Ev 'n' Hosses

Wet face, happy horse!

2011-12-18T15:54:00.000-08:00

I got to see my baby twice this month!
Sensei and I went out to the pasture, to bring up some grain, some wormer, and money for the farrier. Solomon's hoof trim was Sensei's Yule gift for me this year!

When we got there, we saw Maggie and Breaker's people riding their horses back to their trailer. Running alongside them was none other than my boy, Solomon.

See how wet his face is? According to Maggie's people, Solomon loves to tag along when they go on trail rides. I'm glad they've decided that's fine, since when they try to stop him coming along, he just bashes down the gate and follows them anyway, heh.
So they went down to the creek, which they tell me Solomon loves to play in. He gets right into the middle, in the deepest part of the water, and splashes around, pawing it to soak his belly. Then he sticks his ENTIRE head under water and shakes it around, haha!

I'm so very happy to see Solomon so full of life. Playfulness is a sign of an emotionally healthy horse. He really did seem to be quite happy, too. Ears perked, tail flagging... he looked like he was 5 years old instead of 29!

After so much time being tied to the trailer at Bo's ranch for treats and pampering, Solomon will happily stand at the trailer with no tie. He put himself in alongside Maggie, hoping to get a share in the treats... which he totally did, haha!

He's sly that way.

"I went along for the ride, right? So I get treats too?" I thanked Maggie and Breaker's mom and dad for exercising my horse for me, haha!

After the horses were untacked, their people let them go. First breaker:

Then Maggie, that wonderful, love-bug, goofy horse.

Then everybody had to have a nice roll.

And then Solomon showed me just how fast he was capable of running still, which was pretty amazingly fast. I wasn't able to get a clear picture. I think the thunderous fart he let loose when he started really gave him that extra burst of speed, haha!

Once everybody had calmed down, and got fed, I gave Solomon his spa treatment. Hey, like my new weave?

(let's just not think about why his tail is so stained, okay?)

I know I spam you all with a million and one pictures of Solomon, but I am so in love with his pretty face!

Haha, I'm a dirty girl.

Maggie is secretly wrought of flame.

Breaker, looking pretty but being standoffish. If I lived in the area, I'd bring him around!

Since Charley is on an all-mash diet now, he gets to eat mash out of a wheelbarrow, heh. Solomon went to make sure there were no crumbs left.

Of course, when he cleaned it off, he flipped the thing over with his nose. He's a gentleman like that. Here he is, looking like he's the proudest stallion in Pope Valley, haha!

Or maybe he's just proud of knocking over that wheelbarrow. But then again, he did fight off that giant black Hanoverian stallion last month. That's pretty impressive stuff for an ancient gelding!

Sensei was much loved by the horses.

D'awwwwh!

After a while, Sensei's back started to bug him, so he went and laid down in the car. I brushed down Maggie and Solomon. Charley was feeling cranky about getting touched, so I left him be, and Breaker still won't let me near him, which is an issue I didn't try to push.

Solomon happily lowered his head until his ears were below the level of my chin, and dozed off, making happy sighing noises while I stroked his face and gently scratched under his chin. It's a little ritual the two of us follow every time I visit now. I am his safe harbor, and he is mine. Our lives might not intersect nearly as much as they used to, to my great loss, but he is still my boy, and it's worth it to see him so very healthy and happy. He always has love to give to me, though, and time as well.

So proud of my boy. His health is great, his feet are trimmed, he's likely wormed by now, he has probiotics and senior feed, nicely-floated teeth, and he has gained a bit more weight, so he is going into winter in excellent shape! The grass is starting to really come in, and everything is going well. There's a blanket waiting for him when it gets cold enough, and I suspect that he will have a very happy year.

I am so very, very full of love and gratitude.

Tooth float 2011!

2011-12-10T14:32:00.000-08:00

Hi folks,

It was time for Solomon to get his teeth floated again, so out came the vet and the dentist. Heh, the other boarders at the ranch decided that December was the perfect month to do this. :( Well, a happy horse is more important than obligatory gift-giving and conspicuous consumerism anyway.

Solomon had to get a lot of drugs. A shot that was .8, and then a shot that was .4, of whatever non-Ace drug they used. The vet was worried and said "okay, I'm going to take your word on this and give him a big shot, but if he lies down, don't get mad at me, okay? This is on your word." Heh, a while later she gave in and gave him the second shot.

Solomon is a stubborn fighter. He has also gained a lot of independence and status in the past year, so he's a lot less likely to want to automatically obey. I had to work leading out with him a bit too, but he gave in to that pretty easily. I don't blame him for being stubborn- that's what helped him survive the charro circuit.

Anyway, on to the photo spam!

Dr. Stewart is a really sweet man. He does a great job on the horses and is very kind to them.

Solomon, getting his incisors cut so that they will slide together properly.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

THE ORAL SPECULUM! *creepy music*

Sensei in his old Air Force cold weather coat, holding a very drugged horse.

I also took this opportunity to remove Sol's beans. Thankfully the vet gave me a couple gloves to do it with- for some reason all my sheath cleaning supplies are at home! The dentist used to do it for free, but now he won't because a horse almost killed him earlier this year. The vet and the dentist were really worried. "That drug won't stop him from kicking!" I just sang some Barry Manilow and talked my boy through it, much to the entertainment of the onlookers. Found 6 beans too... poor baby! D: He swished his tail a bit but never sucked his boybits up into his body cavity (thank the GODS) and didn't offer even the threat of a kick.

"...wha? Whazzhappenin..."

Holding up his head a little bit so he doesn't faceplant. Don't worry, I was crouched and ready to move in case he seriously went down. He always does this- fights like hell against the drugs, and when the procedure is over, they SERIOUSLY hit.

I have a hoss!

Then it was Charlie Horse's turn. I'd been advising the ranch owners for a while to get his teeth floated, but the small animal vet they usually out said he didn't need it. He was feral and abandoned in a field for at least 5 years, and then taken in by them 3 years ago. They decided to have it done for him if he needed it along with the other horses, heh.

He is missing a lot of teeth and the ones he has are bad, but the vet did what he could to make what he has left actually be able to chew. He needs mash from now on though- he doesn't have enough teeth to really properly chew hay. I'm really proud of the owners for getting this done now. Now they know. It's not their fault- they weren't horse people when they got him, they just rescued him because he lived in the abandoned property across the road, and then they trusted the word of the small animal vet. They've REALLY done good things for him this year though, after a number of conversations we've had. They've put him on senior feed and probiotics, and they have him on a worming rotation. They gave him a betadine scrub, they put a fly mask on him during fly season, and he's getting good care now. Now that they know what he needs, they can also go forward with that, and I think he'll do even better.

Tooth floating still looks like some sort of hellish torture though, lol! Charlie tried really hard to have a major wreck, despite the drugs, but no one was hurt, thankfully.

2008- 2011

2011-12-10T14:05:00.001-08:00

I just had Solly's teeth done again. There was a vet with the dentist this time. She said that Solomon is in excellent condition, amazing for his age, and that I must be doing everything right!

From November:

Here they are running to the "people-meeting place."

Getting belly skritches:

Visiting with me:

Solomon really loves to "snuggle" like this. He'll put his nose on me, let me rub his face or cradle his head, and fall sound asleep, snoring away like the happy old man he is. Man, look how cresty his neck is, hah! But this is going to be a cold winter, I can feel it... he will need the extra fat. I also got him a blanket this year, just for really cold winter nights, as he is a bit too hold to keep his weight up when it gets really cold.

He really looks like a wise old man, doesn't he? I'm not Christian, but Solomon suits him all the same. The vet said she'd never met a horse named Solomon before, but said "he looks really wise, it feels like the right name for him."

Solomon says that William could use a bit of grooming. Haha, I remember a friend saying "that horse is gonna bite you and you're gonna get really hurt, letting him get so close and personal!" Yeah not so much, heh! He is relaxed and calm and because we trust him and know he's a good boy, he trusts us! As for kids- he would never willingly hurt a baby of any species.

I miss him a lot, since I can only visit him a couple times a month, at the most. I think he misses me too. He has his eyes on me from the moment I show up to the moment I leave, even watching the car drive away. It always breaks my heart to leave him, but he's there because it's the best, happiest place for him to be. And that's what's really important.

He did take a moment to check out Sensei's butt though, lol!

Haha, Solomon in his happy place. "Yay, my nose cushions!"

He heals my heart.

My noble beast, who fought off a giant black warmblood stallion a few days before these photos were shot. So far, Maggie appears to not be pregnant. Go Sol!

Even if he does have the occasional spats with his lady.

He knows what's up.

LOL, he's saying something to Charlie Horse the pony.

*nuzzle love*

Spot the hoss!

A storm begins to rise

A hawk, watching for prey

A rainbow over Pope Valley

Solomon is kind of a badass old man.

2011-11-05T23:37:00.000-07:00

Hi there folks!

I know, I know, it's been forever, right?

Solomon has just been busy fattening up, living a peaceful life with his herd. He is doing well with a big pasture and a ton of food, and most of all with a JOB. His job is protecting his herd, and he takes it seriously.

How seriously?

Well, he's (as far as the dentist could guess) a 29 year old gelding. That's pretty old for a horse. And geldings, well, they don't have the hormones that a stallion does.

Well, last night Holly, the nice woman I'm boarding Solly with, heard screaming and the thundering of hooves.

Turns out a big huge black stallion and his little white pony buddy had escaped their home down the road and busted through the fence to Sol's 95 acre pasture. The stallion, of course, went after Maggie, Sol's mare.

You'd think he'd get his way, right?

NOPE.

My sweet grey old man (who has only killed one buck deer that I know of, heh) stood up to that stallion and fought him off, as far as anyone can tell, keeping him away from Maggie. Solomon had grass stains on him, and he also had blood on him, but none of that blood was his. It was all the stallion's.

The stallion and his pony buddy are now back in their own home, and Solly's herd is now safe and sound as well.

Crazy stuff though!

Heh, but that's my boy- a fighter and protector, just like his mom.

Sproing

2011-05-06T01:09:00.000-07:00

Hey all!

Spring has been very kind to Solomon this year.

He is now fat and happy, the herd is all settled in, and he has a gorgeous place to wanted- almost 100 acres. In the late spring of Pope Valley, grass is bright and lush and green.

Solomon is lord of all he surveys, along with his lady, Maggie.

He has somehow become the undisputed alpha of the herd, even chasing around the alpha mare when he decides to.

Thank you, Holly, for donating that fly mask for Solly. He is quite grateful!

The Mare

2011-03-01T01:20:00.001-08:00

Today I went to the country to spend time in nature, to visit and learn from my mentor, to ground myself and to replenish my spirit in the company of that most noble of beasts, the horse.

I spent time caring for my sweet old man, but I ended up spending a lot more time in the company of mares.

There was a time when I distrusted mares. I felt that they were too willful and dangerous. I did not understand the mare.

A mare is a whole horse. She is a passionate being. She has her own emotions, her own moods, her own ideas about the way things should be, and sometimes she feels that her idea is better than yours. Sometimes she is right, for she can sense things that you cannot.

If you gain the trust and love of a mare, if you form a partnership with her, if you meet her half way with an open and honest heart, and consider her instead of simply commanding and attempting to control her, she will give you everything. She will run herself to death for you, if you are foolish and callous enough to ask it of her. She will be your friend, your ally, and your caretaker. She will obey you, and gladly give herself over to your will. Most of the time.

If you confine her, if you try to break her, if you imrpison her in a box and make her world smaller, you will see the light fade from her eyes, her spirit muted, and despair will rule her. Or, she will feel trapped, panicked, and she will fight you and the prison she's bound in with everything she's got. Panic will rule her.

Let her run free, let her be the beautiful, powerful soul that she is, and she might be a little more dangerous... she might be a little more difficult. But she will shine. And she will shine for you.

Smeone made this.... uhm? haha

2011-02-05T10:50:00.000-08:00

In other news, my car is still broken down, which is part of why there are so few updates at the moment. Sorry about that, folks! D:

Taking it in today. Hopefully I'll be on the road again soon!

Solly's doing fine. He got himself scratched up on something out in the woods, but he's healing nicely and is galloping around, happy as a clam. His weight is still great, too.

I'll try to post a blog entry soon.
Take care out there,
-Ev

Teddy Bear and Bo

2011-01-16T13:57:00.000-08:00

I miss the ranch, and I miss Bo, a lot more than I tend to let on. He is my mentor, and has become a dear friend. We can talk for hours and still find interesting stuff to discuss. Every discussion is a discovery, and my world becomes bigger for it. He is a good person, and it is an honor to know him.

So, it was with great joy that I drove my ailing car up his drive after my nap with Solomon.

The conversation went as it always does.

"You want some tea or someting, Ev?"

Of course I did!

I pulled out one of the mugs that I always use. Horses are creatures of habit, but so are humans. Bo prefers this one American flag mug a lot of the time, I've noticed. I prefer a mug that says something about cowgirls... there are a few of them, and it's the flared shape of them that I like. Wider at the top than the bottom. I couldn't tell you why it is that I always want to use that mug, but something about it's organic curves appeals to me. I find myself always seeking it out.

I sit on the step stool, and Bo sits on the wooden stool across the kitchen from me. Or sometimes the positions are reversed. We discuss science, philosophy, martial arts, history, technology, and, always, horses. Everything ties back in to horses. There is so much meaning to be found. To understand them is to understand ourselves. To understand ourselves is to begin to understand them. The ride is a great joy, but it is not all about the ride for us. It is an entire journey. It is a lifestyle. No, it is more than a lifestyle. It is a life.

Once the tea and coffee are done, and I've put in my three packets of sucralose that I keep stashed there, and used the last of the half-n-half, which I always seem to do, we take our mugs into the dining room.

We continue our meandering over our ritual drinks- I with my tea, he with his coffee, sitting at the big solid wood coffee table in the lovely little house that he and DeDe built together. There is always a point, or a lesson, in what Bo says, and always an opportunity for me to expand upon the idea, so that we can explore and discover things together, hunting down new concepts, new angles, new connections.

This was no exception.

Bo said, presently, "well Ev, I've got a few things to check on. Why don't you go out and work with a horse? Maybe Teddy Bear?"

I happily washed my mug out and headed out the door, putting my boots back on while sitting on the front porch that overlooks the ranch. Teddy Bear's pasture ran alongside the house with a stretch of flat green space between them.

She recognized me when I walked over, and seemed happy to see me. Ears perked, she ambled over to the gate while I found her brown rope halter. A lot of halters on the ranch don't fit her because her head is so massive, but this one did, and I knew it. I got it all organized and read, then went to the gate.

I walked in and said hello, being sure to give Lilah some skritches as well. I let Teddy Bear know that I wasn't going to pressure her, and was happy to pet her a little before haltering her. It didn't have to go that way- I could tell that she was perfectly willing to get right down to work- but I knew she would appreciate the affection. These little bits of consideration count with horses. I rubbed the underside of her neck and the bulges of muscle running along it's sides behind her ears. Then I haltered her. She stuck her nose in for it, and held nice and still as I tied it with confidence. I used to hate rope halters. I had a hard time figuring out how to tie them. Now it's second nature, even more than tying my belt when I put on my gi for karate. I tucked the end back into the halter so that it wouldn't be smacking against her face. I made sure that her mane wasn't tangled up in the ropes.

Sedately we walked to the gate. I positioned us so that I could swing the gate inward, myself on the swinging side, and Tedders on the side with the post. Inward, so that Lilah would have a harder time trying to follow us out, and with me toward the swinging side so that if Teddy Bear spooked and ran into me, I would hit something that could move instead of something that I would be crushed against. Of course she was a good girl and followed me through.

"Swing yer butt," I said, and lightly pulled the rope around so that she moved out of the way of the closing gate, turning herself to face it, as I was doing. I knew it was important to not let her get distracted at the gate- a lot of wrecks happen at gates, and Bo drilled that into me often. When I would become lax about it, he would scold me like a wayward colt. "OH THAT WAS SO BAD, YOU KNOW BETTER!"

It all felt natural, like I hadn't been away at all. Like I'd never stopped coming up a couple times a week. I sure wished that I still could do that.

Teddy and I walked to the horse trailer, past DeDe's garden, lovely even in the winter all cut back, and the 60 foot round pen with it's relatively new sand layer. They put it in last fall, I think. Maybe summer? The sand has to be replenished form time to time, and dragged so that it is even. A horse tripping in a hole can be deadly, and running in a circle is challenging anyway.

I made certain to be extra soothing as we went around the trailer, because Teddy sometimes spooks a bit when she isn't sure what's on the other side. She also hates getting in the trailer, so she was a bit worried that I'd try to make her do that.

There was a hay bag hanging at the trailer, and she happily dug in as I tied her. The rope was secure high so that she wouldn't be able to tangle herself up in it as easily, but she was given enough room to relax her head as well as balance herself while I worked on her hooves. I used a slip knot with multiple loops- secure, but easy to undo quickly in an emergency.

Teddy Bear, I knew, could be fussy about her legs and her hooves because she didn't like having her chestnuts messed with. It was always a bit of a worry for her, but in the past year she'd gotten better about it. She was a mare with a lot of opinions, and Bo preferred it that was so long as she behaved herself. She is a teaching horse, and has to be able to do her job, which requires a bit of independent thought.

I also knew that she would be more open to her feet being picked and worked with if I sweetened the deal first. Teddy loves to be brushed, so I got to work on her, first with the curry comb, removing bits of dried mud from her coat while runnign my other hand behind it to check for lumps and oddities, and then a couple of brushes, which I dual-wielded, working her body over with practiced efficiency. Then I sprayed some show sheen into her mane and tail and brushed it all out.

Next, I picked her feet. She is supposed to wait while you run your hands carefully down her legs, asking her politely to pick a leg up. This she does with me for the first leg, but after that, well, quite some time ago I taught her that with me she could anticipate the next three hooves and just pick them up as I approached them. This is not something Bo wanted, since she was supposed to teach everyone a certain way, but she remembered that it worked that way with me, so that's exactly what she did. Sorry Bo! Amazing the things horses will remember, heh.

I picked out mud, stones and manure from Teddy's hooves, scraping it out from between the hoof wall and frog. I picked in both directions. A number of people feel that one should always pick away from onesself. Certainly the chances of getting gunk on yourself are lessened that way... but I find that I can get the hoof cleaned out a lot better when I also pick around the bars toward myself. Just have to be careful- it only takes being careless and getting manure up your nose once to learn that!

As I went back to brushing Teddy's mane and tail, Bo trimmed her hooves a little bit. There was only a tiny bit of drama from her- mostly she was a good girl.

"Why don't you take her to the roundpen now, Ev, and roundpen her a bit?"

"Okay Bo! Thank you for letting me roundpen- I haven't had a chance to since I left. There isn't one at the new place, and I want to keep my skills up. I want to keep that feel."

"Well sure Ev, you're welcome!"

I asked Teddy to walk and trot, and I asked her to turn around, walking and trotting the other direction. I kept my focus on her back half, making sure to not get my shoulders ahead of her, or she would turn. I used only enough energy to get her going at the speed I wanted. Any more, and things would escalate. Roundpenning can be a lot of pressure on a horse.

"Okay Ev, we're going to do a new exercise, since you're in so much better shape now," Bo said.

I looked over, and he was wearing the SenseiGrin(tm.)

What is the SenseiGrin? It's the grin every martial arts instructor gets when they are about to have you do something hard that they know is good for you. But they know it'll be hard on you too. I've seen Sensei get it, Shihan, Sensei Wah, and Bo, well he gets that look on his face too.

"I want you to get her trotting, and I want your footfalls to be in time with hers. Run around the ring with her."

Oh, it was hard! Running in a circle on sand is very difficult. Doing it and trying to keep time to a horse's hoofbeats is harder. But then Bo stepped up the challenge and said "now bring her to a lope. And keep time!"

Haha, it's a 3 beat gait! And I only have two legs! And I had to keep up with her but not get ahead of her! The grin got wider.

I worked at it though, and worked hard. It... needed work, but Teddy and I managed. And Teddy got SO EXCITED! Her tail was flagging like an Arab's, her head was high, and she started snorting! She got really worked up, but whenever I stopped she'd run up to me, saying SNORT SNORT! And then we'd be off again in the other direction. She didn't pin her ears or swish her tail, but she was on high alert. Maybe she enjoyed it? I have to admit I am not 100% sure either way. But I think she saw it as a kind of high-pressure play.

So then she was in quite a state of excitement. And Bo said "okay," and brought in the mounting block.

I looked at her wide eyes, her ready-for-action body, and her fast breath, and I thought, just a little bit, "really? Really???"

"Now we're going to take that energy, and we're going to bring it right back down again. Walk her around nice and quiet with the lead rope."

So we walked around the pen a couple of times, and I focused hard on lowering my heart rate, on slowing my breathing, and radiating relaxed calm.

"A lot of people will say 'oh I can't ride my horse today, she's too excited!' but you can affect the energy level of your horse with your own energy level. They will mirror you," Bo said.

It is true. Horses have their own thoughts and agendas and moods. Sometimes they are just having a bad day. But they also rely on each other for input, especially their leaders. If I say, "hey, everything's cool," then they are more likely to believe it and relax.

So I spoke softly to her, and I focused. Mindfulness, being in the moment, focused entirely on the moment, and ready for the next moment, is important both in the world of horses and martial arts. In many ways, the two compliment each other, as I find more and more. If you can be in the moment, you can bring your horse TO that moment, and you can then find harmony.

"Now, stand with one leg up, prepared to mount, but do not commit. Be ready to fall, and plan where you will fall. Always know where you will go if you have to fall. Always know how much of yourself you are committing to the mount. Balance."

So I stood with one leg up, almost over her back, but not quite. Remembering back stance, I had almost all of my weight rested on my back leg, which was very slightly bent, while my front leg rested slightly on Teddy Bear. I did not rely on her for balance, because she could have moved, and I did not want to fall forward under her hooves.

"Okay, now rest a moment. And the next time you raise your leg up, commit to it and mount."

So I stretched up my leg, which I had been working on the flexibility of in karate class, and smoothly mounted the sweet red mare. When I first arrived at the ranch, mounting was a hard and awkward process where I dragged myself on the horse's back. How far I have come!

"Now, find neutral. Find your center. Find her center. Imagine connecting them. Feel her breath and her heartbeat. Keep the energy down low. And take a handful of her mane."

I sat on her bare back, and I listened while I radiated calm. I felt so good and serene after my nap with Solomon. It was easy. I remembered the meditation I did just about every day that Sensei had assigned to me. I paid attention to our breaths, syncing them until they were as one.

"Now, lightly, think walk. I'll be helping." And I let my legs drape. I thought, "walk," and we moved.

I had thought that I would have a very hard time moving with Teddy Bear. Riding is like kata, in that you start to lose it if you don't practice. But the kata had served me well... all the stretching and drilling and sparring and balancing, all the weight loss and muscle gain, all the knowledge of my own body and balance that I'd finally regained in karate, and learning where my center was, they all helped. It felt... EASIER! I felt more in tune with my self, so I felt more in tune with teddy bear. She did not pin an ear or swish her tail. Willingly she carried me, and it felt comfortable. It was such a great joy and a gift to be on a horse's back again. And what a gift that she would carry me.

First, Bo lead her. Then, we worked on some walk/trot transitions. Two steps of trot, then back to walk. I felt good. I didn't feel like I was constantly tipping over and falling. It was a joy!

In time, Bo handed the lead rope to me. At first, he roundpenned her a the walk, and then I think maybe he walked out, but I don't really remember, because I was on cloud nine and really focused on Teddy and I. Maybe he didn't ever walk out... it didn't matter, because we were moving and it was awesome.

Teddy and I did sidepasses. We turned. It was a combination of shifting my weight, signaling with my legs, and moving the lead rope, though the lead rope wasn't as big of a factor. Sometimes I used the lead rope like a neck rein, sometimes like a normal rein. It was just attached in one spot, and I don't think I ever flipped it over my head. We just did our thing, no big expectations, no pressure, we just MOVED. And it felt like we were one.

Bo said, "Ev, this shows you you've remembered, and you've remembered because you've got it here in your heart. And you have kept an open mind and an open heart, and that's why you've been able to do this. Dismount."

I easily hopped off Teddy.

"That was 100% success, and nobody can ever take that from you, Ev!"

Teddy got a lot of rubs and love from me, and got to eat fresh green grass and clover. Bo and I chatted a little more, then I had to leave for karate class.

What a joy. What a gift! Life isn't always easy, but life is good. It's worth sticking around, when there is green grass and sunshine, when there are people like Bo, and horses. Always horses.

Great joy, great trust, great love.

2011-01-16T13:10:00.000-08:00

A horse's heart is far more noble than mankind deserves. What a great gift they give to us when they grant to us their trust. Massive, towering beasts, they could kill us in an instant. Mighty hooves, strength and speed we can only dream of, senses and reflexes we can only yearn for, and yet they lay their lives down for us. They are a precious treasure. They have been our steadfast companions for thousands of years. Our empires were built upon their backs, with their sweat and their blood. Never forget this. Never.

It was a warm and sunny winter day when Solomon put his life in my hands.

Seeing me come up the road, he came to me.

We know each other well. We say so much with a touch, with a breath, with a gesture. Slowly, over the past 2 and a half years, I have come to learn a little bit of his language. I will never be as subtle as him. My movements are large and clumsy. I am missing ears that swivel, a tail that swishes, and a couple of feet. My mouth is not as flexible, it's movements not as fine, but still, we have learned to understand one another. There is a reassuring comfort to our companionship. A friendship that transcends the line of species. We have joy, we have love, and we have trust.

I have heard people say that horses are dumb. I think that they are wrong. There are things that horses are not good at. But there are things that humans are also not good at. A horse does not build cities. But then, a horse does not poison his world. He can sense a seizure, or a panic attack. He can read the racing of your pulse and know that you are excited. He can smell and taste your fear. He can interpret, if you give him the chance, the subtlest shift of your weight on his back.

The smallest shift in position speaks volumes to his companions.

Horses love, and nurture.

They worry, and they grieve.

Their massive mouths can filter out a tiny leaf that they don't care for from a big bite of food. Or that little pill that you were sure they wouldn't notice.

They are creatures of equal grace and humor.

Finely tuned for speed and lightning reflexes, they are beasts of prey. But sometimes, if you learn a little bit of grace and tread lightly in their world, they will relax and let you in.

Breaker is what Solomon could have become. If he was a different horse with a different personality. If he hadn't been stuck in a tiny stall for so long. If he'd not been shown that humans could be a good deal. He is a rescue as well, but he doesn't trust humans, and there's no pen to work him in. His current owners are good people, from what I hear. They simply do not have time to really work with him, and there isn't yet a space for him to work in close. He hangs around, wanting to be a part of the herd, knowing maybe there's something about people he should be interested in... but he doesn't want to let you get too close. He was treated very badly in the past. He has no reason to trust.

If I lived in Pope Valley, I'd tame him for free. He is cute, and well built, but even if he wasn't, he deserves a good chance at life. And I think that I could break through.

He let me get pretty close, and even dozed off a bit that day. Part of the key is keeping your energy really low. Not focusing hard on a big goal like catching him but just taking things one step at a time, and being prepared to back away if you need to. Being very patient, and approaching from the side, lined up shoulder to shoulder with him, instead of advancing by facing him, which is a challenge and and be a signal to move. Within a herd, the dominant, aggressive horse will approach a submissive horse head-on and expect him to move out of the way. Predators also approach in such a fashion, if they aren't ambushing their prey. It is a lot of pressure. Learning to communicate with low pressure can be the key for a nervous horse who fears mistreatment. He must be soothed and reassured. He must feel that he can rest, that you are a part of the group and that you are there to support and protect him, not attack him.

As I was working a little with breaker, Solomon, who had been brushed and had ticks removed, began to fall asleep. I'd already soothed him quite a bit, rubbing his cheeks, which releases endorphins, and giving him brow-skritches, which is something I know he particularly enjoys. He is comfortable enough now to love getting the bases of his ears rubbed as well.

So, he was nodding off.

And as I worked with Breaker, I heard a little grunt and a thump behind me.

Soon, everyone but Breaker followed suit.

And then Solly began to snore.

How far can I get, I wondered?

Then I decided to stop bugging him, since he'd woken up a bit again, and I wanted him to be able to nap. So I sat bside him, in front of his chest. And that's when it happened. He licked his lips a bit, looked at me, and put his head in my lap. I stroked his face, and he rolled onto his side. Then he began to snore again.

Hose heads are heavy! After a minute or two, I figured if he was going to show me such an incredible amount of trust, I would do the same for him. So I laid down. The top of his head was nestled against my chest, the rest of it snuggling against my belly.

The sun was warm and the grass was soft.

He didn't seem to care that one ear was all squished.

After a little while, I fell asleep.

When I woke up again, I took this final video. You know, for a time I had to use a stud chain with Solomon. His environment was wrong, I didn't know how to communicate and work with him right, and I hadn't earned his trust as a leader yet. But now, thanks to Bo, thanks to Solomon's noble, forgiving heart, and thanks to me finally opening my eyes and my heart, we have come to this place. A place of great joy, great trust, great love.

After a while, it was time to go. Reluctantly, I got up and trudged back to my car. Solomon awoke and watched me go.

He peered in the window of my car as I drove away, tracking me until I was over the hill.

It was a great gift that he gave to me today. Something few people ever experience. I will treasure it for the rest of my life.

I do not know of a more perfect creature in all the world than the horse.

Winter Worming

2011-01-16T12:56:00.002-08:00

Hi folks!

Okay, I've been HORRIBLE lately at updating. I'm so sorry! I have some lovely pics and vids for you however.

Just around Yule, Sensei and I went up to the ranch, bearing an apple and a tube of worming medication.

First, the apple.

I decided to be crazy and share... a trick Solomon and I have done many times before, except I hadn't taken into account the Maggie Factor.

Solly went for it a bit faster than I'm comfy with, haha! But of course he didn't hurt me.

And Maggie got some apple too.

Now, Solomon knew that something sinister was up right away!

I won't bother with the first attempt, except to say that Solomon really cannot be wormed in an open pasture without being tied. Just not gonna happen! Here's the second attempt, which was successful.

After he shunned me for a little while, Sol came back for more loves, and some reassurance.

And here is our lovely yule picture!

Sensei was happy to be out in the clean air, visiting with the horses. He might not have ever been a big time horse person, but let me tell you, the horses just adore him!

Sensei discovered Maggie's magic spot- under her chin and her cheeks!

Maggie has a winter mustache! It probably is meant to protect a horse's lip from the ice a bit. It's so cute!

Technical Difficulties!

2010-12-26T03:50:00.000-08:00

Hi folks,
I have a nasty virus, but I DO have new Solly pics and videos! I will get them to you as soon as I can, okay?

Meanwhile, while I contemplate installing Windows 7, here's a picture of Solly and I to tide you over. Happy holidays!

AAAA SHEATH TICKS!

2010-12-04T19:55:00.000-08:00

Hey folks!

I was able to get up to see Solly today.

The first horse I saw was Charley Horse. I wonder what kind of pony blood he has in him? I don't think he's a pure quarterhorse, hah. He sure is cute though!

The other three horses were hanging out in the pen that A__ and J___ are building. I advised them to feed the horses in that pen once in a while so they would associate it with good things. This way, if a horse needs to be put in it to be separated from the herd, he won't be quite as stressed. It's working well, since it seems that they go hang out there often now.

Solomon, upon seeing me, broke off from the group to come say hi! YAY, he's interested in mom again!

Yeah, the next three photos are very similar. But I love looking at his face, so you get to look at it too.

A___ and J___ have been doing a great job. They listen to my input and they have been feeding and graining Solly well- that, combined with the 90 acres of grass, has caused him to gain about 20 pounds! Some of it, at least, is muscle. He has inner thigh muscles now that I've never seen on him before, haha! I'm just going to go ahead and say that it's because he's been climbing up and down hills and running around, and not say anything about Maggie the Mare.

They've also removed a lot of Evil Pods From Hell, and fed Sol a lot of apples and carrots. <3

Solomon did have a problem today,however. As it turns out, it's tick season, and since there are some woods and tall plants on the 90 acres, the horses have been getting ticks. Solomon stood stock still for a good 40 minutes while I carefully searched his body for ticks. I removed about 13 or 14 of the evil things from him, and 4 of those were on his SHEATH! GAAAAAH! I don't know if I got all his ticks, and I'm hoping I didn't bring any home. He had little dark ones and huge tan ones. Ugh ugh ugh.

I (and my tick-removal service) was more important than Maggie the Mare today, even. He let her wander off, because MOM was here, and she was pulling those horrible itchy painful THINGS off of him!

He did still pull a face or two at Breaker. GRUMPERS!

That's about all that happened today. Solomon followed me around like a love, affectionately resting his nose oh-so-gently on my cheek and blowing into my hair. While I was pulling out ticks, he stood over me, keeping an eye on things protectively. He's back to being a good, sweet, careful boy. I think he's really settled in now.

On the drive home, I finally stopped and shot some photos of the cormorants at Lake Hennessey. They've been there since I started driving up to Pope Valley, and I've always thought "oh cool," but I hadn't stopped to shoot them until today.

Enjoy!

Solomon and the huge pasture

2010-11-13T00:07:00.000-08:00

Today I went looking for Solomon, and he wasn't up by the lake, or out by the barn. He wasn't hanging out under the gazebo, and he wasn't itching his butt on the rosemary bush.

I caught a glimpse of white horse through the trees, way down in the lower pasture.

Time for Sensei and I to go hiking!

This was the way down into the lower pasture.

Of course there was no sign of him or the other horses when we got down there.

Luckily I had a Sensei with me! He spotted them, way far away.

I was ignored or not noticed until I got about 300 yards away. Then Solly heard me calling!

After saying hello to us both and getting a bit of skritching and cuddling, Solomon moved the herd towards the big open barn. When we fell too far behind, he stopped to come check on us. We were almost part of the herd to him, and he wanted to make sure we kept up.

At one point he stayed behind a bit too long, and when he noticed that Breaker and Maggie were walking together, I got to see him tear off at a full gallop to re-establish The Way Things Were. Gorgeous sight! Wish I'd caught it on camera...

Maggie, of course, needed to get in on the action. Solomon expressed his opinion of this. I don't know what he got into that turned his tongue black!

Off to the barn!

Hoss butts!

This is a happy place.

Look at the arch in his neck! For Solomon, that's quite an arch, haha! He is feeling quite proud of himself these days. He is also muscling up. And the farrier really needs to come out! But I love this picture.

The herd on the move.

Solomon- he's narrow, but he's standing proud and tall!

He is also really getting some nice muscle on him. When I press on his sides, instead of feeling ribs I feel muscle. His body isn't jiggly with fat. He is getting strong! And his topline, while still having a sharp wither, is filling in because of the hills and the running around. His butt is getting muscle, his shoulders and chest are getting muscle, and he is doing well!

He had to say hi to Sensei. He adores the man! Also, Sensei had some candy, and Sol could smell it.

The green grass is coming in, but Solomon isn't getting fat on it so far. His weight is holding steady, but his shape is slowly changing. Less fat, more muscle.

"Oooh, I smell candy!"

"GAH, IT IS SOUR CANDY! WHY HAVE YOU TRIED TO POISON ME!!!"

After he spat it out, Solomon tried desperately to get the taste out of his mouth by vacuuming up grass, hah!

We left the horses down by the barn, and went home, confident that Solomon was quite happy! The ranch owners send me updates since I can't make it up very often, and fun pictures. I'll see about posting some of those sometime, if they're okay with it.

Solomon and the evil barbed pods of doom.

2010-11-12T23:56:00.000-08:00

Hi folks!
So much to catch up on... I'm sorry I've taken so long to write! Life is crazy, like always.

First of all... I discovered the most evil plant ever, on the 21st of October.

Actually, Solomon discovered it. I don't know what it's called...

But they get THIS tangled up in the horse's manes and tails!

Those little Pods of Pure Evil have barbs in them. I had a couple of them embedded in my thumbs for a couple of weeks. I think I might even end up with a scar from them.

Solomon's poor beautiful tail...

See how displeased I look? Yeah, that was kind of a miserable day, hah! He had a ton in his forelock too. I was actually tempted to just cut it off, but then he wouldn't have his beautiful bangs any more! That was also the last time I wore those jeans... after these pictures were taken, I lost even more weight. Now they look like M.C. Hammer parachute pants, hah!

Do Not Want!

Bahahhaa

Solomon is really not a Glam Hoss

It took a good 2.5 hours and half a bottle of mane'n'tail to get those horrible things out.

They cut them down on their property, but the horses have access to the lower pasture on the neighbor's land too. It turns out there was a hidden thatch of them down by the creek.

Solly had some in his tail today too, but I didn't try to take them out. Didn't have time... sigh.

Solomon is top dog!

2010-10-15T12:09:00.000-07:00

Hey folks, look who it is!

Sorry for the baby talk, haha!

Solly is settling in to his new home fabulously. There's an unexpected development, however! My calm, sedate, ancient grey man has decided that he is going to be Mister Top Dog! Furthermore, instead of bonding closely with Charley Horse (who is, height-wise, a pony, and awfully cute!) he has decided that Maggie the Mare is the lady for him! Maggie has also decided that Solomon is much more of a dreamboat than her longtime companion, Breaker. Solomon is a home-wrecker!

So now, Solomon has decided that he has a job. His job is keeping the distraught, lovelorn Breaker away from HIS mare.

I hear that things are settling down now, though.

My boy and Maggie.

Solomon, who always hated being backed up, is voluntarily running backwards all over the place now! A horse backing another horse up is a sign of dominance. They also do it in play, but Solly? He's not playing around here.

Look at this suspicious squint! This sneer! "THIS IS MY MARE!"

"She is big and brown and she is MINE!"

So yes, this is what Solomon has been occupying his time with since he moved to the new pasture. He's being a bit of a jerk, but not too bad. Nobody has a mark or a scratch on them. He does everything with his voice, gestures, and body language. He re-directs the other horses. Solomon is an Aikido-hoss.

But really, who can blame him? Who could resist this?

Poor, poor Breaker.

Saturns are also not allowed to be with mares.

Poor old Charley Horse must be content with the fiberglass horse. Later on, he cuddled up to my car, resting his lips on the trunk, cuddling up to the bumper. HE is convinced that my vehicle contains truly magical things!

Look at that grumpers face! BACK UP BREAKER, BACK UP!

And here you can see all the players in the drama, Solomon pulling some extremely silly faces, and rubbing his butt on the rosemary bushes. He has been wormed! So... I guess he just wanted rosemary-butt.

And now for some idyllic photos around the retirement pasture.

Doesn't Breaker have a cool coat pattern? What would you call this, exactly? It is some kind of paint pattern, not lacing. But I haven't a clue!

Four horses, 90 acres!

My boy is going to muscle up with the gentle hill climbing and not so gentle Breaker chasing. That gelding is over 20 years younger than Solly, hah!

In exile, the two geldings are starting to bond a bit.

Charley Horse is wearing California Summer Camouflage.

Meanwhile, down at the big pond, there are a ton of frogs that scream and jump in the water when you get too close! I think they are young bullfrogs. Any guesses?

Speaking of the pond, have some postcard-like photos of my happy boy!

And my absolute favorite shot-

Enjoy! :D

Solly's new home!

2010-10-01T20:40:00.000-07:00

Solomon moved on the 29th.

We had to leave our beloved ranch, though neither of us wanted to. We just couldn't afford it any more, and Bo and DeDe are going to move north at some point anyway.

I did my best to project calm, but he knew something was up anyway. He was high energy and snorty from the start. He followed along just fine, and enjoyed his pan of feed, but once I put him in the cross ties, he knew something rotten was up!

First, he got WORMED! OH NO!

Then... then he got a BATH. HORROR! He pawed the ground like there was no tomorrow, he reared and squirmed when I washed his face, he pleaded and begged, but he got CLEAN.

I spent an especially long time cleansing his butt and his tail.

After he dried up, Bo hitched up the trailer. Solomon wanted to run around, but there wasn't much time for it. I let him loose in the round pen, but he stood and watched with great suspicion.

He loaded up wonderfully- pretty much trotted straight in to the trailer. As soon as the bar connected up and we closed the back door, however, he pitched a fit. He screamed and screamed, knowing he was being TAKEN SOMEWHERE.

I felt so very guilty at this point.

I think the new place is going to be a good place for him, but he was so happy at the ranch...

At first, at the ranch, he was all high heads and snorts and spinning around. Bo told the new ranch folks to keep an eye on me, because I had training but sometimes forgot and did something stupid. "If you see her standing on a trash can trying to get up on his back, yell at her, she knows better!"

I love you too, Bo.

After a bribe of grain and a couple of flakes of hay, Solomon settled down, especially when they brought out Charlie Horse. You'll meet him in a moment.

This place is rougly 90 acres or so total. It has a pond and troughs, shelters, grass, and twice daily feedings. It is not a fancy place, but it has nice gentle hills and is, I think, a good place for an old horse like Solomon.

They were eating for a while, but decided to come say hi and investigate as I unloaded some horse supplies from my car.

Nice facial expression, Solly! I have NO idea what he's doing in this photo, actually. Weird pose!

Suspicious horse is suspicious.

But there's hay!

The other two horses, the younger TWHs, were kept in another section of pasture. They decided to introduce gradually, starting out by putting Solomon in with Charley Horse. So far, they seem to be getting along really well. Both grand old gentlemen, though Solomon is quite a bit taller, haha!

This is Charley Horse. He is also a rescue.

He is currently a bit suspicious of me, because I stuck my hands in his mouth. Not in a ddranch stunt kind of way, but to check out his teeth for the mom of the couple I'm boarding with. He'll get used to me, though!

However, I should have been suspicious.

I chased him out of the back seat, but then was sorting through some things in there, only to hear a "GRACHHHHHHH!"

Charley Horse had stuck his head in my half rolled down window and grabbed the empty feed pan with his teeth. He yanked his head back, and shattered my car window!

My poor car!

Thankfully the new folks were kind enough to take care of that. Shihan runs an auto body place, and he hooked me up with some nice glass guys.

Charley didn't mean it though. He's a horse and sometimes random stuff like this happens. They just don't understand car windows!

Anyway, things seem to be going fine there. I will get up to visit again as soon as I can. He's living about 8 miles down the road from Bo, so I can go up there, visit him, and visit Bo as well! <3

Another Solly update! Big news.

2010-09-27T23:03:00.000-07:00

From early September, when Danmakine visited!

Take THAT, common sense!

A-PLUH!

Saying hello to Danmakine

Saying hello to me!

Meditating with Solomon keeping me company.

Solomon coming to say hello to momma.

His lovely face.

His lovely attitude!

Getting his hooves picked.

Walking away

Solomon at night!

Rolling!

Late September, Solomon in the roundpen. He was really high energy! I know, I know, I'm in a skirt... :p

The big news? We're moving.

I don't WANT to move. Solomon doesn't, either. But I simply cannot afford to board at Bo's ranch any more. :(

So, Solomon is moving to a 90 acre or so pasture about 8 miles from Bo's ranch. Three other horses, gentle hills, a big pond, water troughs, and lots of room to roam. I'm really really hoping that he does well there! I went with KizmetRanch and JustBloo to check it out. They both felt he would do well there, also. So! Here's hoping...

We're moving the day after tomorrow. I'll still visit Bo, though!

First of my massive backlog of posts!

2010-09-19T12:57:00.000-07:00

Hi folks,

Chaos chaos chaos!

Well, let me try and catch you all up a bit.

First of all: Solomon, at the end of August.

I roundpenned him, and a farrier had brought his dog, who thought it would be great fun to try to herd Solomon while I was walking him around. Solomon was entirely unimpressed, completely ignoring said canine. He watched Great Danes, German Shepherds, and other random dogs duke it out right in front of his stall back at Horse Hell, so he was pretty unphased by a little border collie.

His weight is much better, eh?

Still not impressed.

Hope you enjoyed these!

More to come... I have a backlog of, I don't know, 80 or 90 photographs at least. And so much to tell!

Coming soon...

2010-09-11T19:18:00.000-07:00

Hi folks!

I am so sorry it has taken so long! I have a big big post to make, as soon as I have time to sit down and write it, but in the meantime I'll give you a photo-

Danmakine from the Free Speech Horse forum visited the ranch! She rode, ground-drove, and met Solomon. It was a great day, and I also got to lope, wheeee!

Solly and Sensei

2010-08-25T23:40:00.000-07:00

Solomon is looking and feeling great!

It was way too hot to work my old man today, though he ended up wanting to trot all over the planet, with me in tow, haha. I let him, since exercise is good and I wondered where on earth he wanted to go... Apparently it was to this one patch of dead grass that looked like every other patch of dead grass!

Anyway, today Sensei got to come up with me. I was hoping to get a birthday ride in, but we weren't able to leave until late, and when it hits 106 or so, it starts getting a bit too hot for riding safely. The horses can handle it, but I can't stay rational.

Speaking of which, as a warning, I took my ambien a few minutes ago, so I apologize for any lack of coherence. I'll share about watching a young horse start her training another time.

So I decided I'd get sensei a little more engaged in things. It was time for him to pick up a bit of horsemanship. I used the "throw them in the water and see if they sink or swim" tactics a bit here, but it worked pretty well.

After we taped it, I explained making a space for the horse to go a bit, and not standing in front of a horse while trying to halter them when other horses are around.

But they both did so well! Solomon was very patient and good, Sensei followed directions carefully and was gentle with Sol.

SUCCESS! :D

Now for Solomon's condition:

Happy and relaxed,apparently; eating, standing weird because I'd picked his feet and not made him square up after. He gets some silly stances until he decide it's worth fixing them.

Supporters, Watchers, and Detractors

2010-08-23T13:02:00.000-07:00

Heeeeey folks!

I wrote this on my Kyokushin blog, but I think that it is just as relevant here. Nobody has really been nasty yet, and if I'm lucky nobody ever will be. But I figured I would write this out anyway. I want to share my thoughts. I hope that you enjoy it!

OSU

A kind soul has brought to my attention the fact that my blog can get a bit controversial. Maybe offensive. And that I'm really open, so I open myself up for attack.

This is very true!

* For one thing, I'm quite overweight, and that's a popular thing for people to get nasty about on the internet. It's one of those things that are still culturally okay to be cruel about, no matter what kind of a person it is that is being attacked. Humans are very visual, tribalist creatures, and it's easy to look and make a lot of assumptions.

But then again, maybe I need to stand up and be open. Maybe there need to be some fat people putting themselves out there and showing that not all of us sit on our butts on a couch all day, watching TV and stuffing our faces with junk food. Not all of us are lazy, or greedy, or selfish, or stupid, or gluttonous. This is something that not everyone will believe. I am sure that there are people who will look at me and say "oh, she doesn't ever work out" or "oh, she isn't sticking to an eating plan, I'm sure she's sneaking twinkies in the middle of the night."

Some people will want to convince themselves of these things so much, for their own comfort, that they will never be open to learning otherwise. People like that have already dismissed me, and people like me. It isn't always easy, but I just need to dismiss them as well.

But also, maybe there is some girl or boy out there who has been thinking "I can't go swimming, I can't learn karate, I can't go outside, I can't dance, or sing, or enjoy my life, because I am fat." Or maybe "I don't want to do anything that shows that I have a disability. People will just mock me and try to hurt me. They'll just see me as weak and sub-human."

Well, I cannot promise that some people won't act like that. But those people are not worth investing emotions in anyway! And most importantly-

This is your life. It is the only life you have. It is not infinite. You cannot put things off forever. Your life will pass you by if you do that, and it will end with nothing but regrets and missed opportunities. Stop punishing yourself for not being "normal." Stop torturing yourself for not living up to physically impossible standards set by people whose worldview is so simple and small-minded that they cannot comprehend anything other than black and white. Do not let the cruel people win. They will always live in fear anyway.

* For another thing, I have a sense of humor. It is probably a little off-beat. Okay, it's twisted at times, I admit it!

Many people take their martial way very seriously. I respect this. I take mine seriously as well. But that might be hard for some people to see. I can understand this as well.

Here is the thing- life can be full of dignity and grace, but it will also be full of absurdity. It is often pride that prevents us from seeing the humor in things. I don't mean the kind of pride one gets from great accomplishments- I think that is healthy. I mean the pride born of fear. Fear that one is not strong, not invincible, not good enough, not acceptable. Because everyone wants to be understood and accepted, when you get down to it. Heck, even horses and dogs want that.

But if you can never laugh at yourself, or at life, and can never see that you are as fallible as anyone else, then you are opening yourself up to a greater failure. Either you will no longer be open to learning because you will start to believe that you have nothing left to learn, or you will build up so much dependence on being infallible that your ego will be crushed when this turns out to not be true.

I think that a lot of great, gentle humor can be found in humility.

And you know... I've been far too close to death far too many times to NOT have a sense of humor about things. First of all, laughter helps me find joy in my life and in the things that I do. Life is too short to not find your joy.

Second of all, when the pain is so great or your situation is so hopeless that you just can't bear it any more, you're pretty much stuck with a few options.

You can scream.
You can cry.
You can give up.
You can get angry and fight.
You can laugh.

I usually choose some combination of the last two. Seems a lot healthier and more livable than the first three, don't you think?

So please do not be too offended when I poke at things and laugh. Everything I say, after all, is my perception of the world. In that way, I am only laughing at myself.

*I have an unconventional relationship with my sensei.

We were friends before I was his student. We are like peas in a pod in a lot of ways. But we are also just different enough to make things interesting.

Sensei understands that I'm a feral little PTSD suffering head case. He understands and accepts this. He also knows that I am very playful, and that I tend to test and challenge others a lot. In part this is how I learn people. In part it is how I make myself feel secure. He accepts and understands this with a prodigious amount of patience. Despite and because of these things, we share a great deal of mutual trust and respect.

Sensei himself is not too terribly wrapped up in his own ego. He knows who and what he is. He knows what he is and is not capable of. He knows what I do and do not mean when I am silly with him. He does not feel the need to defend his honor or prove himself against these things. He is not arrogant- he is confident. Because of this, he does not need anyone to walk on eggshells around him.

Now, I always try my hardest to treat him with the respect he needs and deserves. We know where each other's boundaries are, and take great care to not cross them. They are different boundaries than the ones that other people have with one another. I would not, for example, ever try to kick shihan in the butt. That would, I think, offend and upset him. He would see it as an insult, and in that way it would be hurtful. Also, I would either do a lot of push-ups or get kicked out of the dojo.

Sensei, on the other hand, might punish me in a just fashion, or he might just laugh at my audacity, but ultimately we both know that we're okay with one another.

In a formal situation, in a dojo or amongst other karateka, I do try my best to always act respectfully to everyone and to bring honor to my sensei. I certainly do not get overly playful, and I try to not do things that are considered inappropriate in those environments. I am still new, still learning, and still feral, so I don't always succeed. But I do try hard. Sensei knows it. Eventually hopefully shihan will know it too! But either way, I do put my heart into it and try my best.

I have flaws, as everyone does, and I have a lot to learn. These things I recognize.

***

Now, let's talk about people who read blogs.

I was discussing this with my horsemanship mentor, who happens to also be quite accomplished in Aikido. He always has interesting, worthy perspectives to share.

Here's a concept that he brought up to me, and one that I will share with you and expand upon a bit.

When someone goes to read a blog, usually they fall into one of three categories.

*There are the people who are right there with you, because they are on their own journey. They are having their own struggles, but they are also finding their own joy and having their own successes. They are learning from their own failures, they are growing, they are moving on. They might not always agree with you, but they can usually respect the fact that you are also out there doing it. They are great.

*There are the watchers. They like to read a good story. They look to look at the nifty pictures. They might not be able to go on that kind of a journey, or they might not be willing to, but they get a good feeling reading yours. They may still be inspired. They may learn something. They will cheer you on, even if often it is just silently. They will sometimes ask questions that cause you to think about something in a new light, and learn. They get to feel like they are right there with you, a bit, experiencing it too, though your stories and images. This is a lot of people who read blogs, and they are great.

*There are the detractors and distractors. They want to tear you down. They want to see you fail. They see you have success and joy that they do not, and they are jealous. Or maybe they are just small-minded and cruel. They have bought into the internet culture that encourages sociopathy- the culture that allows you to treat your fellow man poorly without real consequences. They feel righteous, and they get a rush from seeing someone fall from grace. They see you are different, and they see different as bad, something that is a threat, something that should be destroyed. Instead of rising up on their own accomplishments, they do their best to drag others down to their own level. They may laugh, but it is an empty, hollow laughter. They are miserable people, even if they are too afraid to admit this to themselves.

Knowing this doesn't always make it hurt less. I'm really open and honest, and I know that means I'm really open to attack as well. But the way I see it is this- I can look myself in the mirror at night. And I do not want to waste my life hiding away in shame because I am fat, or because I have a mental illness. I do the best I can, and try to approach the world with compassion, respect, and strength. I'm not perfect and I don't always meet these goals, but I put all my heart into them.

Of course, all of that doesn't mean that it still won't hurt like the dickens when it happens.

But I will try to be brave and keep writing anyway. I think that courage is being terrified and doing something anyway. I try to have courage. I don't always succeed. But I will keep working at it.

I will not back down.

OSU

The 10 hour ranch day.

2010-08-18T19:15:00.000-07:00

Last week, before I left for Washington, I went to the ranch and ran around doing stuff for 10 hours!

I was too busy to take pictures. :/ But I will bring y'all more shinies soon, hah!

So I did a whole lot, though of course Bo and DeDe did way way more than I did. I'd probably drop dead if I tried to do everything they do in a day!

I went and helped out a bit as DeDe wormed a whole bunch of horses. She did just about everything, but I tagged along, assisted with some stuff, and learned a lot about resistant horses. Solomon is not the worst! One mare, sissy, who is still very young and light on the front ended up having to be hobbled for a bit before she gave in and took her medicine. Some horses were really good about it. Many shook their heads a little bit and then took their medicine pretty quickly. Dede is a master of worming.

After that, I held some horses while Bo trimmed their feet. I did okay at this, except I let Lena crowd me into a corner. She was blowing into my ear with her nostril and I was giggling and not noticing that she was moving me to a spot where I would have been in a really bad fix if something had spooked her. Bo corrected me, and we did some work on situational awareness and moving the horse so that everyone was safe.

I watered troughs, groomed and fed Solomon, and then Bo told me he was going to give me a challenging task that was a test of my horsemanship.

He told me "okay Ev, now you are going to want to be really careful and take your time, NOT rushing things, and put a lot of thought into this. I want you to move all of the horses from their pens back to the big pasture now that we're done repairing the fence. Think very carefully about the hierarchy in the herd, and what order you're going to move them in."

I thought about it carefully, and about what I knew about the herd. All mares, except sometimes Shin, the ancient Thoroughbred gelding.

First I got Breezey, the alpha mare, a very good leader who manages the herd. That is her job, and she does it very, very well.

I said to her, "Breezey, I know you can't speak English, but I'm going to make a deal with you. You get to go out first, but I need you to help me keep everybody else in line. Okay?" Her ears swivelled, and she walked along beside me with no fuss.

Once I let her go in the pasture, she went charging around, screaming, because her herd was not there! So I went and got Jewel, the second in command. Next time I might actually try putting Jewel in first, since she is younger and I feel better about her running around than a mare who has had hoof problems like Breezey did.

After that, I lead in Magic the Quarterhorse, who was stomping on her mare motel gate wanting out. Then I moved Missy the bay mare, then Sissy the sorrel, who tossed her head and jigged a bit because she is young and really wanted out. Next it was Lena, then Magic the Arab. Shin was trumpeting and really really wanting in. He was out loose, so I just opened the gate and called him over. He went in and was a total gentleman. I was going to move the baby, Cali, in last but DeDe had to worm her anyway, so she moved her in herself.

Breezey was a very good mare, and she kept the entire herd in line just as I'd hoped she would, standing near the gate but not obstructing it. The rest of the herd fell in line behind her.

I was pretty proud of that, actually. No wrecks, no one got hurt, everyone behaved, everything went nice and safely. I handled the whole herd except the baby. I've handled the baby before, but I'd never hooked up Missy or Sissy or Lena. I'm not sure I ever lead Jewel before either.

Each horse had their own personality, and I managed to get along fine with all of them. :D

Next, I got Teddy Bear out. I groomed her up and let her loose in the roundpen. I was to ride her bareback that day, and I did NOT do my kata or my stretching beforehand, so... well probably the best I can say about the way I rode that day was that I didn't fall off and I dismounted well. My balance... needed work. I never felt like I was about to fall off, but I was not keeping with the motion of the horse well. I think my hips were too stiff and I was falling forward too much, or bracing with my legs too much. For some reason I couldn't find the "walk" button, just "trot," "stop," and "swish tail in an annoyed fashion." Totally not Teddy Bear's fault- she is a very honest mare. And she told the truth about me that day- I wasn't doing a great job of riding, hah!

But the next ride will be a different day and a different ride, and I'll be sure to stretch and loosen up beforehand.

After that, I hiked around and took some pictures for Bo with his camera.

So, it was a very full day, and a good day, and I was happy! Quite a bit of exercise, and 13 hours out of the house including the drive. That's something I wouldn't have even dreamed of a couple years ago!

Oh hey look, an update!

2010-08-16T11:18:00.000-07:00

Hey folks!

Back from my trip to Washington State.

First off, the best news- Solomon has gained another 30 pounds! He's up at least 70 pounds since we started stuffing him to the gills. Maybe more than that. He's actually getting a little bit jiggly.

Solly was very excited to see me, nickering up a storm like he does when I'm gone for a while. I always feel like he's telling me just how much he missed me and how I oughtn't be away for so long, hah!

I roundpenned him, and after some light work when I whoaed him, he came in... and refused to go out again, shoving at me with his chest.

Now, I'm pretty forgiving with Solomon, and I let him get really touchy feely, especially since I am with him, but there are still boundaries, and he crossed one. I don't ask much of him, but what I do ask, he has to do.

Since I started formally training in martial arts, I've found myself being more assertive, and I've found that the horses have been more convinced when I have asserted myself. So when I growled at Solomon to get his grey spotty butt back out there and cracked the lunge whip, he spun on his rear and took off like a bat out of hell!

And then he went charging around the roundpen. Around and around and around. His ears weren't pinned- one was on me, and one was forward. His eye wasn't rolling. His head was high, but it always is when he canters or gallops. Always has been. But boy did he run.

After a couple of laps, I put the lunge whip down and stopped turning with him. I just stood still, and normally he stops when I do that, but this time he just kept tearing around in circles 3 or 4 more times, and then he trotted around me in circles for a while. Then I whoaed him, sent him back out, and got him to walk for me.

Once I had done that, and whoaed him again, he came in and stopped a very respectful distance away, head low, blowing in a placating fashion. So I scratched his head and told him he was a good boy, and then I turned around and walked. He followed me, of course, knowing well what to do, but he didn't crowd me or push on me. He was, in fact, quite respectful the entire time.

When I took him back to his pasture, he stuck by me and happily accepted loves. He followed me to the gate, but didn't try to force the issue.

After that, it started to get really hot, and Teddy Bear had been working really hard that morning for someone else, so I went in and messed around with computers whilst chatting with Bo.

I headed toward home, but stopped in Vallejo where I played Monopoly with Sensei and his son. When it comes to board games, I am ruthless. Completely without ruth. Muahaha!

Home again!

2010-08-15T10:55:00.000-07:00

Hey folks,
I'm home again from my trip to Washington state, and I owe you all a big update from before I left. I should get that posted soon. Thank you for your patience! <3

Pleasant afternoon.

2010-07-31T21:44:00.001-07:00

This morning I missed a big cattle sorting event because I had to show my house. We're looking for a housemate. :/

But I got to see my Solly! He is doing well. He called to me as soon as he spotted me way down the road. Today he was in an angelic mood. No misbehavior or resistance whatsoever.

Solomon got groomed and loved on, he got to do some roundpenning, and then I let him loose to graze around the ranch.

I told him "don't you go in that hay barn!" Of course he looked at me innocently- he only goes in when I've been in the house for a while and he thinks he can sneak a flake.

Today he just hung out with Lena, who was on the other side of the fence in the large mare pasture. He did come over to sniff me while I did my kata, however.

When it was time to put him away, I just walked over and gently tugged the bottom of his halter. Once we started moving, I let go and he just walked across the ranch with me. I opened the gate to his pasture and said "go on in," and that's exactly what he did. What a good boy!

Pure joy.

2010-07-28T10:06:00.000-07:00

Hi folks!

Okay, I have to jump ahead this time, and then I'll give you a long overdue Solomon update.

Sunday was a big day for me! I got to do something I had never done before. Something I thought I would never get to do!

I got to LOPE!

All right, I'll back up now.

When I got to the ranch, I chatted with Bo and DeDe for a bit, then went and filled water troughs. I helped move horses, leading Leo to a pasture. He tried some stuff with me, but I was firm with him and he listened.

When I was done with all of that, I pulled out Solomon, who had been nickering and whinnying every time I came within 150 yards of his pasture, hah!

I'm going to show you his condition now. Topline is still horrible, but you can't see his ribs. You can feel them when you press. I want him to gain more, but he is gaining!

Meanwhile, the Little Bay Gelding and Remmy were chasing each other around and boxing. LBG was pretty interested in me though.

Solomon, nomming down his senior feed.

So he has these big bulges in the sides of his neck near his head. He always has. Is that normal muscling or not?

Next Solomon went to the roundpen. He did his usual leg-locking at the gate thing because he didn't want to work out, but I just told him he had to anyway.

We did some roundpenning, walking, trotting, cantering, and he did fine, but I didn't make him work too long in this hot weather. Then he had to steal my hat, of course.

He has a lot of fun taking it and scooping up sand with it. He likes to hold it in his teeth and toss his head around.

And how could I ever resist this face?

After roundpenning, I went to the middle of the pen and did my kata. A kata is a series of moves one does in karate- a sort of ritualized one-sided combat. It is a form of moving meditation, and it not only teaches the body how to move and fight, but it also makes the body much more supple. If you want your horse to be supple, you have to be a supple rider!

Solomon found this fascinating. He wanted to have his nose in my hair the entire time, and was trying to stay glued to me as I spun and shifted. He did a pretty good job of it, too! It made the two little wheels in his head spin a lot, I tell you what.

This turned out to be a really good idea. It helped me so much when I rode!

After I put Solomon away, it was time for Teddy Bear.

Tedders was in a really mellow mood. She didn't really want to leave the shade at first, so she planted her feet, but I made her do a circle and said "NO NONSENSE TEDDY BEAR," and then she was just fine. A good girl. I think that I have finally started to find that authoritarian side that one has to project with horses at times.

I had no problem grooming her. She picked her feet up for me and let me brush her out with no drama and no wigglies. She was half asleep.

After I had her all groomed up, I sat in the shade and meditated until Bo came out of the house. Teddy Bear napped.

We saddled her up, and Bo gave me a great lesson on how to mount from the ground. I'll be posting the video of that, but I have to get it up on YouTube, and it's a really big file.

Teddy Bear was so good that she stayed stock still the entire time.

Then it was time for me to mount. She was saddled, and I had this feeling. I wasn't sure, but it was a feeling...

I mounted up and we spent some time getting the stirrups right. I found neutral. Got myself feeling nice and centered. Bo told me that we weren't going to worry about steering at all- that he wanted me to remain in the center, keeping balanced on the horse's spine.

First we did some walking, then some walk-trot transitions. Bo roundpenned Teddy Bear while I balanced on her back. After a little while, he started having her turn and spin. Lots of rollbacks! It was challenging, but fun. I hadn't had the chance to ride in a while, but I was surprised... I still have a long ways to go, but I felt like my hips were a lot looser, a lot more supple. Then I realized it was because of all the martial arts training I'd been doing!

So there we were, trotting and spinning, and I was grinning my head off. I looked at Bo and he was smiling too. He said "Okay Ev, something really special's going to happen soon, so be ready for it," and I said guietly "YESSSSSSS" because I knew!

He got us trotting around and then he made the kissy noise. Such an amazing feeling! I was ready for it. I'd been watching and watching and watching.

I didn't do really well with moving with the horse, but I was determined. It was like being on an oscillating rocking chair moving at 25 miles an hour. So much fun! I worried about bouncing, but the second time Bo had Teddy Lope, I really felt like I was moving with her, and not bouncing! The third time I was behind the movement and I did bounce. Teddy was such a good girl though. She didn't act up, despite my newbie riding. She was a total doll. And I was simply elated.

Thank you so much, Bo. I didn't think I'd ever be able to do that. I will never forget that day!

Good news!

2010-07-19T23:14:00.001-07:00

Solomon has gained 15 or 20 pounds since last week, yay! It isn't a lot for a horse, but it is still progress in the right direction.

Actually, I think he might have gained more than that. You know how some people gain weight in the thighs more, or they gain weight in the belly more? I don't think you can really tell exactly how much a person weighs my measuring one band around their body.

Horses have different shapes too. Some have bony withers, some are wider further back, or they have a huge neck, or they have a big butt. Solomon is shaped like a gumdrop, except at the wither and heartgirth. Go further back along his body, however, and he balloons out. Not worm belly- he is on a regular worming schedule. It's just how he's shaped.

Anyway, I can feel his ribs but not see them, which is good. I prefer having to press a bit to feel them, but we'll get there, hopefully.

For the most part he was a very good boy today. He stood patiently for me, he took his fly spraying well, he performed in the round pen... his penis was flopping around a bit as he trotted though. This is a concern because before I owned him he had to go to UC Davis; he had summer sores on his penis. That just sounds so horrifying... I had to check him out and make sure he wasn't swollen and unable to retract. He sucked up when I cantered him, however, and I couldn't find anything that looked unhealthy on him.

After I roundpenned him, I stood and chatted with Bo for a good while. Solomon got bored, but stuck himself to me like glue. Horses are very tactile creatures. They use closeness and contact for comfort. Solomon is pretty bonded to me, and in a roundpen I'm the most interesting thing, so he stays close. He very lightly touched his shoulder to me for a while, and wrapped his neck around me for a while. Then he backed up and stuck his nose in my hair. I put one foot up on one of the bars of the pipe panel, and he decided it would be a great idea to hold me up with his poll. He just stood there with his head under my leg, as if he was trying to prop me up. Not moving, not doing anything. Just... standing there. What.

Then I sat down in the sand for a bit, and he alternated between keeping watch, nuzzling my hair, putting his head in my lap, and shoving me with his head. That last bit got him walked in tight circles. He stopped shoving me then.

Then he discovered my hat. Took it right off my head. And he found it to be so VERY fun... he tossed his head around, making it flap. Then he ground it into the sand. Then he scooped up sand with it and threw that around. He did give it back when I told him to, however. Having a horse is like having a toddler.

At least this time he did not unbuckle my belt or try to unzip my pants. He has done both of those things before!

Anyway, I took him for a little walk and put him back in his pasture.

I know, I know, some of you are probably shocked and horrified by how in my space I allow my horse to be. Well, I don't tend to be like that with other horses. Just Solomon. Solomon is old and retired and he is my service horse. He is a therapy animal. He doesn't get dangerous, and if he starts to, he knocks it off when I set a boundary.

I trust him a lot more than other horses. I don't trust him entirely, because you always need situational awareness and risk assessment around horses. They are very large, strong, fast prey animals. But Solomon also has a special job, which is taking care of me when I need him to. When I am in a lot of pain or when a panic attack comes over me, he has to take control, to a certain extent. He knows what to do. How, I'm not sure. But he does. He helps me walk, or he holds me up and keeps me still until the panic passes. If I were more strict with him and didn't let him express himself as much, I might have a little less trouble with, say, leading him places he didn't want to go, or getting him to not shove me a bit once in a while. But if I were to do that, he might not feel comfortable and confident enough to do the things he needs to do to take care of me when I need it. Most of the time, people don't want their horse to be in charge. Most of the time, it's not a good idea. Sol is a special horse though, int hat one way. He can't be ridden and he isn't going to go and win any pretty ribbons. But when I panic, he takes care of me. When I am in pain, he takes care of me.

And I take care of him. We're partners. And most of the time, I am in charge. Sometimes he has to be. For a lot of horses I think that would be unsettling. They would feel insecure. They are more comfortable knowing what role they play, and feeling that role firmly in place. Well, and Solly is comforted by that as well. It is just something that he has to be able to be more fluid and flexible with.

Here's the thing though- he isn't the only kind of horse that needs to be able to make independent decisions and act on them!

Cutting horses... they are pointed at a cow but then it's up to them! They have to go after that cow and decide how to move to keep it from the rest of the herd. A human can't guide the horse fast enough. He has to have cow sense.

So I guess Solomon has Ev sense. <3

Unwell

2010-07-16T20:31:00.001-07:00

Hi folks,
I am currently not doing well, healthwise. I am hoping to make a quick recovery. I have a good blog post to make then! But to tide you over, here is Solly!

The cost of Solomon's care, broken down.

2010-07-07T19:50:00.001-07:00

The other day I spent a good while at the ranch, discussing a lot of things with Bo and A___.

One of these things was of course Solomon's health. Bo is confident that Solly will gain weight with the extra feed, and that he is a long way off from euthanasia.

Sol seemed to agree.

Today thanks to people who love Sol, I was able to bring up two bags of LMF Senior, a bottle of fly spray (his ankles were bloody from fly bites) and a tube of ivermectin. I portioned out 14 days worth of senior feed in baggies for Bo and DeDe to put in a feed pan for Sol every day. There was a bit left over in the bag, so I am guessing that each sack of feed contains about 2.5 weeks worth of feed.

Solomon was all a-nicker upon seeing me, and very happy that I was up for a visit. I fed him his pan, picked his feet, brushed him, gave him a bit of a massage, and fly sprayed him. He doesn't like getting fly sprayed but they were so bad that he stood stock still for me out in the pasture, even letting me rub some on his face without complaint.

When all of that was done, and I'd put him back, he didn't wander off or even go to get his drink of water. Instead he stuck to me like glue. He pressed his shoulder very gently against me and then tried to bed his body around me like a giant grey U. He isn't that bendy, but boy did he ever try! That's my boy. After a while he moved a bit and leaned his hip against me.

Actually, he barely leans against me. It's more to brace himself than anything. He's gotten used to me leaning against him, I think, and he was saying "go ahead mom, let's cuddle." I gave him tail-skritches, which make him lift his tail like a cat.

I see companionable horses do it in the pasture sometimes too. In the bad fly months, they'll stand nose to butt, flicking flies off each other's faces with their tails. He USUALLY doesn't flick me in the face with his tail though. Thank goodness.

I should probably lay out the costs for caring for a Sol-Sol. So you know what is what, eh?

Board: $350. Yes, this is very cheap for the area. Horse Hell was $300, and Hossmoor was $460. D&D Ranch is better than either of those, by far, for the horses especially. I know that he will be cared for, watched over, fed, brought in in a storm, have fresh water, and safe pasture conditions.

Given a feed pan every day: $30 a month. $1 a day, for going and making a feed pan for him, catching him (read: making sure he waits to be haltered before coming out the gate) feeding him, and putting him back. Actually a good deal for the work that is done.

LMF Senior Feed: $35 a month.

Barefoot trim: $45 a month. I was having shoes put on him, which I think was $120 or $130... it was $90 for just the fronts. He was more comfortable in shoes but I just couldn't afford it any more. He's doing okay barefoot, and his feet are staying a lot cleaner. I know he'd be less ouchy in shoes, but still, he's okay.

So that's every month.

Every two months:

Wormer: $7 or so That's the price at the race track. I could get it a lot cheaper online, except that I'd have to pay shipping.

Every year:

vaccines: I think about $35 or $45, was it? I save a lot by giving them to him myself.

Tooth float: $110. Down in Martinez it was more like $300+. Just insane. The dentist that goes to the ranch is very kind to the horses, he is the one who took care to actually gauge Solomon's age, and he didn't charge extra for an extra shot of sedation. The other two times I had his teeth floated, they gave him three and charged me a lot for each one.

As needed:

Fly Spray: About $15 I usually go through two or three bottles of this a year.

ForCo Probiotics: $44.99 It cost way more than this at the English tack and feed store where I found it. http://www.forcocolorado.com/horse_supplements.htm But one can, it appears, buy directly from the supplier! Some people don't believe in probiotics, but Solomon gets the runs without it. With it, he does not get the runs. For me, with the feed plan that is available to him at this time, the proof is in the pudding. Or rather, the lack of poop caked in his tail.

SandClear: $15.95 Solomon lives in a place with sandy soil, and sand can build up in the digestice tract, causing impactions. These impactions can lead to colic and death. Sand colic is very serious and the surgery to TRY to save a horse from it is way way WAY beyond what I can afford. It's not a promising success rate, either. So, every month or two I give him Sand Clear for a while. http://www.horse.com/item/farnam-sandclear/SLT121088/ if you're curious.

Mane 'n' Tail Shampoo and Conditioner: $12 or so for the both- I wait until it is on sale at the grocery store.

Betadine scrub: $17.99 at Walgreen's. I suspect that I could get this a lot cheaper from an online horse supplier. I bought the bottle I have now a year and a half ago. It's almost out. Lasts a long time. Used for cuts, scratches, and baths. Bathing a horse with betadine scrub takes care of a lot of little critters and unwelcome life forms on their skin. It also happens to make a grey horse all sparkly and white. For about 10 minutes. Then he rolls in the nastiest substances he can find, being sure to grind it into his mane.

Triple Antibiotic Ointment:$1 I love the Dollar Store. Used on cuts and the sores he gets on his belly in front of his sheath during fly season, poor baby. D:

Carrots, peppermints, watermelons, apples, & etc I don't keep track really. A sack of peppermints lasts a really long time, and usually friends of Sol going up with me to visit buy him something. Sometimes I grab him a 50 cent apple at Trader Joe's. He loves Galas and Fijis the most.

Vet Bills: all of my savings. I thought I had enough for emergency vet visits, but that was before he lived in what I'll now admit to myself was the 90 acre pasture of chaotic doom. Running through that fence set me back an insane amount. Numerous other injuries from fighting over his favorite filly with giant warmbloods half his age and climbing piles of debris with rebar in them did the rest. No, when we moved there the debris was not getting dumped in the pasture. That started happening after we'd settled in, and I was assured that they never got hurt on it. Strangely enough, Solomon has not been injured since I moved him to D&D Ranch. A couple of kick and bite scrapes, but nothing serious. Nothing that required anything other than some neosporin. I'm hoping it stays that way, but of course there is no guarantee there. Luckily, thank the gods, if the worst happens I have an offer of a loan from a friend to have him put down humanely.

What Solomon needs:

A waterproof winter blanket. I do have a non-waterproof winter blanket, and since Bo and DeDe bring the horses in when it gets stormy, Bo has told me that this will be better than nothing, and work okay. Waterproof would be a lot better though. Something like this http://www.horse.com/item/saxon-1200-denier-m-w-turnout/SLT722758/ would work.

banamine: $30 or so. Medication used in case of colic. An older horse gets a more delicate digestive system, and this drug has saved many lives. http://www.valleyvet.com/ct_detail.html?pgguid=78DB03F7-1971-449E-B815-5F7182E048EA&item=134RX&ccd=IFF003&utm_source=froogle&utm_medium=free&utm_content=134RX

An Emergency Vet Fund What I had, until all the cuts and gashes at Hossmoor. :/ It was $950 for a palpitation and euthanization shot for Lilly, on an emergency vet call. This is incredibly overwhelming. I thought I was prepared because I had more than that, in the beginning, in savings for him. All used up. I don't know what to do about that.

Gas money: $18 a trip, roughly. Solomon needs muscle to keep supporting his messed up back. He needs to be worked to stay healthy. He needs to be groomed. He should be worked 3 or 4 times a week via roundpenning and being taken for walks. Currently I go up as often as I can, which is usually when I can hitch a ride with Sensei. It's at least an hour and a half each way, plus a $5 bridge toll. I am very lucky to have such good friends, or I would not be able to get up to see him. At all.

If anyone has a child or loved one who wants horse, I highly encourage that! But be prepared, be more prepared than I was, take a look at this and really understand how much it costs to have a horse. Especially here in the California Bay Area.

My sweet old boy.

2010-07-01T19:27:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been a bit worried about Solly.

He seems to be a bit more fragile. He really seems to be aging a lot.

I have him on probiotics, which helps him not get the runs. His teeth were floated this spring. He's had all of his vaccinations. His feet get done. He gets wormed. He gets a big flake of alfalfa in the morning and a big flake of red oat in the evening. He gets LMF Senior. I am now paying to have a pan of senior feed given to him every day, instead of giving it to him as a treat. I'm hoping this will help him put on weight.

He's losing condition in his topline especially. He's never had a good one, but lately it has gotten thinner. I do work him in the roundpen whenever I come up to see him, but I cannot afford to do the three hours of driving plus bridge toll more than once a week or so now. :(

He is still a very good boy, however. Loving, happy to see me, and prone to getting excited when he spies me coming up the drive. He is a good boy in the roundpen, doing everything I ask of him.

I admit that when I got him, I didn't really understand the scope of the responsibility I was taking on. I was hoping someone would go in on his care with me, but that ended up not happening. Then I hoped (sort of, I admit that I love him and it would be hard to let go) that I could rehabilitate him and find him a good home as a riding horse, but he turned out to be much much older than I was told he was, and ultimately not riding sound. I thought I had a good solid emergency vet fund, but he burned through that in the first year.

I've given him two really really good years. He is a happy boy and his life is better than I dreamed that it could be. I took him from horse hell to horse heaven. I am proud of that.

But I'm worried now. He got way too thin last winter. Maybe a blanket would make it okay this coming winter, maybe not. I don't like how much harder it is to keep weight on him this summer. I worry about how he will do when it starts to get cold.

It's the part of bonding that people don't like to talk about. When you establish so much love and trust. And you have this being who depends on you, utterly. And then things start to decline. You can sense it. And you feel so helpless. Because you can take really good care of them, you can love them and feed them and do everything in your power to keep them safe, but you can't stop time from passing and you can't stop any living thing from getting old.

I knew that by buying him, I would become responsible for his life. I knew that I was on SSDI and that I might never get "better" from the mental illness I have. I knew this, but I knew if I didn't get him out of there, he would die, and badly. He taught me to walk again. He got me to leave the house when I was getting close to not being able to any more. He gave me a reason to fight. A reason to live. He saved my life. I had to save his.

Maybe I messed up. He's had two good years but I don't know how to give him two more. I wish I could make myself all better. I wish he was as young as the people who I rescued him from claimed he was. I wish I'd known enough about horses to see that he was working hard to hide the pain in his back and his joints. But I don't think I could have walked away from him and left him to his fate even if I did know those things.

I'll be frank and tell you, I have way less income than I did before. My parents helped a bit. They've retired now. I've spent thousands on keeping him safe and keeping him well. I've sacrificed a lot. I know you might look at me and say "she's never missed a meal" but I have. I haven't been able to buy myself new pants for a year, though I've lost 50 pounds. I don't begrudge him for any of that. He is worth it. He is worth sacrificing a lot more for. But I don't know what to do.

Solomon is retired, and he would not hold up to work. I don't think it would even be a good idea to try to get him to pull a cart at this point. He is old- at least 25, maybe 28 or older. Maybe he looks good for being so old, maybe not. Who knows what his breed really is. Who knows what his history really is. There doesn't seem to be anyone who used to own him looking for him. And there are so many horses out there needing homes that are companion-only.

Some people do say that you should put an old horse like him down if you aren't sure you can take care of him any more. And if it comes to that... I don't know how I could rehome him, given his age and health, and ensure his safety. I don't know how I could be sure he would not get stuck on a double-decker to Mexico. I promised him that I would do everything in my power to keep him safe and make sure he would never suffer like that.

When his body can no longer contain his spark, his joy, and his dignity, I will do what I have to do. I will not force him to hang on when he's suffering badly. That is not mercy. It would be selfish of me. Cruel.

But I don't think he's there yet. I think he still enjoys his life. I think he is still happy. I think he still wants to live.

Solomon is a good and kind and noble beast, he is wise and loving and his heart is great. He has seen and suffered so much, but still he trusts. Still he cares for others, horses and humans both.

A few weeks ago, I had a long talk with Bo about Solomon's future. About how he is getting old and will need more care. How he might have to be put down, and I should be prepared for that.

I went into the pasture where he lives, and I stared into his eyes. I tried to imagine putting him down because I couldn't afford to care for him any more. I started to cry, and he nickered softly to me, wrapping his neck around me, holding me up against his mane, blowing his warm breath on me and nuzzling me, just like he always has when I've been in pain. Just like he always has when I have felt the panic well up, felt a flashback coming, felt the world start to disappear. He has always protected me, and tried to comfort me, as much as he can. He has done more for me than any psychologist ever has. He has helped me old on to the last vestiges of my sanity. He has given me strength. And I don't want to fail him. I feel like I am failing him. He deserves better.

He deserves everything good in this world, because he is everything good in this world.

So I ask you, humbly, if any of you would be willing to sponsor him. I know it's asking a lot. I know times are hard right now. I know there are good reasons to tear me down for asking. I know there are so many horses in need. I know I am far, far, far from perfect, and I've messed up on a lot of things in my life. I'm not asking for me. I'm asking for him. If you want to but don't know me from Adam and aren't sure that you trust me, let me know if there's any way I can reassure you. Let me know if there's any way I could prove that everything went directly to him.

I have $57 a month to live off of after Solomon's expenses now, and I don't care. I just want him to be okay. I just want the last of his life to be good and happy. If you can help him, please, please do. I will give him everything I have. I just don't have enough to give. Maybe together we can give him what he needs though?

He is a light shining in the world, and he isn't ready to go yet.

If you can think of anything, or do anything... I'm beloved_lokisdottir on yahoo. That's my e-mail. If you want to flame me, I guess you can do that too. But if anyone can help him, it will be worth it.

Thank you for your time.

Tattoo

2010-06-22T01:33:00.001-07:00

When the shape of my body has stabilized (it is changing a lot right now) I think I'll get a tattoo of Solomon on my upper arm. It's kind of too bad he never rears, actually, because that'd look pretty. But maybe I can get a nice shot of him cantering and use that. :}

Emergency dismounts, cool bugs, and Solly time!

2010-06-19T12:54:00.000-07:00

Hi folks!

So the other day, Sensei (AKA Mike) was kind enough to give me a ride up to the ranch.

Bo has some visitors from Australia- a farrier and his wife. They seem like really nice folks!

After chatting for a short while, Bo said to me "go get your horse," so I went and caught Teddy Bear.

This time I called to her and after a short while she came to me from about half way across the pasture. Better and better! She lead softly with no problems all the way to the gate- I was able to just balance the lead rope on my fingers, which is how I prefer to lead.

Once we got on the tall grass, however, I did have to grip the rope and pull a bit from time to time, to remind her to come with me. About halfway to the trailer, Teddy Bear starts to get excited and wants to trot. Circles for Teddy! She kept herself mostly contained, however.

At the trailer, Teddy Bear was jerking her back leg up as if preparing to kick when I touched her butt. I explored this for a few moments, cautiously, wondering what was wrong. Bo told me to spray her with fly spray and brush her mane a bit before going back to her butt. The fly spray did the trick- flies had been tormenting her all day, and it was part muscle memory, part still being bothered by flies that caused her to jerk her leg up like that. Once the flies stopped pestering her for a couple minutes, she was fine with being touched anywhere.

It's another case of stepping back and focusing on the "why" more than the "what." I could have just smacked her for jerking her leg up, though Bo wouldn't have been too happy about that, but instead we figured out what was actually wrong, and found that she was not trying to threaten or attack ME at all- she was being driven nuts by the flies.

I went to pick Teddy's feet, and Bo scolded me because after the first foot I said "next please" to Teddy and she picked her hoof up, which I reached over to hold. Bo said I should always run my hand down her leg so I don't startle her by taking her foot. Teddy and I had worked out a system and I think she was comfy with it, because I asked her verbally to pick up her foot while leaning a bit on her hip to get her to balance right, and she was used to giving it to me... but I was also training Bo's horse to do things differently than Bo does them without meaning to. Since Teddy Bear is used to teach new students as well as being Bo's horse, that wasn't such a good thing, even if we were both comfy with it.

It's really easy to teach a horse something without even meaning to. It's really easy for a bad rider to un-train a good riding horse. It's really easy to teach a horse a different cue than the one that other people use with her, and then that can set the horse or the other people up for an accident, or at least a misunderstanding.

Once Teddy was all groomed up and ready to go, I took her into the roundpen and Bo set up the mounting block. Our purpose was to take a few videos of an emergency dismount. We'll do more in this series, I'm thinking, including emergency dismounts in a saddle, and maybe sometime later dismounts at a faster gait, once I can ride a faster gait. I'm still REALLY NEW, so please forgive my not so excellent bareback riding.

First, we discussed a very common place for injury to occur- the mounting block.

There comes a point when you are mounting a horse where it is safer to commit to mounting than it is to try to "take it back" and step back down on the block. Falling forward is usually easier than falling backward. You can see where you are going, and if you have learned how to fall, you can tuck and roll.

I think that next time sensei is over, we'll make some short videos on how to hit the ground if you know you aren't going to land on your feet. That will be helpful, I hope!

Anyway, one of the best things to do if you are coming off a horse and you can get any control at all is to go for the neck. Grab it, swing around on it, push off.

If you are mounting and you find yourself heading over the horse to the other side, try to grab the neck and swing so that you can land on your feet. If you are mounting a horse from the block properly and are holding the reins right, the rein on the side of the mounting block is going to be shorter than the rein on the outside, so that if the horse starts to move and turn, she will turn inward, her front half coming around the block, her back half winging out. When executing an emergency dismount, you should drop the reins, according to Bo... but the direction of movement may already be established. The horse will probably not run over the mounting block, so landing next to it may be the best option. You might get squeezed there, though. Alternately, you can try dismounting from the other side- no mounting block to get hung up on, but you have to watch out for the horse's body and be prepared to MOVE.

Now we have the walk and the trot. Same premise with both, and I have three videos for you to watch here. I know my riding isn't excellent, I'm still learning to balance and sit right!

Basically, you grab the neck and use it (lightly) to swing around the horse and guide your body. Also note that while I am landing, I keep one hand on her shoulder. This is to establish space between myself and the horse, to balance myself as I land, and to re-direct her if need-be. With a boundary and a bit of pressure set, she is less likely to come into me and run me over. Not a guarantee, but it is one thing that will help direct and even stop her.

Of course, Teddy Bear is a good girl and stops immediately when someone comes off. Not all horses will, especially if the horse is stressed or spooked. Be prepared for the next step as you are landing. You might have to jump out of the way. You might have to thrown yourself out of the way, tucking and rolling. Your first thought should be keeping everyone as safe as possible. If your horse isn't running right at someone, it's better to get yourself out of the way and then catch her when you can.

Poor, patient Teddy Bear was getting sick of her charge going flying off her back. Maybe she was bored of being lead around the roundpen. Maybe she was sick of me getting on and off again a bunch of times. Maybe she was worried that I was going to come off again at the trot, and didn't want to do it, or was annoyed at my lack of ability to sit the trot really quietly. Maybe she thought it would be fun to try to grab Bo's shirt. For whatever reason, in this video she's a bit of a naughty mare, though I don't think she's trying to grab skin, just shirt.

You can also hear A___ yee-hawing in the background, hah!

After the last dismount, Teddy Bear got lots of pettin's and loves, then Sensei and I took her for a walk. Sensei has hay fever and decided to be stoic and wait to get some allergy medications until after our walk. Silly Sensei.

There was a lot of life out at the far pond near the back of the big mare pasture.

There were some crazy-looking dragonflies buzzing around- bright orange ones, deep blue ones, and these pale blue ones with part transparent, part brown wings.

Damselflies were present in great numbers as well, bright blue or white, mating on the wing and on reeds.

I took Teddy Bear for a little trot and a jump over a small log. You can hear Sensei sneezing behind the camera.

After we put Teddy Bear back in her pasture (she didn't seem to want to go back, actually,) we sat for a spell on the porch.

A nifty moth on the window screen:

I held up the camera and said to Sensei, "Sensei, there's absolutely NO REASON for me to be in trouble WHATSOEVER."

"And just why are you saying THAT?" he asked me...

"So I could capture that expression on film!"

Then we went and got Solomon. He was nickering and happy to come out, like always. We did our typical walk down the road past the trailer to the front field, which we trotted around. I gave Sol his feed pan and Sensei and I groomed him. I chatted for a while with the folks visiting from AU, and then eventually Solly worked his way to the long fenceline where the mare herd is.

I went and hung out with him.

That field is a great place for a little meditation.

Soon the burrs and foxtails will be too numerous and nasty for sitting on the ground to be comfortable.

One ear on Sensei, one ear on me.

Solomon and I in all our slightly awkward glory.

Sensei had a hard time getting good shots of us in the roundpen. My camera's card is really slow... I need a faster one I think. But still, here we are! Solly was a very good boy, doing everything I asked of him without complaint. I worked him up slowly and carefully. His old limbs take a little while to work the stiffness out.

Note that he usually, again, has one ear on me and one ear on the rest of the world. Such a good boy!

I don't like that I can see his ribs in this. I think I'm going to need to up his senior feed some.

After roundpenning, I walked around with Solomon following me for a while. We always do that now for cooldown- I walk around and he follows without his lead rope and halter. I'm working on teaching him to back up when I do, too.

Once that was finished, we brought Solly out for just a bit more grass.

Solomon cuddled up to Sensei, and then started nosing at his pocket. The he mashed his nose up against it.

"Hey wait," I said, "don't you have some reese's pieces in there?"

Mike pulled out a little baggy of partially-crushed reese's pieces. Solomon nickered and begged.

"Eh okay, I guess a few won't hurt him," I said, and so we gave him some.

Solomon was pretty much in 7th heaven. He LOVED those things! Lots of lip-flipping because it was a new flavor for him and an interesting texture. He got so very very excited, and kept asking for more. He got a couple tiny feedings of them. Then I took him back to his pasture, which he didn't want to go into yet, so he locked his legs right in the middle of going through the gate. Again. This is a thing he's taken to doing lately, grr.

Luckily Sensei was there with me, and he helped shoo Solomon through.

Solomon checked both my pockets, my hands, and thanks to me teaching him that "kiss me" trick a year and a half ago, my cheeks. Finding no reese's pieces, he turned around and gave Sensei and I "shun-butt." You could practically hear waves of "SHUNNNNNN" coming off of him!

Shorty, his boyfriend, wanted a piece of the attention action. Here he is, scratching an itch on his back leg.

When I started to walk away, however, Solomon did have to turn around and watch me go.

On our way back to the car, we said goodbye to Pallie. Pallie's owner sold her, and she will be leaving the ranch on Monday. I never worked with her, but I often said hello, and I will miss her. Magic the Arab is going to have a hard time of it for a little while, because she is pretty closely bonded with Pallie.

Pallie is a total angel and I hope she has a wonderful life in her new home.

Solomon

2010-06-14T16:24:00.001-07:00

Solly is still going strong, though he will need more care in the future. A lot more senior feed, and a lot more exercise.

I really brushed his tail out at the beginning of the month. I had to braid it in 6 sections just to GET to all of the hair in there. It tends to twist around itself in long, long spirals. His tail is almost as long as I am tall!

here he is with a clean, brushed tail.

He got pretty bored, but was fairly patient about the process.

Solly is a love, and if I whistle to him now he will come trotting over from wherever he is, most of the time, because he knows there will be a feed pan or a treat waiting for him!

Not too bad for an ancient pasture puff.

It has now been just about two years since I first met Solomon. His life has really changed since then! And so has mine.

Magic the Arab

2010-06-14T16:21:00.000-07:00

Here are the two escape artists!

Magic is the mare without a fly mask on. When she is in a mare motel, her gate needs to be buckled shut with a halter, because she's figured out how to open the latch.

Magic the Arab is a very sweet mare-mare.

Riding progress

2010-06-14T15:32:00.000-07:00

Very sorry for all the delays. I think my computer is better now. It took a lot of time and work and help from a friend, but it's a lot better now!

I had some dark days myself, but I'm stabilizing too.

First I'll tell you about what I've been up to with my riding!

One of the other boarders, A___, hadn't ridden a horse bareback since she was 9 years old! Bo talked her into it, but first he told her that I would ride Teddy Bear bareback, to show that it wasn't so bad after all.

It had been a while since I'd ridden bareback. I'm always a little surprised at how much harder it is to remain balanced. Actually, though it isn't so much that it is harder- it's that the saddle isn't there to take a lot of that torque that comes from imbalance, so you are a lot more aware of it. It isn't all on the horse's back, it's on you, too. It's harder to grip, yes. But a good rider moves with the horse, and it isn't really ABOUT grip. It's about balance, muscle, timing, and feel.

I am not a good rider yet.

I am, however, improving. It is easier than it used to be. Teddy Bear is much more likely to do what I ask than she was, and to listen to me. Part of this is because she trusts me and knows me more now. She is learning me. A much bigger part of it, however, is that I am learning more about actually giving the cues properly. I am learning her.

We did a lot of turns and figure-8s. There was a time when it was all I could do to not fall off, and Teddy would stop every few steps because I was so off balance, or break into a trot because I accidentally told her to. Both of these things still happen from time to time, but not as often. Not nearly as often.

Teddy is very good at her job. Her job is teaching young people, nervous people, new people, and physically challenged people how to ride. She is not a fancy reining horse, or a world class barrel racer. She is not a bring home 20 colorful ribbons kind of horse.

She's more valuable than that.

What's more valuable than ribbons? Well, I think a lot of things are. But this is what makes Tedders special:

She is patient.
She is kind.
She is careful with her charges.
She is forgiving.
She is steady.
She is a babysitter.
And when you don't give her the proper cue, she won't do what you're trying to get her to do.

"But they should always do what you want," you might protest.

Well, no. No, because then you won't learn how to ask properly. You won't learn how to ride correctly!

So if I tell her to back up and I am hauling the reins up without giving or using my legs wrong, instead of backing up, she'll crane her neck around, very gently rest the tip of her nose on the toe of my boot, and just roll her eye up at me. It's as plain as day. She's saying "Uh yeah, that's NICE, but we're not going anywhere until you do it RIGHT. We can stand here like this all day, or you can ask me properly. Your choice. And mine."

And that right there makes her worth her weight in gold.

Little things like moving a bit out of sync or going a bit off balance she will forgive, though she'll also let you know you aren't doing it right with a tail swish, or slowing down. If you're really out of balance or out of sync, she'll stop and let you figure it out.

Sometimes she also does have her opinions about things, of course. She's a mare. She's a whole horse, with hormones and ideas of her own.

But our rapport is improving. Remember the time I had to back her all the way out of the pasture? That day we went out of the roundpen, which made things a lot more interesting and worthwhile for her. Since then, we haven't had a repeat of that. Now she usually comes right on out with me, though once when she was sleepy I had to back her a few feet to wake her up enough to come along with me. She checks in with me with a little nose-brush, but she has also begun to listen to me more on the ground as well.

Watching A___ ride Tedders was very eye-opening, because I got to see her in action from the ground. Her cues are different from those of a cutting horse, and it was interesting to see her responses.

After A___ finished riding, Bo looked at me and asked if I wanted to ride again. Oh yes I did!

The next time I rode, Fallenupright from the Free Speech Horse Forum was visiting. Great girl, and I will post about her once I can get the pictures from her visit processed. Bo had me get on Teddy Bear with a halter and split reins, no other tack. I think that's the longest I've ever ridden a horse bareback. It was well over a half an hour, and it certainly worked my muscles! There were three people riding around at the same time, and I think maybe Bo was even on a horse himself, though I do not recall for certain. There were times when Teddy and I were left to our own devices. That was good too. Sometimes I need quiet time to focus just on the horse I am riding and not on the person giving instructions, just to work stuff out.

Teddy was a good girl and did what I asked. We mostly did walk, though we had a few walk-trot transitions. At the end of the ride, Bo instructed me to practice an emergency dismount at the trot. I have to say, it's way easier to do that bareback than in a saddle!

It took me a little while to do it because there was a mounting block in the middle of the roundpen, and because of my body and where I was injured, it's way easier for me to dismount to the right than the left. I know it isn't "proper," though one should be able to do everything from both sides if one is to go trail riding in hills of any sort.

Since the left is my weak side, however, so I realized that I had hit my own mental block when I didn't dismount right away- one I didn't really realize was there. Well, sometimes the best way to move past a block is to break on through, so I trotted Teddy bear up again, let the reins go, wrapped my arms as far around her neck as they could go, and threw myself off of her.

Teddy, being a good girl, stopped immediately, and I found myself landing on my feet, off to the side, staring at her face. I traveled pretty far, hah!

So I'm going to talk just a little bit about emergency dismounts and falling. I don't know if I'll change anyone's mind, but maybe I'll give somebody some little thing to think about. :}

I once asked on a horse forum about learning to fall. I asked people, "so what do you do to learn to fall right?"

The responses were pretty eye-opening.

Mostly they ranged from "I just work on not falling off" to "there isn't anything you can do, it happens too fast and you are just going to get hurt!"

Both of these are valid viewpoints with merit. But I think there can be a little more to it than that.

It's better to not fall off, of course! It's good to work on balance, riding skills, staying in the saddle.

If you're walking down the street, and you see a dark alley with rival gangs on either side, the best way to not get yourself hurt is to just not walk down that alley. But what it you are already in the middle of the alley? What if your horse trips and starts to fall? What if your saddle breaks and falls off? What if there's an unexpected buck?

Then it's good to learn how to defend yourself. You might be defending yourself from an angry guy with a chip on his shoulder, or you might be defending yourself from a hard slam to the ground. Do you want to be completely helpless and unprepared, or do you want to have some tools at your disposal to use, in order to help yourself?

Sometimes things happen so fast, you just don't have time to react, yes! Sometimes something is so shocking that you freeze up.

Training your body and your mind can help with this. It is NOT a sure-fire defense against getting hurt. But it gives you better odds!

Something happens too quickly for you to react. It happens faster than you can think about it. But you can train reflexes into your body. You can practice.

If that guy in the alley throws a punch at you, you won't have time to think "okay now I need to make a fist and since he is aiming for my head, I need to raise my arm, palm facing him, and get it up there so my forearm is at an angle, deflecting his blow and forcing his arm to slide away from me." If you train your body and practice, however, you will find yourself automatically blocking.

You can prepare. When you go flying off your horse, you probably don't have time to think "okay, I am flying face-first, so I should put my forearm in front of me and use that as a starting-point, rolling from my arm to my shoulder to my back, then coming back up on my feet so I can get out of the way of the horse." If you can practice this fall, however, you might not need to think about it. You might just do it without thinking.

Does that mean it will protect you from harm, if you practice? Does it mean that it will always work?

No. My sensei dislocated his shoulder when he was attacked by two men with knives. He managed to fight them off, but in the end he fell and instead of slapping the ground and dissipating the force of the impact, he straightened and locked his arm at just the wrong moment. He knew what to do and his body knew what to do, but the shock of the attack threw him off too much. The shock of being thrown from your horse instead of purposefully throwing yourself off might throw you off too.

But you will have a much, much better chance. You will have a tool that you can use. You will have a skill at your disposal, which if you just never think about it and never practice it, you will not.

It isn't a miracle. There is NO sure-fire way to protect yourself from harm, working with horses. Or doing ANYTHING. But practice will improve your odds.

If sensei hadn't trained all those years, he would have been stabbed to death.

I might break my wrist some day, or crack my ribs. But maybe, because I have been practicing and training my body and mind to process falling, I will be able to save myself from getting trampled by rolling out of the way, or avoid breaking my neck. Maybe I will be able to choose the time and place of my departure, when I know said departure is inevitable.

Things will go wrong. Avoiding thinking about them will not change that. It will just make it harder to deal with when they do.

That's my bit of food for thought today. I hope you found it interesting!

Crazy day escape mares.

2010-06-10T01:05:00.000-07:00

I was putting magic back in her pasture. And I was dumb. I admit it! This was a dumb thing on my part. I latched the gate and looped the chain, but the chain didn't get hooked on with a clip. I walked Magic away from the gate and unhooked her so she could go drink, only to hear the distinctive screech of the gate swinging open. Horses are silent creatures much of the time, and nobody cheered, but the two mares took no time getting out of their pasture. Bad words ensued.
I yelled "no" at the exiting mare, who replied with a threat of double-barreling, or maybe she was saying "HEE HEEE I AM NAUGHTY!" wasn't aimed at me, could not have hit anyone. So.
So the first thing I did was close the gate to the front of the ranch. Don' want the horses getting loose down the road!
Then I called DeDe and she helped me go get the mares. They ran to their special hand grazing spot, and Solomon ran to his. Hah.

They let us catch them once they were happily eating grass, and the mares went into the pen. I got shown how to latch that particular gate. Crises averted, no one hurt, horses got some excitement. I am such a dork.

A moment of joy.

2010-06-10T00:58:00.000-07:00

I had a moment of joy this morning when I went into Solly's pasture, which he shares with Shorty and the Little Bay Gelding.

All three horses were so fascinated with the gate that Sol extraction wasn't immediately possible... so I decided to just give them something more interesting to do. I started walking away. LBG followed, curious as to where I was going. I started running, and he chased me. We went around a tree, and back and forth... then I made a run for it across the pasture! tumpthump thumpthump thumpthump, three horses were trotting after me. Ears perked, not threatening at all. I could feel them trailing along with me, like there were strings tied between them and I. I thought "this might be seen as dangerous by some," and surely it was potentially dangerous. But I know these horses.
Then ran around the pasture with me, respectfully giving me lead, though LBG got excited a time or two and didn't keep strictly in line. We ran around and then I suddenly stopped, and looked back. They all stopped right with me. Many "what was that? It was fun!" nose blows and sniffs later, I extricated myself from the grows and let them thing about what that excitement was while my more sensible old man followed me to the gate, to be let out.

I don't want to talk about what came after just yet. Maybe in a while. For now, just little fragments.

Possible delay

2010-06-05T16:22:00.001-07:00

Hey folks, I apologize for being so slow at updating.

I have a rootkit on my computer somehow. :( I might be gone a while as I try to fix this! Sorry, will be back as soon as I can- I have three updates to post!

Gymkhana Pics!

2010-06-01T10:39:00.000-07:00

Pope Valley Gymkhana!

I got to the ranch at about 7:15 in the morning. Not a bad accomplishment given that I live an hour and a half away and only got 3 hours of sleep.

Ahh, insomnia!

The cliff swallows were already hard at work wheeling around in the air, building mud nests, and catching insects.

After a quick breakfast where I had about a third of a sandwich, everyone pulled out the horses we were going to take to the gymkhana for the day. Leo, Remmy, the Little Bay Gelding, and Teddy Bear.

Tedders took a while to trailer load. We managed though!

Then it was time to hit the road.

A lot of folks were already there when we rolled in, but some came after us as well. Some people had shiny new horse trailers, and some had older stock trailers.

Nice butt on that palomino.

This kid was so cute with her short, massive tank of a horse!

Team D&D Ranch, grooming up the horses and getting them all ready for the day. Bo is a man of action, as you can see!

I got my first view of this little guy. He is 3/4th Fjord, 1/4th Percheron, and 100% lovebug.

I brushed up Teddy Bear and Bo had me follow him and Remmy around the arena and over near the roundpen. Everyone was riding around in the arena, getting their horses warmed up and used to it.

After a while they called everyone out of the arena. A lot of the kids wore helmets. I think one adult did.

This lady was a hoot. I love her pony, who was asleep on her feet a lot of the time. I guess I really like short tank type horses.

Almost all of the little kids were much better riders than I am, hah! I'm not afraid to admit it.

I just absolutely loved this girl on her pony. That pony was so good to her, and she was happy as a clam. She told me that the pony seemed to like a hackamore a lot more than a snaffle. They ran barrels together and wow did they tear around, without her slamming on the pony at all... that little horse really seemed to love her job.

Oh here's the one adult wearing her helmet with her daughter. They were visiting from out of town. Their horses were very high energy and forward.

Team DDRanch, looking at the field next to the arena. That's our Leo!

Everyone was watching the flags get run around the arena for the opening ceremony after the national anthem.

That was the last photo I got of the flags, as Teddy Bear suddenly realized that horse-eating flags were COMING RIGHT FOR HER! There were about 30 or 40 people lined up with their horses, most of 'em mounted, watching. Luckily Teddy and I were a little apart from the group. She started snorting and spooking and rearing a bit, really scared. I just stayed calm and said "hooo Teddy, easy, eeeeasssyyy" and Bo said "get her away, they're going to come back around!" So I did. She got really snorty again and spooked Remmy a little bit, but we managed to calm the ripples in the water, so to speak, and nobody else's horses spooked.

"Hey Bo, how many Gymkhanas has Teddy Bear been to, anyway?"

"This is her first one, Ev. She's a ranch lesson horse. She teaches little kids to ride. She's never been to something like this before."

Oh, haha, good to know!

After we watched people do various patterns for a while, and then Bo had me take Tedders back to the trailer.

"Okay Ev, you're in the middle of nowhere, with no mounting block in sight. How are you going to get on your horse?"

I told him I guessed I'd climb up on the wheel well of the trailer and mount from there. So that's what I did, and Teddy stood like an angel for me.

Look, look, I'm riding at the gymkhana!

Sorta, haha.

I was taken for a ride at the Gymkhana. It went pretty well though. Bo lead her around, and that was fine, since she was still a little amped up anyway. This was all really new stuff for her. And she still hates geldings with a passion.

I love Tedders!

The folks at the gymkhana were so nice that they said encouraging things to me sitting on this horse and getting lead around. That's the way it is at these little shows out here- people are really nice, and if you have difficulties they just cheer for you more to raise your morale and help you get through it. If a horse spooks people just say "yeah you can do it, you'll be fine!"

Here's an excellent illustration of the way horses tend to work. The horse on the right doesn't have any other horses with him. He's getting upset. He reared, even. The horses on the left have a buddy, and are nice and calm. It's not as cut and dried as that all the time, but Bo says that horses are usually happier having at least one other horse with them even if they don't like that horse, especially if they are in a strange place. It's like having a battle buddy to watch your back. Horses depend on each other to tell one another whether or not things are safe.

Next, Bo rode Teddy Bear for a while.

It's the Fjorderon again! He is so cute. His owner rescued him from someplace in Canada. She says he's her own teddy bear.

Remmy might be a bit of a pain at times because he is so playful and high energy, but he sure is a pretty boy.

Okay I obsessed on this boy, I admit it. Bo saw this and grinned. He said "now that's your horse there, Ev. If I'd met you a year earlier I'd have helped you find the right horse for yourself." Of course, I don't regret saving my Solly! He didn't end up being an appropriate riding horse for me though.

Okay so there was a family at the gymkhana, and I just loved them. They had a great sense of humor and were just having so much fun. They had both the smallest pony and the biggest horse. This was the only big draft there.

They called the dad on his draft up, and of course his horse decided he had to pee right then.

The dad just laughed and grinned, calling to the judge "Sorry, we're gonna be here a while. Big horse, big bladder!">

I loved this drafty with the white rings around his eyes and his big dinner plate hooves. He was NOT the fastest horse around the barrels. He was kind of like a freight train. But they really seemed to have fun out there. That's the important part, right? They rode in the Beginner class I think, or maybe Novice, which for some reason is one level higher than Beginner.

Wheee!

I love his Edgar Allen Poe part.

Here's their horses. I think they must have had a second trailer, right? But I love the height differences.

At lunch, the horses of DDRanch hung out. They were fine with their herd.

Here is one of the girls who takes lessons at DD Ranch, though not as much as her sister I think.

This girl rode the Little Bay Gelding, and she won two second place ribbons on him, despite him spooking at the barrels on her first run, haha. She is such a good rider, and so very calm and soft with horses. She did well on a young horse like him. He's going to be 4 years old soon I think.

Remmers and Bo!

This pair brought in three 5th place ribbons. I think this might have been Leo's first gymkhana, but I'm not totally sure. The judge actually commended on how pretty he is while they trotted through their patterns.

LBG working hard at being brave, and his rider being very calm with him.

What a good boy!

As the day wore on, he really got into it, I think.

People at the gymkhana watched a lot of the show from horseback. Some of the horses didn't compete- it was just a really good experience for them to be exposed to all this stuff.

I hope I can be as good of a rider as this little girl is someday!

Here is the Leo team! He is a pretty boy. I love his trot, too. Great floaty Western jog, nice little extended trot too.

Nobody on team DDRanch pushed hard to be the fastest. Everyone on our team worked hard to give the horses a good, safe experience.

And have a blast doing it.

What a pretty boy!

And I have saved one of the best things for last- that family with the pony and the draft- one little girl wasn't quite ready to ride the barrels by herself yet. I think this is the cutest Gymkhana thing I have ever seen!

At this point I was exhausted. Three hours of sleep and getting up so early had taken it's toll. I ended up climbing into the trailer's tack locker with the saddle and curling up around the grooming box and cookie jar. Bo tried to talk me into lying down in the back of the truck but I was pretty insistent. I told him I fit better in the tack locker, and honestly it was way less hot than the back of the truck. It might have looked a little silly with my boots poking out of the locker, but I found it to be pretty comfortable in there, hah!

I woke up to Remmy mouthing my jeans and stealing brushes out of the grooming box.

Not long after that we loaded the horses up and went back home. Teddy Bear did not want to go back into that trailer, and I made a dumb mistake- I tried to hold onto the rope when she ran back out of the trailer! I might have said a few cuss words. Live and learn- I had dead skin on my fingertips for about a week. Lanolin oil is amazing on rope burn though. Bo had some stuff he puts on saddles to refresh and supple the leather. It worked miracles on my hand. Hah.

When we got back to the ranch, I pulled out Solly and loved on him a bit, then chatted with Bo. I ended up spending about 10 hours up in Pope Valley all told. Wow! 10 hours with horses, 3 hours driving, 3 hours of sleep. I'll toughen up yet!

Bo asked me, at the end of the day, "had enough of horses, Ev?"

"No Bo, never."

Dream of joy

2010-06-01T10:36:00.001-07:00

Last night I dreamed that the ranch was hundreds of acres. It was full of gently rolling hills covered in perfect emerald green grass. Solomon was running with a big herd of horses. He was young again, so young that he hadn't finished greying out yet, and all of his injuries were gone. He and the herd were on the crest of a hill too steep for me to climb, though I made it far enough up to peek over it. He ran to me and lightly touched my nose with is, then cantered away, tail high, face filled with joy.

I wonder he he dreams like that too.

I can barely walk!

2010-05-19T18:11:00.000-07:00

Soooooo yesterday was a good amount of work!
But it went really well.

Sensei and I didn't get to the ranch until about noon, but we were there until about 6:30.

First, I had a good talk with Bo about understanding one's limits and taking care of one's self.

Then I pulled out Solly. He was happy to see me and pretty excited about getting to come out for a bit.

He really is a tall horse!

Here I am, illustrating the futility of getting my short self up on a horse his height bareback.

Okay, I know. I know. The pants? Unflattering. Really baggy. They're the only pair of pants I own right now that stay on though! So it's "mom jeans" for me, for now.

Sensei took this picture while Solomon noshed on his feed pan. There are about 80 billion of these at the ranch.

I asked Solomon to stand still for a while after he ate. He was not very pleased with this turn of events, but he was good when I held fast. Eventually he pressed his head on me.

He actually looks kind of beefy here. I swear he does have a neck though!

I took Solly in the roundpen and worked him a little bit, but he was clearly uncomfortable with trotting. He is barefoot again, which I am hoping he'll adjust to. It's only a week and some change since the removal of his front shoes, so I decided that I would walk around with him instead.

After that, Bo rode by on Vinnie and said "hey Ev, why don't you bring Solomon along, and we'll take a walk down the road?" So off we went. Sensei had the camera and had to go rest his back, so I don't have a photo of that. We went past the bulls down the road a little ways, and then came back again. Solomon was grumpy about being pushed along by Vinnie, but it was an effective method for keeping him moving. You use the tools you have!

Here we are on the way back. He's so spoiled, throwing his head down to eat grass. But like I said, he's old and retired and he isn't dangerous about it, so.

Vinnie sure got a workout today! He got a break at the trailer, but then he had to work some more when we got Teddy Bear saddled up.

I went into Teddy and Lilah's pasture and hooked up the big brown mare. She was obstinate for a moment or two, but then she let me lead her out with no fuss. Good girl! Hopefully this means she's a little happier with my riding now... or maybe she's a little happier with the fact that we aren't just going around and around in the roundpen. As necessary as it was, and still will be, I'm glad that we're going outside now too.

After I groomed up the girl, Bo showed me a number of ways to swing a saddle. He showed me that I should toss the blanket on the horse with my left hand, and pick the saddle up by that handle under the horn with my right. He showed me how to use the momentum of my own body to swing it- the gaited horse saddle I had for Solomon was really light, maybe 18 pounds. Bo's saddles are all leather, high quality, and a LOT heavier.

He had me pick up the blanket, put it on the horse, put it down, wrinse, and repeat. Then he had me pick up the saddle and put it down a bunch of times too. He is stepping up the strictness, which is fine. He told sensei it was time for me to get serious about things. Okay! I can do that.

Then he put the saddle on (Teddy Bear is tall! The saddle is heavy. He might have me try next time, heh.) and asked me to name all the parts.

For those of you who ride English and don't know a lot about Western saddles, they are way more complicated and they have a billion and one parts, none of which are called "thingie" or "that leather part." Thong? Saddles have thongs? Yes, they do. Uh, I am going to have to find an anatomy guide to a Western saddle and memorize the names for all the little bits. It didn't help that for some reason my brain shut down when he asked me to name the parts, and I couldn't name a number of things I knew for sure, hah. I don't really know what happened there, except that I was mentally off-balance for some reason.

Well, I'll get better at it.

Bo had me put my foot in the stirrup from the ground again, and I expressed my disbelief at being able to mount from down there. Eh, eventually I may be able to... I think it will probably be a long time from now though. Maybe if I were a lot lighter, or the horse were a lot shorter. I couldn't even see the top of the saddle, and I knew without trying that there was no way I was going to get up there. Bo didn't ask me to try- he was just showing me something I would eventually need to be able to do. No point in trying yet- it would just be unkind to Teddy Bear.

So we took her over to a mounting block, and I hopped on. From the block it is no problem, now... at first I had to haul myself up there, climbing awkwardly. Now I can just hop on, which is promising. I am in a much better place physically than I was a year ago... that's something I need to keep in mind. I'm not close to where I want to be physically yet, but I've also come a long way!

Teddy Bear was unimpressed.

But wait... is that a GELDING she sees?

Now, Tedders hates geldings. She's gotten a bit better about this lately, but still, something about them just makes her see red.

Bo called out to me, "hey Ev- is today the day you have a fall and hit the ground?"

I replied with "I don't know Bo, I hope not, but if I do, I'm ready to meet it."

Teddy Bear was also feeling really high energy and forward today. She was kind of "hot," as they say. We didn't roundpen her or anything first. Just pulled her out of the pasture, picked her feet, brushed her out, tacked her up, and went for it. A good horse can deal with that just fine, and Tedders did really well.

She did, however, want to run. I spent a lot of time explaining that no, we were not going to run. Bo spent a lot of time shouting "SLOW DOWN EV!" I spent some time saying "yeeeep workin' on it!"

We did do some walking! Lots of walking! See?

I think that might be the only photo sensei got of us walking though.

Most of the rest of them kind of go like this:

"whoa there... walk... walk... easy... slow down... waaaaalk."

I know, I'm bracing there. Trying to slow her down with a halter and two lead ropes, hah! I'm glad she's such a good, sweet girl. A lot of it is that I'm not great at riding or communicating yet.

I did start to relax into it though!

Unfortunately sensei had to go sit down in the car because his back was bothering him, so he missed the long, good lesson we had. One really positive thing- I never felt like I was going to fall off. I never felt extremely unbalanced. I had unbalanced moments, and I have a long way to go before I'm sitting the trot right still, but it's getting better... and I got a great little jog out of Teddy Bear. A good compromise, I think, between walking and galloping.

Bo had me two-point, standing up in the stirrups while Teddy Bear walked. Eventually she quieted down, though she often got upset and angry at Vinnie for walking in front of her, walking behind her, being in the same field as her, and existing in general. It was just fine though- that was the horse she was that day, and that was the rider I was that day.

Honestly? It was pretty fun. I smiled a lot. Someday I'll have a lot of fun running around, I think. When I'm ready to.

The big thing we did, aside from going around barrels, was work on beginning to learn to sidepass. Bo had me sort of "drift" Teddy Bear sideways around the corners of the front field. At first I was really confused about what he was asking me to do, and when I tried, first I steered Teddy right out of the field in the wrong direction. Then I wasn't using my leg enough.

Eventually, though, I started to get it! Bless Teddy's big patient heart. Bo told me that I was now starting to figure out why Western saddles are so big- the leg position for a sidepass is pretty physically challenging for someone like me who isn't used to that kind of stretch. You sort of twist your pelves in a slanted diagonal while wrapping the back of your leg around the barrel of the horse. Oh I could feel that... When I got out of bed and started to walk the next day, my legs almost gave out for a moment, hah!

I'll put it this way- usually when the riding lesson is over, I will say "really? We're done already?"

This time when the lesson was just about over, Bo said "okay, one more time around the field and then we'll ride over to the trailer and dismount," and I was pretty tuckered out. Teddy Bear was at the point where she was slowing down too, though I did let us trot about half the lap.

Bo told me to ride over to the trailer. I decided to try neck reining for the walk over. I found that Teddy Bear responded fine to that. Choosing where to go is getting easier and requiring less conscious thought these days. I'm learning more about how to communicate my desires to my mount. That made me happy.

When Bo told me to dismount, he reminded me that I needed to slowly ease myself down using the stirrup instead of jumping off this time. I managed to do it nice and slow, go me! :D

All in all, it was a really good ride, and I think a number of light bulbs went off for me. DeeDee saw me riding and told me I looked good up there today. Bo told me I did a great job and should be proud.

I went home quite happy.

Thank goodness for hot baths and epsom salts!

I wish I had a lot of money so I could take on a second horse.

2010-05-17T23:03:00.001-07:00

There is an Icelandic horse that was rescued and is needing a home, named Baldur.

http://icelandicrehomingproject.blogspot.com/

He's one of 50, actually.

A mellow day.

2010-05-12T15:54:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we didn't get to the ranch until around 2pm, so there wasn't time to do a whole lot.

Solomon needed some Mom Time for sure though. He was rather overdue.

He's barefoot again now. We're trying it out... I just cannot afford shoes any more. :( He is tender on gravel but otherwise actually seems pretty okay. We'll see.

Bo suggested that I take him for a walk, so that's what we did! I found that having a second person along helped immensely. Sensei walked behind him and gently kissed at him whenever he would freeze up. He was actually a lot more interested in walking down the road than he used to be. I think retirement agrees with him, and his mind has healed a lot.

We went father than we ever had before!

Down the road there were some bulls. HUGE bulls. I wasn't sure what Solomon would make of them- his head got high, but not TOO high, and his ears perked quite a bit. I gave him a moment to pause and absorb their existence, then we continued on, walking right up to them. How did he react?

That's my boy!

Solomon just wanted to eat grass. He didn't care at all about the giant beasts in front of him.

Some views of the country road we walked down.

Solomon was actually pretty well behaved most of the time. He wanted to stop and eat a lot, but mostly didn't get to do so. With my old boy, I am willing to compromise a bit. He's retired, he's ancient, and I just want him to enjoy life, you know? So I'm pretty indulgent. But we still went just as far down the road as I wanted us to. And he stood quietly while pickups drove by.

Sensei, laughing.

Sensei, giving me a "you're in trouble" look and trying to not laugh.

I am happy!

My pretty boy.

Remember how the cattle didn't spook him at all? Well the accoustice in that little spot in front of the tack room did make him spook when Bo and DeDe came riding down the road. His method of spooking is to spin in place and stare at whatever spooked him.

Heh, silly hoss.

I chatted with Bo and DeDe, drank some tea, groomed and loved on Magic the Arab, and did some more ranch aerobics with DeDe.

I also had a little lesson with sensei while Solomon grazed, much of which consisted of me attempting ill-advised attacks and staring at the ground with my arm behind my back, hah!

Also, if you sensei is asleep in his car, and you happen to find just the most perfect turkey feather EVER? No matter how tempting it is, do not stick the feather in his ear. The consequences are dire. Hah!

It was a nice, relaxing day.

In which Ev rides around barrels and does not die!

2010-05-12T13:16:00.000-07:00

There's a new face at the ranch!

"Shorty" here did stay at the ranch last year for about a month, but went off to training. He belongs to A___ who also owns Nick.

The land at the ranch, through careful stewardship, keeps getting healthier and healthier. Now a few ducks and a pair of geese have joined the great blue heron, pair of ravens, falcon, countless hawks, vultures, blackbirds, bluebirds, nitchatches, woodpeckers, sparrows, and robins.

(They say "honk honk!")

Another batch of lovely flowers are blooming.

The tadpoles are quickly becoming little froggers.

There are even giant bright green water bugs. Never seen a green one like this before.

Remember Magic the Arabian horse? Well Magic the Arab's mom is off to Australia for a year, so now when I am up at the ranch, I am in charge of giving her some attention and loves.

Magic is just the sweetest little thing... a tiny Arab, around 20 years old, and just a love. I turned her out in the front paddock for a little while.

She really doesn't like being far away from her buddy, Pallie.

After brushing her up and giving her some time in the paddock, I pulled her out and hand-grazed her. Meanwhile, Bo was working with Jewel, a tobiano bay American Paint mare.

Jewel is very much on the green side, and doesn't know much yet. She is a pretty high-strung mare, second in command in the mare herd, and she tends to react strongly to things she doesn't like. Compounded by this was her being worked for a while by an unsuitable trainer who would punish her whenever she didn't understand anything... so now she sometimes goes to that mental place where she panics a bit if she doesn't understand because she's afraid painful scary things will happen. Not a good combination, adding anticipation and fear of pain to an already hot horse.

Bo is working her though that.

So here she is, learning trailer loading. She really doesn't know trailers.

Bo is just easing her in, one step at a time, being patient and giving her time to figure out what the trailer is all about.

There's some resistance here.

Eventually she gets a little more curious and starts to try to figure out what it's all about.

SUCCESS!

He made sure she backed out halfway before letting her turn around and walk out. Then they worked on the ramp, going forward and then carefully backing up, until she got used to the concept of backing out of the trailer. He began with success, and he ended with it. Rather than giving her a whole slew of negative experiences and "ending on a good note," he worked carefully and patiently to build and build on positive experiences.

I stopped by to say hello to Solly for a bit.

"MOM!!!"

I just love it when his ears are all perked like that.

*loves!*

Solomon has decided that he owns that fenceline there. He's looking, of course, at Cali, the yearling. Solomon spends his days making sure the other two horses in the pasture don't hang out at HIS fenceline.

Cali girl!

She is starting to get over her awkward "jr high" physical phase.

Next, Bo showed me how he was beginning to train Jewel to be supple, and to collect. Bo always says "you cannot get vertical flexion wihtout lateral flexion."

Here he is showing me that there should be space for two fingers under a chin strap on a bridle.

This bit isn't one that Bo would really ride her in very much. It's useful for the first part of the lesson, but you'll notice that when he's riding her around he ends up switching to a nylon web halter with reins, because that is more appropriate for the riding lesson. She is not, however, distressed by this bit- it has copper on it, and maybe a roller. The whole time she had it in her mouth, she was sucking on it. Not chomping, not resisting, sucking. Thup thup thup! I've never seen a horse suck on a bit before!

Here you can see that she is already learning to bend her head to the side with only a little bit of signal from the reins. Softness is the key and the goal here. Note that when a horse pends their head to the side in a relaxed state, their head automatically lowers. Bending in this fashion teaches a high-headed horse to lower and collect. You can really see her sucking on that bit here, too, haha.

She quickly learns what is being asked of her, and does it with softer and softer signals. She's only asked to hold her head there for a moment or two. It isn't comfortable for them to have their head turned so sharply for a long period of time, and the amount of time when they actually learn something is fairly short anyway.

Here she is, beginning to bend. She bends more easily to one side than the other. This is often the case with horses, as well as with humans... we tend to be more flexible to one side than we are to the other, unless we really work at it. And just as with human athletes, horses need physical training to overcome these things as well. It isn't just a matter of learning things mentally.

Here Bo is talking about lightness and softness of signals.

Haha okay, so here he's talking about what not to do with your hands while riding. People when they first start out will often flails their arms about, raising them up grazy high or pulling way out to the sides, flapping their elbows like a chicken, etc. I have certainly been guilty of all of these things many times. I have to work hard to not raise my arms up while trying to balance in the trot.

It does look like he's making "monster hands" though.

Jewel is unimpressed.

Now it's time to ride! Here he starts out with the bridle, for a bit.

Bo demonstrates switching from split reins to neck-reining. Later on in the day, he had me practice going from two hands to one and back again on Teddy Bear.

Now it is time to work not only on bending, but also beginning to introduce sidepassing.

I think here he is just bending.

Turning faster now.

And now, why I am not allowed to ride this horse even though she's physically capable of it, no problem. She is green and hot and fiery, and like I mentioned before, she tends to stress out when asked to do something she does not understand. Sidepassing is a little beyond her.

When a horse bucks or rears, instead of getting angry or freaked out, Bo tends to say "WOOHOO!" He makes it all out to be no big deal, and both he and the horse tend to move on.

WOOHOO!!!

And this was taken just after the previous two shots. Note that he acknowledged that the pressure was just a bit too much, and moved on, calming the situation down again. He did not have to "finish what he started," because he recognized that she had reached a mental limit and simply would not have been able to handle any more pressure. She would not have learned anything constructive. You should always have a plan b and a plan c, and you should be willing, in training your horse, to be flexible and to let go of your plans and move on to something else for a while.

Jewel will learn to sidepass. Bo will teach her in his steady, consistent, patient manner. She will not only learn to sidepass, but she will also learn to trust and look to her rider as a good leader and a safe partner. The methods he uses do not produced a finished horse in 60 days, but they do provide a strong foundation of trust and mutual respect that can be built upon for the rest of the horse's life. It is an approach like this that yields horses that run to him in the pasture, that immediately stop if he comes off, and that can put their mouths on him without him fearing getting bit.

Okay, I am very sorry I don't have pictures or videos of the most exciting part of the day, but there was no one to take them- we were all on horses!

Bo had me go get Teddy Bear. I found her in the far corner of the pasture, of course, and she wasn't feeling inclined to work. I'm not sure I'm her favorite person right now, but she doesn't hate me either. She's pretty affectionate once I have her out of her pasture, but she talked me out of pulling her out a couple of times, so she was hoping she could do that again today via passive resistance.

In other words, she planted her feet and wouldn't walk towards the gate. She would circle, and she would back, however. This was the key, heh. I said "okay, well, you don't have to walk towards the gate. We're still going through it. It will be more work for you, and harder, but sure, we can do it your way.

I turned her sorrel roan butt around and backed her up. Slowly, calmly, quietly... but we were headed to the gate. I let her turn around and tried walking her forward a number of times, but she would only take a step or two and then decided that she just wasn't going to do it, no ma'am... so it was back to backing. Finally when we were about 20 feet or so from the gate she let out a big sigh and gave in. I turned her around and she quietly went through the gate for me. Hah, you do not have my number after all, Teddy Bear!

The walk to the trailer was fairly uneventful. The wind was dying down some, so she wasn't too excitable. She stood nice and calm for me and gave me her feet, gently rested her nose on my shoulder and breathed on me, the way they do, you know? She'd probably rather hang out in her pasture than be a lesson horse for such a novice rider, but we get along okay, and once she knows it's work time, she gets to work. She has an excellent work ethic, and is a very good babysitter.

If she didn't, I could have been very badly hurt today!

We saddled Teddy Bear up, and went into the roundpen. I mounted up, and spent a quiet moment centering myself and working to sync myself with the horse. I stretched my awareness out, and let myself feel her breathing, the rhythm of her body, the muscles of the animal under my legs.

There is a concept in martial arts called "mushin." "mushin no shin" means, roughly, "mind no mind." In this state of being, one not only reacts without though, one reacts before being consciously aware of the situation. If someone is in a state of mushin, and their opponent INTENDS to swing a kick, they begin to block before being consciously aware of the person intending to kick, or being aware of them preparing to kick. It may be metaphysical or it may simply be an increased state of sensitivity... a state that horses are in a lot of the time. They must, as prey animals, be able to react to danger without thinking about it first.

As riders, we must learn to get as close to this as possible. WE must learn sensitivity. We must learn to react without thinking.

If a person is throwing a kick, and you have to think "oh look he is going to kick. I need to move my body this way to be in the right balance to counter it. Now I need to cock my hip back. Now I need to swing my knee forward to counterblock," you are going to get kicked before you can react.

If a horse is going to spook, or the cow you are cutting from the herd is about to dodge to the right, or gods forbid, you are going to get thrown and there is no staying on, your body must be prepared to respond to these things. You must be able to respond without having to sit and think about it. How?

You must have focus. Intense, unbreakable focus. This focus is more complex than just focusing on the horse, or your hands, or the environment, but it requires a focus on all of these things at once. An awareness. A dedication to the task at hand. Put aside your thoughts of what's for dinner. How you will make that next car payment. Why your friend got that funny look when she said that one thing. Whether or not you remembered to polish your boots. Exist in the moment. Be fully immersed in it, and you will be prepared for what the next moment brings.

You must practice, practice, practice. Expose yourself to a variety of situations, and if possible, a variety of horses. Let all of the things you need to do to ride, keeping hands soft, heels down and under the hips, upper body still, hips moving, center of balance just a couple inches under the navel, sunk into the saddle, signaling properly with legs and hands and entire body, thoughtless muscle memory. There are no shortcuts here. To become an expert, you must get a lot of experience. I think that I will consider myself a novice for a very, very long time. I have found that some things I don't have to think about as much. In a saddle, at the walk, I don't feel imbalanced any more. I don't spend much time consciously thinking about whether or not my hips are moving with the horse. In time, perhaps a great deal of time, I won't have to think much about moving with the horse at the trot. But only hours and hours and hours of practice will teach me that, and I will only truly learn it when I have ridden a variety of horses at a variety of speeds.

You must come to understand the horse. This is a lifelong journey. There is so much we still don't know. And there is so much that can only be learned in time, and with the right instincts, the right "feel." The first thing to learn about horses is that they never are, and never will be, 100% predictable. I lead Solomon through the gate easily 60 times at Hossmoor, and on the 61st time instead of going through the gate, he spun and ran down the road. What this means is that you must always remain, mentally, open to the possibility that anything could happen. Stop allowing for this, and when something unexpected does happen, you run the risk of mentally freezing up. But in time, if you make the effort, not just in the saddle, but on the ground, in the pasture, out on the road, in all the places where the same horse is, in fact, a different horse than she was in all of the other places, to observe and understand, you will learn to read your animal... and perhaps understand what they are about to do!

Being focused and aware, practicing, and understanding the nature of the animal you are working with can help you be prepared to responding appropriatelyw tihout thinking. It can help you begin to get your spooking horse under control. It can help you move to the right with your horse as he cuts off the cow from escaping. It can help you tuck and roll when you fall instead of bracing and breaking an arm.

Now, I'm talking about these things, but please don't think I'm claiming to have achieved them, either in martial arts or in riding. This, for me, is a goal to work towards, and I am writing it here to help myself focus on it as much as to explain it. I don't know if it will be helpful for anybody else, but hey, if it does help, that's a bonus, right?

It is also a matter of mental training. Learning to get into the headspace that allows it. It is an altered state of consciousness, and one that people tend to train themselves to do via meditation, and practice. More practice. If one can achieve this mental state, however, I will quote my sensei... "Mushin will allow you to flow with events and make correct decisions while things are occurring. Or to even influence events before they occur." If you know, going back to the spooking horse, that something is about to happen that will spook him, you can, without thinking about it, begin to get him under control so that he does not spook in the first place.

So you might wonder why else I'm going on about all of these things. It's because today, though Bo did all he could to stack the odds in favor of 100% success, life, and horses, are not 100% predictable, and I learned a number of important lessons because of this.

I rode around in the roundpen, and that went well. Tedders was nice and responsive, and while she did stop in the middle a few times when she wasn't supposed to (I need to be clearer and perhaps stronger with my cues) she did figure 8s for me and turned well. Bo was on a young reining horse himself, and after a while he had me dismount, walk outside the roundpen with Teddy Bear, and mount up again. This went nice and smooth. Mounting has gotten so much easier for me. I'm going to post about progress in a couple blog posts after this one.

There were some factors at play in the environment around us, of course, as there always are. Across the street, there were men working on the roof of the one house visible from the ranch. They were using machinery the horses weren't familiar with. Even the air hose, which Bo has one of, was not the SAME air hose as he uses, so to the horses, the sound was completely different, and not a known factor. There was also some wind. There were birds doing their crazy it-is-spring bird things.

And then there was the other boarder who showed up and started riding. ALWAYS, other people on other horses are a factor that should be kept in mind.

Bo saw the other boarder show up. This boarder has a tendency to run her horses around. Bo told me to be ready to bail if she galloped her horse over and Teddy Bear took off. "You haven't had a bad fall yet, Ev, but today could be the day. You be PREPARED to meet the ground."

Bo had me ride with him in big circles. Sometimes he was in front of us on Sissy, and sometimes we were in front of him. Teddy Bear was a good girl and did a good job of doing what I asked, though she certainly focused on Bo a lot. Bo is a better leader than I am. I still make a lot of mistakes and am not as clear. It is natural of her to look to him instead, though I am learning to get her to focus more on me.

The horse will always by default look to what they see as being the best and strongest leader, and they will always by default do what THEY believe will keep them safest. They will follow who and what they trust. As a horseperson and a rider, it is my duty to learn to become that leader.

Things went along pretty placidly up until the point that everything fell into pandemonium.

I hate to make an example of anyone. I will start off, then, by saying that we all have bad days, we all make mistakes, we all panic and freeze up, and we all have things happen to us that we didn't expect.

But it's an example with a lot of good lessons to it, so.

The boarder in question was riding her horse out in the open. I don't know what exactly happened, but she got too close to the mare who was out loose, grazing. This mare is often out, and it was known that she was. The mare in question is also pretty curious, so she might have approached, but the boarder's first mistake was being close enough to engage the mare's interest. Perhaps she could have requested that the mare get put away, but there is also a lot of space at the ranch for riding, away from the mare.

The mare was coming into heat, and expressed her interest in the boarder's gelding by kicking him in the butt. Both the horse and rider went into a panic at this point. Her second mistake was losing control of herself.

Her third mistake was freezing up. Instead of retaining focus and being a leader, she shut down in fear.

Just as a horse would, instead of moving to an area where the mare would not follow, she ran to the closest leader. That leader being Bo. Bo being on a horse himself, a young one, and being with me, a novice rider who only had a halter with reins on her horse.

Bo shouted "GO AWAY! GO SOMEPLACE ELSE! DON'T COME OVER HERE I HAVE EV OUT IN THE OPEN ON A HORSE!"

Unfortunately, the boarder was at that point checked out. She was not aware of her environment. She was not prepared for the situation. She did not understand how the horses would react, and was too afraid to consider it. I understand, I have been in that place mentally, both on a horse and not.

For my part, I'm pretty proud. THAT day, I think I handled it well. I can aspire to handle it that well every day, but I'm sure I will freeze up and mess up myself again sometime.

I had advance warning from Bo, who sensed that something was happening across the ranch. He let me know that the boarder was coming and that the mare was running along with them before I could even hear the hoofbeats. I also owe my safety to him that day.

I did my best to prepare myself for the coming incident. I walked Teddy Bear, calmly, away, and when the energy of the approaching horses hit our horses, I had already stopped her and had her standing quietly. I was prepared, as much as I could be, when the situation hit her and she lifted her hooves about an inch off the ground.

The strangest thing was that I could feel her asking me what to do. The strangest thing, and the best thing.

She looked to me for her cue. She asked me, "should I spook? Should we run for it?"

And somehow, I am not sure how exactly, but somehow I managed to tell her "no, we'll stay calm," without really thinking about it. I knew and was prepared for her to spook. But I don't know how, in that moment, I did it. I just let my instincts and my feel tell me, and we understood one another. She trusted me, and she also did her best to take care of me and keep me safe. I won't claim to have found a moment of riding mushin, exactly, but I am proud that we had a moment of understanding.

I saw that the tangle the boarder and mare had caused would take some time to fix, and Bo had to go take care of it. I decided that Teddy Bear and I would take that opportunity to work together.

Sometimes I find that I do really well by just exploring and trying something, keeping my focus completely on the task at hand without having any external input except for the input I accept to retain environmental awareness. I took advantage of this time to try something. I also had an advantage in that Teddy Bear and I were alone, so I had the opportunity to be the only leader available, if Teddy Bear would be willing to accept me. Encouraged by her acceptance of my input when he thought about spooking, I asked her to start walking.

We walked up to one of the three barrels out in the field, and then we went around it.

Then we moved on to the next barrel, and did the same!

Soon we were going around all the barrels, and that's what Bo found when he was able to come back to us. So then he guided me through doing a proper barrel pattern... we did one left turn, and two right turns around the three barrels spaced around the big front field. It took me a while to realize that when he said "around" he meant going all the way around a barrel in a complete circle once before moving on to the next one, but I got it eventually. He showed me how I should be stepping into the turn, opening up the inside leg and putting pressure on the outside leg. He showed me how I must loosen the rein on the outside while signaling with the inside rein in order to clearly give a "turning" cue. He explained to me that I needed to be looking forward to whatever I was about to do, and focusing on that, while not thinking about anything I had JUST done, or anything I had just messed up on. Always being aware in the moment and anticipating the next.

Teddy Bear and I both had some energy pent up from the incident, which while resolved, hadn't finished touching us. She was quick to trot, being warmed up and wanting to shake off some of that excess energy. Horses often deal with stress by running it off.

I found that I had a hard time moving properly with the horse at the trot. I am not good at it yet anyway, but I had moments of clarity in the roundpen. Outside of the roundpen it is a different deal, and a different movement, too, since we were going in a straight line outside, and I had a lot more things to think about. A lot to work on, but we'll get through it!

We finished the lesson, and Bo told me to try keeping my foot in the stirrup as I dismounted this time instead of kicking it out and jumping off. I looked at this with a bit of mistrust, as I'd learned to always kick both feet out to avoid getting dragged if the horse took off, but I trusted him to not set me up to do something TOO risky. I tried to do it, but didn't end up lowering myself slowly like he's wanted. Instinct took over, hah! I got an "oh you CHEATED" but next time I'll do better. :}

Teddy Bear got a cookie and got hosed down, as she had actually worked up a good sweat under the saddle for once. She got to eat some clover, and then go back to her pasture. We jogged part of the way there, which she seems to enjoy.

Then I went out to see Solly, pick his feet, and groom him up a bit. It was dinner time, so I mostly let him be. He still got loves though, and was my focus the next time I went up to the ranch, which was yesterday.

"Oh hi mom! OM NOM NOM!"

Solomon is "welcoming" the new horse to the pasture. Yeah, he's posturing and making faces... but he's still letting him kind of eat from the same pile.

The new horse seems to follow him around a lot, in fact. For Solly, it's good to be the kind for once.

I also helped clean all the stalls.

It was a very big day! Overall, I think things went very well, and I feel like I made a lot of progress and learned a lot. Yeah, some things went wrong, but ultimately everyone was okay, and I think I learned more because things weren't perfect.

I am grateful for all of the opportunities I've had up here at D&D Ranch.

I may be a really big girl, BUT

2010-05-05T13:41:00.001-07:00

...I am not a sitting around on my butt all day kind of girl!

There's some serious muscle under there! I just wanted to have a little proud moment here. :}

Sometimes, joy is...

2010-05-02T11:22:00.001-07:00

...breaking into a run just because you can.

I didn't do that so much before my back injury. Once I started to wonder if I would ever be able to walk more than about 40 feet again, if that, though? I came to see ever ability to move and do something for myself as a triumph.

I was certain that I would never be able to run again.

Little by little, in the patient way that he handled a troubled horse, my mentor coaxed me into trying a little more, and a little more. On the first day Solomon and I arrived at the ranch, I told him that I would never be able to get to the top of a hill by my own power again. A few hours later he suggested that we take some pictures of Solomon and I.

"Hey, see those flowers over there at the bottom of that hill?"

"Yep!"

"Those would be such a pretty backdrop for you and your horse. Why don't you two meet me over there?"

Gasping and wheezing and aching more than a little, I made my laborious way to those flowers. We took some pictures, and then he said,

"You know, these white flowers are really pretty. But you see those purple lupines a little ways further up the hill? How about we get some shots of you two in the middle of those? That'll look really nice."

And so we went up the hill, me gripping my horse's wither, leaning on him. He, carefully climbing, slowly, balancing himself so that I could use him as support, constantly checking in with me with soft, encouraging breaths on my shoulder. In some ways he has always acted towards me the way a dam does her foal. Especially if I am in pain. He always knows.

So that was the start of it. A new phase of my life. A new journey. And over the past year and a month, I've lost 47 pounds, I've climbed to the very top of that hill, and now, sometimes, I'll break into a run.

Just for the joy of it.

Trot!

2010-05-01T15:06:00.000-07:00

So yesterday was a big big day for me. I need tiger balm today, haha!

First, let me give you a little update on Solomon. He's doing well! Here are some pictures from the other day, when I did trailer loading with Teddy Bear. I didn't bring my camera yesterday, which was of course when I got him sparkly white and clean.

He still has fuzzies on his belly and in a few other places. Solomon takes forever to get fuzzy and forever to shed it out.

Not too bad for a 25+ year old horse with a lot of old injuries who isn't in work, eh?

His chest is... not very wide, haha.

*grabs his lip*

Teddy Bear getting moved out of the way by Lilah, who wanted attention for herself.

Lilah is a pretty mare-mare.

Okay so yesterday, which was sunny without a cloud in the sky, I pulled Tedders out of her pasture and groomed her up. She was feeling really mellow and friendly. Several times when I groomed her, she very gently nuzzled me and blew her breath into my hair. She was very soft and kind. She let me touch her chestnuts, which she gets really twitchy about. She picked up her feet for me without trouble. I've gotten into the habit of picking up a horse's first hoof, and then moving to the next leg and just saying "next, please!" They tend to get it pretty quickly, and pick their hoof up for me. It spares my back, and shows softness on their part.

Bo saddled her up, but I think soon we'll be getting to the point where I will be doing all of this myself. I used to saddle Solomon, but I tended to feel like I needed to triple check with other people to make certain the saddle was on right. The last thing I want to do is make a horse sore.

Bo's saddles are crazy heavy too, haha. But that isn't so much of an issue.

When we got Teddy Bear into the round pen, Bo had me stick my foot in the stirrup. She is so tall and my legs are so short that my knee seemed to be just about level with my head. I have NO clue how I am going to manage to mount a horse as big as her from the ground. D: I could have probably mounted Kizim from the ground, but Tedders? Well, maybe eventually...

So. I mounted from the block, and then dismounted a couple times because the girth ended up being looser than we thought, and not quite even enough. It was good practice for me. From a block, I think I'm pretty good at mounting nowadays. I no longer feel like I'm having to haul myself on, but instead must be careful to not overjump and going flying over the other side of the horse. Of course I do my best to not thump down into the saddle either. I feel echoes of physical memories of being an athlete, long long ago when I did gymnastics. I used to have so much strength and flexibility, balance and control... I'll never have that body again, because I'll never be 13 again... it will never be that forgiving again. But I think I'll get back way more than I thought possible.

We did the whole lesson in the round pen, and I was focusing fiercely. We used a different saddle from last time, and I found that I was able to sit in it pretty well, with my heels under me. The best part of all, however, as that I found myself beginning to actually get how to move with the trot. Oh, I have a long way to go, but I had some great moments where I was really moving with Teddy Bear and not bouncing at all. She seemed to appreciate it, haha. I got some lovely little jogs out of her.

Bo got in the middle of the round pen and got her moving faster than I have ever ridden a horse. He told me "now, if she breaks into a lope for some reason, you grab onto that saddle horn!"

Then he gave her the opportunity do to that. He kissed her up a bit, but she decided it was probably best to just trot really fast, and I didn't push it. But I lived! And I really didn't feel out of control much at all. There were a few moments when I was bouncing too much and not with the movement, but I really feel like I was starting to get the hip movements down. We went around and around and around.

Bo told me, when the lesson was over, "now Ev, you go ahead and dismount to the left this time."

I always dismount to the right by default. I know it isn't traditionally proper, but I haven't gotten my sort hilt hung up yet. ;)

Still, it is good for me to dismount with equal ease on either side. It felt kinda weird dismounting to the left, but I did fine. Teddy Bear braced herself, and I said to her "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" but Bo said "you stop apologizing to that horse, you did fine," and I realized that her bracing didn't look pained or stressed at all. She was bracing because I was dismounting, so she was holding herself steady, nothing more.

Now I just need to learn to consistently move with the horse, while at the same time keeping my heels down, my legs draped, tapping a steady rhythm to tell the horse what speed I want her to go (it's a reining thing,) keep my hands quiet, my arms down, my shoulders back and not braced, my upper body still but not stiff, oh and steer properly as well.

Ever have someone tell you "riding a horse isn't exercise, the horse does all the work and you just sit there?" Yeah not really the case, hah!

My muscles are all sore today, and yesterday I was hurting, but it was worth it!

After we untacked Teddy Bear and brushed her out, I hand-grazed her a bit, then got Solomon. He was really excited to see me, nickering up a storm and pacing the fenceline until I pulled him out. Little did he know, it was a day for extreme horsey torture!

It was sunny and warm. Solomon was filthy. I decided it was time for a bath.

HORROR! TORTURE! ATROCITY!

Worst of all, I not only scrubbed him down TWICE, once with mane-n-tail and once with a betadine solution mixed with water, but I also washed his FACE. This is akin to murder, as far as Solomon is concerned. He was so horribly upset. He was furious with me. He snapped his teeth right next to my shoulder, to tell me how upset he was! It was totally a bluff, and I knew it, but I did scold him. Then when I was washing his butt, he lifted up his back leg and kicked! He didn't kick at me, but the statement was pretty clear. I caught his ankle mid-kick and made it a point to scrub his leg and thigh down really thoroughly. Hah, he did not try that again. It was all pawing and head-shaking and passive resistance after that. I mean, I could have smacked him, I could have kicked him back, but geldings do that crap back and forth to each other all the time. He wanted to get a big reaction out of me and he didn't, so he gave up on it.

But man oh man was he mad!

Then, to add insult to injury, I soaked his feed so he wouldn't be able to filter out the probiotics.

Awh man, I think I forgot my feed pan in the field. D'oh.

Anyway, he had to eat a lot more slowly as well. He was so upset by this rising tally of indignities that he was pawing whilst eating. He managed to tip over his own feed pan, and then insisted on righting it himself. When I went over to give him some fly spray, he stalked off about 15 feet, but then came straight back to me.

I think I'm kind of starting to understand why parents sometimes laugh when their kids have a tantrum over something really inconsequential. It's really no big deal, but emotionally to them it is a HUGE deal. He's such a sweet boy though that he just had to make a point, then came straight back.

I stuck him in the round pen and started to, ya know, roundpen him, when Bo asked me to bring in Lil and Shin, who were having a grand time grazing together. Earlier when I was leading Solomon off to his sad, sad fate, Lil and Shin came running up to us. I growled "go find something else to do!!!" and they went running off, haha. no, they don't speak English, but I think horses are better at reading intent than we'd like to think.

So then I needed to bring them in. I just used Sol's halter. Lil made it a point to trot off about 20 feet, just to tell me that she COULD get away if she REALLY wanted to, but then I was able to halter her and walk her back to her paddock.

As for Shin, I just looped a rope over his neck and said "come on, boy." He placidly walked along with me. I'm not sure I ever really had to lay the rope over his neck.

Solomon did really well in the round pen, which he had of course rolled in while I put the two loose horses away. He WAS sparkly white for about 15 minutes! Ah, well. I am used to this. The real point of the bath was to kill parasites and fungi that might have been living in his dead skin and coat from the winter and spring rains.

Solly then got to go out and free graze on the property himself. I went in and chatted with Bo for a long time about computers, and then I took Sol back to his pasture. By then, all of my transgressions had been forgiven, and he was his usual soft nickery self again.

After that I had dinner with sensei and his son, and then the three of us played Scrabble. I won by about 100 points, haha. I love that game.

Then it was time for a karate lesson, though it was a short one with not very many crunches, as sensei took pity on me. I'm also catsitting right now, which includes giving medication to one of the cats. It's too bad for that cat that I've had a lot of experience worming Solomon. There is nothing he can do that makes it as challenging as Solly... though Sol cannot hide under the bed for over an hour, grr...

I bet he would if he could!

NOT THE TRAILER, ANYTHING BUT THAT!

2010-05-01T14:34:00.000-07:00

When I went up to the ranch on Monday, Bo had some big news for me.

"Ev, there's a gymkhana coming up sometime soon. It's going to be a lot of fun, with a lot of nice supportive folks. If you feel up to it, I think it would be great for you to come and participate in a couple of the events for new riders."

Okay, I'm really excited about this! Kind of nervous, too. I'm not nervous about riding, but I am a bit nervous about humiliating myself, hah. I have been to one of these before to watch though, and everybody cheers at everyone, even if they end up running past all the poles or knocking over a barrel. I'll probably be going up against 6 year olds on 10hh ponies, and they will probably beat me, 'cos a lot of those kids seem to have been born sitting in a saddle. That's okay, I am just so excited to be doing this. Something I never thought I'd do.

Well, Teddy Bear is not the kind of horse that gets excited about getting on a trailer. She isn't the kind of horse where you can say "load up" and the equine in question goes running in.

So I pulled her out of her pasture, and made her look like a million bucks. She loves having her mane and tail brushed. I think she'd happily get brushed for hours. She was not, however, very happy about getting asked to get on the trailer.

I am not really certain how to describe our first attempts. I did some stuff right, and I did some stuff wrong. Teddy Bear figured out that she could wing out to the right at the last moment, and then rear to yank the lead rope away. So not good. I got a little bit agitated myself, though I did my best to not show it. I didn't want her to hurt herself, and I didn't really want to get hurt either. We tried putting a bunch of pressure on her to load up, with not the best results. I got a bit of rope burn on my hands. Bo called a stop to things and told me to take her for a walk around the obstacle course.

We took a walk and I decided to have us run it off a bit. Running off the stress can really help a horse. Okay, trot it off, because I cannot run fast enough for any horse to bother with a canter. But we jumped over the little log out there a few times. Solomon, when he jumps, does this pretty thing where he tucks his legs up and arches his neck, ears perked forward, leaping. Teddy Bear kind of said "wait you want me to WHAT? I am a chunky stock horse, are you serious?" but she did gamely jump when I asked her to. Haha. I think she'd rather just step over, and mostly that's what we did. Probably not good to ask a trail horse to do all that much jumping.

Anyway, what it accomplished was engaging her mind, and getting her to listen to me more. I made things interesting and I redirected all the energy she had built up stressing about being asked to get into that scary scary trailer that clearly eats big sorrel mares. I sang the "big brown mare" song to her, which I wrote on the spot. Yes, I sing to horses. Yes, I am a dork. Yes, they really seem to like it, heh.

So when we got back to the trailer, we used a combination of cookies and Bo standing way back with a plastic bag on a stick. Yeah, I know... but it worked! He just used it very lightly to make sound the first time, and only a tiny bit the second. I think the third and forth times Teddy loaded up, he didn't use it at all. I let her back out as soon as she wanted to. Bo said it was better to just build on the success of the day than try to force more. He told me that one of the biggest risks in a trailer is a horse flinging their head up and hitting their poll on the roof of the trailer. Horses can die that way.

But she was reassured that the trailer was not going to eat her, and that maybe she could load up after all. We'll keep working on it, since she's the horse I will be riding at the gymkhana, and we'll have to be able to trailer her if we're going to do that.

I mucked three 30 by 100 foot paddocks. One of the mares that was living in one of them decided to decorate the entire paddock with individual balls of poo. I mean she managed to space it out over the entire surface of the paddock. It took me a long long time to rake it all up for picking up with the apple picker, and it looked like a giant Zen garden by the time I was finished.

These are from the 21st when sensei had the camera, but shoveling horse poo is pretty much the same thing any day.

Ahh, ranch aerobics. Bo told sensei that I thrived on exercise. Sensei has taken this to heart (all senseis are sadists anyway) and my abs are usually sore these days. Wheee, crunches.

Oh I ached after that day, but the next day I was just fine. Which meant more crunches.

Wax on, wax off!

Last week!

2010-05-01T13:57:00.000-07:00

Hey folks!

So last week I got to RIDE! :D

See this?

This is a happy Ev. A happy Ev who should probably invest in some sunglasses. I'll have to remember that the crow's feet I'm getting are crow's feet of JOY.

Jooooy.

The weather was a little on the schizophrenic side that day. It would rain and then get hot and sunny, then it would get really windy and cloudy, then sunny, then rainy, then clear again.

Bo told me to go get Teddy Bear and see where she was at. I went out to her pasture and she would. Not. Budge. I tried a number of tricks that I use with Solomon when he locks up, but none of them worked. I thought about it, and decided that I didn't want to end up with a big huge conflict, and that I'd defer to Bo and DeDe on it. I came out and said "well she won't move, maybe she knows something I don't."

Leo was set to give someone a ride later in the day, so DeDe said maybe I could groom up some horses instead. I said that would be great, 'cos I do love grooming up horses, but I think she might've heard a bit of disappointment in my voice. I try to not be a demanding princess, you know? Sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn't. There are only a couple horses on the ranch that are right for me at the moment, as a novice rider of size who is still learning how to balance properly. Like, Vinnie? I think he could probably carry me just fine. Maybe Jewel too. But neither of those horses is appropriate for a new rider such as myself. Teddy Bear and Leo are both very well-behaved overall. Tedders is quite the babysitter, and she and I have been getting to know each other.

I went and got Breezy, and groomed her up. When I sprayed some show sheen in her mane, I covered her eye so she wouldn't get stung by the spray. At first she wasn't too happy about this, but I think she pretty quickly figured out that it was a good thing that would make her more comfy. I like that mare- she's really sensible.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw DeDe moving Teddy Bear. Tedders was acting up and getting circled, but she was out of her pasture.

While I made Breezy look nice and skritched her itchy itchy forehead, Bo and DeDe trimmed Teddy's hooves, which she took great exception to. She was in a pretty bad mood, haha. They were firm with her, but what I noticed most of all is that they solved the problem by giving her time to get used to the idea that she was going to have to get her feet done, and she was going to be working. Sometimes you just have to give them time to adjust their own attitude. If you can get them to acclimate and accept, you can avoid a lot of conflicts.

So eventually if was time to put Breezy away, and Bo threw a Saddle on Teddy Bear and had me get on! Teddy was feeling calm and laid back at that point.

Now I often have weird and serious expressions on my face whilst riding. I'm focusing hard, and we're working on slightly more challenging stuff now. I promise I'm happy and not grumpy, haha!

Oh hey look, proper riding boots.

I know, I know, no helmet. L____ at the ranch keeps dropping not so subtle hints about wearing a helmet, heh! "I've come off a horse badly a few times. THANK GOODNESS I was wearing a HELMET." *pointed look at me.*

When I was at Hossmoor I always wore a helmet, pretty much, when riding. I think I forgot once. Most of the boarders there wore a helmet. None of the trainers ever did, from what I recall.

I know some of you feel so passionately about this. I'm sure some of you will continue to call me foolish for not. Eh.

What WAS more of a source of distress was that since I didn't think I was going to be riding after all, I did not don the uh, proper support. Sensei did take a video of me outside of the roundpen trotting on Teddy Bear behind Bo, with Bo resolutely looking straight ahead, haha. I am SO not putting that video up on YouTube. It borders on obscene. Ooooops. Doesn't look so bad from above!

I swear that I am not eating a chili pepper or something in this photo. I am just thanking Teddy Bear for putting up with my noobishness and carting me around.

Teddy Bear has a big solid butt. It roans out in the summer. I mostly like my form in this picture, but I need to lower my hands a bit, and maybe move my heel back. Heels are down though! Back is straight, I'm not staring at Teddy's ears, and my legs are getting better at draping. With shortened achiles tendons it's hard to get my heels down AND get my legs to relax, but I think I'm getting better at that.

I could use a saddle that has a few more inches to the seat, haha! But other than that, I'm really liking how I'm sitting in this one. Need to even the reins a little bit, and maybe turn my knees out a bit to match my toes being out, but other than that, not too bad I think.

Oh look, I am cracking a smile!

I believe I was in the saddle for a good 30 or 40 minutes. Bo wanted me to spend time in the saddle, just get used to making every movement purposeful, and not squirming unnecessarily. The horse will read and interpret every movement and shift. A soft, sensitive horse, especially, will read and respond to many cues that a green rider is not aware that they are giving. Furthermore, the horse will learn to respond to these cues, and the green rider will end up training the horse to do things they do not intend to. As Bo says, a green rider can ruin a finished horse.

So now it is time for me to work hard at rising to the level of the horse. Physically, I am more able by far than I was when I first arrived at the ranch. I also have a long way to go, but between working with horses and martial arts, I'm making a lot of progress. Bo says that we are well beyond the idea of therapeutic riding, and now we're working on real riding.

I'm doing things that I thought I would never be well enough to do. I am finding my joy.

Okay, so this looks awesome.

2010-04-22T17:47:00.001-07:00

http://www.fuller-fillies.co.uk/

Yay!

RIP lilly

2010-04-20T01:45:00.000-07:00

Sweet old Lilly passed away the day before yesterday. She was a kind and gentle mare, and she will be missed by everyone at the ranch, including her best friend, Nikky.

She's the lighter colored mare.

Surprising news about Solomon.

2010-04-15T11:14:00.000-07:00

When I turned the car off up at the ranch today, I heard "meow. meow. MEOW!"

"Well that can't be right," I said to Sensei, "it sounds like there's a cat out there."

"Yeah, I hear that too," he said, and we got out of the car to find this:

Okay folks. I'm going to give you a short little lecture right now about dropping your housecat out in the country. Or any pet.

You don't want fluffy any more. Maybe he doesn't match your new curtains, or you actually believe that he will suffocate your new baby at night because he is an agent of the devil. Or maybe you can't afford to take care of him any more and don't know what else you can do.

So you think to yourself, "oh hey, I'll let Fluffy live in the country where he can be free and wild and happy, frolicking in the flowers!"

No.

No, Fluffy will be terrified and starving, thirsty, with no knowledge of how to hunt for food on his own. Fluffy will get hunted down and eaten by coyotes, run over by a car, shot by a rancher who doesn't like cats or who worries that the barking, charging dog is going to attack his stock, or slowly, painfully starve to death, scared and alone.

That's what happens most of the time when you take Fluffy out to the country and dump him.

This cat is ribby and scared and clearly isn't used to living in the country. He's small enough for a large owl to take. He doesn't seem to know how to hunt, and he has that desperate "please save me and take me home" cry.

Does anybody want a cat? Anybody here in Northern California? I'll drive him to you if you can commit to giving him a good home. I haven't been able to convince my entire household to take him yet, and even if I could, I don't know if he'd be able to get on with my two cats. He is pretty and friendly and sweet though. He purrs if you pick him up. Not a feral cat. Bo says he's a city cat, somebody's abandoned pet. Bo is not a cat person.

Okay, we have that bit out of the way. Now on to horses.

All the photos taken today were taken by sensei. I was busy doing horse stuff for the most part, some of it pretty visceral wet stuff, so a camera was just not practical for me to carry around. Thank you, sensei, for taking photos!

Lil was running around, having a blast being a horse. I really do like this mare!

Bo and I talked about approaching a horse, getting to know her, getting her to accept you, and working on co-operation instead of coercion. She could have gone anywhere on the ranch when this picture was taken, but instead she let us mess with her, pick up her feet, play with her tail, rub her belly, rub her ears, eyes, face, everything.

Wow, my pants are WAY too big. :/

The equine dentist I saw today, Dr. Stewart, was a really great guy!

He was kind, compassionate, and patient with the horses. They all responded to this eventually, even the one who rears when you stick a needle in her. He kept calling them "sweetheart" and telling them that no one was going to hurt them. He told them he was just going to help them feel good. They don't speak English, but they do understand focused intent, and they understood his.

He managed to look in Sol's mouth before sedating him. Nice work! Then he sedated him, and thought carefully before sedating him some more. "I don't like to sedate a horse more than he needs to be sedated," he said. I like that. Solomon is a sweet boy but he gets mental blocks with certain things and really fights losing control. If you drug him, he'll fight the drug.

Sol had good teeth. The best he'd seen yet on the ranch, the dentist told me. The last people who floated his teeth did a very good job. He evened out his incisors, which were only a little bit off.

I asked Dr. Stewart, "hey, how old do you think this horse is?"

"Well," he said, after looking and carefully considering, "going by his incisors, I'd say 18 or 19 years old, but we're going to have to look deeper to get a really good idea of how old he is."

"It's okay sweetheart, I'm going to help you and make you feel good," he said, putting the oral speculum on Solomon's head.

He looked in Solomon's mouth and said he only needed a little work there too, which he did. When he took the device off, he turned to me and spoke.

"Well, if I were to have jsut gone by his incisors, I would have said 18 or 19," he said, "but you have to take a look at the 4th molar. It's the first tooth to come in, and the first to wear. Now, I have been wrong about a horse's age before, but I'm pretty confident of this. When a horse reaches about 22 or 23 years old, their 4th molar starts to cup. His tooth has been cupping for a while now, looks like, at least a number of years. I'd say this horse has to be at least 25 years old. At least."

WHOA.

So Solly is 25 or older? Oh. Oh wow. Okay.

The people at the place I rescued him from said he was in his early teens, 12 or so. Somebody else told me 14. The vet who just looked at his incisors at the time said between 15 and 17 or so, probably more like 17. A year ago I got the estimate of 18. I figured he was probably on the older side and maybe about 19 by now. I did kind of of wonder if he might be older though.

If he's 50 or older, he's doing pretty well for a retired horse with physical issues!

"Oh, well! That might explain why he doesn't have so much pep," Bo said.

After Solomon got his teeth cleaned, and the dentist pulled out a couple good sized beans, Sol was still so stoned that we didn't want him to try to walk anywhere. He fights sedatives, but then they hit him later like a ton of bricks.

I love stoned horses.

I had to help him balance himself for a while. He really seemed at fist of toppling over. It seems like holding on to his head helps better than leaning on a shoulder, especially since when he's stoned he doesn't really think about how leaning back would just result in falling down and squishing mom.

Of course I had to be a complete dork, and drag my poor old horse into the dorkiness pool by making him "talk" with his droopy stoned lower lip. Yeah, I know, should I really post this on the internet? Oh well!

I decided I'd put it off long enough, once he could more or less stand on his own. I asked sensei to hold him (I have to start teaching him basic groundwork, holding horses, moving through gates, that sort of thing) and I got the bucket, the gloves, and the Excalibur.

Yes, in case you missed it before, the sheath cleaning soap I use is called "Excalibur." HURP A DUR HURRRR!

Okay I let it go a year. This, as it turns out, is WAY too long to let Sol's sheath go without a cleaning. I felt so bad about it! It was... okay it was not pretty. I don't think I even managed to get everything on the inside of the sheath loose. I got most of it, but it took so long that the sedative started to wear off enough for Solomon to a) decide he was enjoying it a bit too much, and b) decide to go on walkabout. Sensei doesn't know how to handle horses yet really, so he didn't know how to STOP Sol from wandering over to sniff another sedated horse. That was the end of the sheath cleaning session. But my back was screaming by that time anyway.

He has a little lesion on his penis. It might be that he just scratched it somehow on something, I don't know. But I'll have to keep an eye on it. I know that a few years ago with a previous owner he got summer sores on it and had to go to U.C. Davis for treatment. Yeah, don't want that to happen!

Anyway, I hosed out his sheath (cold water, poor baby!) and then I completed the trifecta of torture by worming him. He was in the cross ties, sensei was trying to hold his head with the halter, and he was still pretty drugged, but this was Solomon so he tossed his head and fought. Instead of trying to steal it though, I did what Bo has done, let him get used to the tube touching his face, sticking my finger in his mouth, and eventually (EVENTUALLY, heh) just sticking the tube in and filling his mouth with nasty nasty wormer.

Once defeated, and after I held his head up for a minute or so, stroking his throat to encourage swallowing, I let Solomon go, and he had to do his thing. Every time I worm him, or something else terribly upsetting happens, he has to hide his face under my arm. He shoves his head under until his eyes are shielded, and then he stands there.

So I hug him

"I am safe, Mom has me and no one can see me because I cannot see them!"

Focus

2010-04-12T16:12:00.000-07:00

The other day, sensei and I went up to the ranch.

Okay, okay, OKAY. You English people and your helmets. I pulled my helmet out of my trunk, and prepped it for use.

Meet SafetyGnome.

"Wear your helmets, kids, and keep a light handy!"

As you can see, sensei is very impressed with this helmet.

And I am ready to go!

Next, it was time for me to catch Lil and put her back in her pen. Sensei is still getting used to the camera, but I wanted to show a couple shots anyway.

When I took a couple of lessons a year and a half ago, the woman who taught me had me gripping the lead rope right under the horse's chin very firmly. It's a tight, controlling grip. I was confused overall, because it did not actually help me get my horse to do what I asked more willingly. Instead, he was more prone to resist, tense up, and panic. Of course, he also wasn't being allowed to be a horse as much, and I was tenser, and resisting more.

Mark Rashid and Bo both take the approach that if you want to GET softness from a horse, you have to GIVE softness. There are horses that feel more comfortable with more or less clear, firm cues, of course, and there are situations that require a little more control. But overall, I've found, under Bo's guidance, that horses are very sensitive, and they tend to appreciate it when things are a little more relaxed. Give a little, get a lot. Lil is a sensitive mare with a lot of opinions about life. I try to give her time, patience, understanding, and softness. She seems to really appreciate this.

When I first got here, Bo showed me how he could walk his horses around with the lead rope just tucked in his pocket. Actually it seems like a lot of the time he doesn't even really need the rope... they'll usually just follow him around.

I think that groundwork is really underappreciated. Taking the time to get to know a horse's personality can be so valuable. That bit of comfort and understanding can go a long way when you are on the horse's back too. You might think it is silly of me to write numerous paragraphs about walking a horse 50 feet, but my goal is to not just become a rider. My goal is to become a horsewoman. My goal is to have a purpose behind every movement I make, and thought behind that purpose.

A while ago, Bo told me to try doing some stuff like brush my teeth with my left hand instead of my right, and put my shoes on in the opposite order that I normally put them on. The purpose of this was to get me thinking about what were automatic actions. I found myself feeling a little challenged by brushing my teeth with my off hand, though I have been learning bit by bit to be a little more ambidextrous. But I also found myself breaking down every action. I found myself thinking "okay, this is how I've always done this... but can I do it better? Are there other ways to do this? What, exactly, am I doing every step of the process?"

So I can lead a horse, or I can consciously lead a horse. I can consciously choose to be softer. This doesn't mean not losing my "feel," which is something that comes to you with time and experience and personality, like an instinct.

But I find myself thinking, "well... I could grip the lead rope in my fist... or I could just balance it on my fingertips. Will she still understand me when I do this? Will she feel calmer, or less sure of herself?"

With Lil, as with many horses, I found that she was calmer. She was very easily able to understand what I was asking just by a slight change in the weight of the rope. Lifting a pinky sent her a message, and she was listening to it.

But the thing is, it isn't really just about groundwork. Because someday, if I keep practicing, I hope to learn to ride a horse with the same softness. Wiggling a pinky can be all the signal a horse needs to turn. I even saw Bo guide Solomon this way.

But like so many things with horses, it goes both ways. It doesn't just teach me softness when riding, it also teaches a horse softness undersaddle. If I can guide a horse with a loose lead rope, I think I probably have a better chance of getting that horse to steer and respond well to a loose rein.

I was looking at a coffee table book of photos of Mark Rashid doing clinics the other day, and I noticed a theme in all of the riders he was teaching- soft hands, guiding and steering lightly with the fingers, almost sideways. Now, it does depend on what exactly you are DOING with the horse, but this hand position interested me. A little mental note for myself, really... I am still so new to riding. I am working on keeping my hands low and soft and in the same position. But in time, I will want to become much more refined in my cues. I like the idea of guiding with just the lightest wiggle of a finger.

On the way to Sol's pasture, we noticed that the pond has tadpoles!

Eeee, they look like they're going to get little leggies soon.

Big scary sensei took pictures of flowers.

I "caught" Solomon, which consisted of him pacing at the gate and nickering until I found a halter for him and told him to back so I could get in his pasture and hook him up.

Now, that day Sol required a firmer hand than Lil. He gets really excited about going up that hill... mostly, I think, because he wants to go charging back DOWN the hill. And there's all this nummy green grass, see? So he needs a bit more of a reminder that he should be listening to, and focusing on, mom. When we walk around the ranch doing our normal thing, I often just toss the lead rope on my shoulder and let it balance there while I walk. The ridge, however, is like a giant rollercoaster ride to Solly.

Here we are, the most dignified, serious pair ever.

I just love Sol's pretty head.

Yep, serious beings!

The problem with going past the really well fertilized spot at the back of the ranch was that Solomon was rather disinclined to leave. I think that might be oat grass there, not sure.

Yeppers, he was Not Pleased with leaving the Best Grazing Spot Ever.

I held my hand high because Solomon kept wanting to graze instead of walk. I think in stressful situations, like going someplace he doesn't normally go to, he has a tendency to comfort eat. I think he grazes to assure himself that things are okay. Or maybe he's trying to retain some control over the situation. Or maybe he's just really food greedy. I think it's probably mostly a combination of the first and the last idea.

He isn't very easy to handle going up the ridge, and while I often forget these days that I have exercise asthma, I sure remember it when we're taking this walk!

Time to run in a circle around mom! Yeah, we have some work to do.

Note though, that while he's jiggy, Solomon has an ear on me. He almost always does.

Finally we got to the top! I felt like my lungs were full of fluid and was wheezing at this point. Sensei chided me gently for not having brought my inhaler. I almost never need it at the ranch these days, so I didn't think about it.

Solomon loves to graze and snuggle me with his head at the same time. This is a mutual comfort thing, and it's him checking in.

Then a horse down at the ranch below called. Solomon braced and screamed back. He still has an ear on me though! Sometimes I really think he must have some Arab in there.

Shortly after this picture, I let Solomon go back down the hill. He knew when I was about to let him go, and got really jiggy and head-tossy. He really wanted to go back to his familiar grazing area where the other horses were! I made him stand still before I would let him go. He trotted off for a few steps and then took off.

Little bit of vanity here... I actually like this picture of me! I just felt so happy and peaceful up there at the top of the ridge. My life really has gotten a lot better since we moved there.

The walk down was a lot calmer, and I was able to take the camera for a bit.

Spring in Pope Valley makes the other three seasons worth it!

A close-up of the lupines, which I'm pretty proud of. I think they're related to Texas bluebonnets somewhat.

Sensei, smirking slightly. I think he had just snapped the lead rope at me. I will get him back, someday! Uh, somehow.

Heading down the little ridge trail.

See those dark spots on the right side of the trail? Solomon was here. Very very briefly.

A field, and more hoofprints if you look carefully.

I think he had to have some pretty good acceleration at this point! He's not fast like he used to be, but that horse can still run.

Sensei and I both thought the grain and color of this log at the milling part of the ranch was really cool. Wigglywood!

Oh hey, there he is, by his favorite tree!

"Hi mom!" How could I ever resist this face?

It looks like earlier in the day, or late the day before, Shin the big huge grey ThoroughBred, was turned out. Be impressed by the extensive detective work I did to come to this conclusion!

Bo took time out of his busy day to have a nice chat with me, talking about horsemanship, and how much it means to really live the life. We were talking about how short life is, and how important it is to find your joy and focus on it. You never know how long you have. I didn't know sensei was taking these pictures, but he told me our friendship and the mutual respect we have for each other makes him smile, and he wanted to try to snap a few shots that showed that.

In a way, I really have two senseis.

Bo had a project he was working on today, and there wasn't really a good time for me to ride, so sensei decided we'd have a lesson. We focused mostly on falling. Learning to fall well is something that both Bo and sensei have told me is a good skill to have, especially if I am going to be balancing myself on the back of a large, fast-moving prey animal.

I learned a number of things that lesson.

I learned that Bo had been teaching me a few things that come directly from martial arts, in horsemanship. Redirecting energy, how to be the center of a circle, how to move others around your center, how to turn an aggressive move into a neutral one... all of these things are used in aikido. They are also used in kyokushin, though kyokushin is a much more direct martial combat kind of discipline. Sensei's core discipline is kyokushin, but he has learned some of a number of other disciplines, including aikido. I discovered that, if he wanted to, sensei could just send me out and away from him no matter how many times I rushed him, or how intimidating I tried to make myself be. I really suspect that I might have a lot more in common with Remmy than I want to admit, hah! And I think that learning more about this redirection is a good way to learn how to deal with a horse like him.

If you mirror aggressiveness with aggressiveness, you might win... but you might not. With a horse who is very playful or likes to use intimidation, reacting violently might be exactly what he's looking for. And if you do that, he's controlling the situation. If you can, instead of mirroring him, get him to mirror you by moving the energy of his onslaught aside, then you might just have a much better chance of deescalating the situation. You have a chance of turning a conflict into mutual understanding.

For me, with sensei, the mutual understanding eventually ended up with me facedown on the ground in an arm lock, but I earned that! Hah.

I learned that horses really can remain pretty calm when they know the focus of an aggressive move is not directed at them. It's interesting... run in a field, and you might set them all off, getting them running with you... and the horses in the next field over might start running around too. But here we were, spinning around each other, with me hurling myself (or being hurled) at the ground, and occasionally yelling, but what was the herd doing? They were all standing at the fence by us, one back leg cocked, dozing off in the sun. All except for Cali, that is, who was completely sprawled out on the ground, passed out asleep.

Somehow they knew that what we were doing wasn't anything upsetting. It wasn't anything for them to be concerned about at all. It was mild entertainment.

There was one point where sensei used a pressure point on my jaw that hurt like the dickens. I spun around and charged at him, and at that point Solomon, who had been grazing nearby, came over and snuffled us both, as if to say "hey... things aren't getting out of hand here, are they?" Of course, neither one of us could resist Solly's sweet face, and the lesson was paused so we could give him head-skritchies and wither-rubs.

I learned that focus is a hard thing to maintain. At one point sensei was having me punch his palms, and Bo came out of the house. I immediately started tracking Bo, watching what he was doing. Sensei watched me do this, and let me see, wiht a look in his eyes, that I should think about that. Then I realized that I wasn't giving proper attention to my lesson, or showing my sensei proper respect. I realized that I needed to keep my focus on him. And I thought, we humans aren't often able to keep 100% focus on only one thing, when other things are going on around us. Perhaps we should have a little more empathy for horses when they lose focus. Sensei could have smacked me upside the head to get me to focus on him again, but instead he let me figure out that I should be listening to him. A horse might need a little more guidance than that, but him using a softer approach to redirect my energy back TO him was food for thought. Do I need to really pull hard on a leadrope or "bump" a horse with the reins to get him to focus back on me? Or is there a better way?

A softer way? Will the horse then appreciate me being understanding more, and be more willing to do as I ask, just as I am with sensei? He gave me a little ground, gave me a chance to learn for myself, and to choose to listen to him. And in return, I gave him a lot of focus. If he had smacked me upside the head, I would have been giving him focus too... but I might have felt resentful. I might have had the urge to resist his lesson more. I might have felt defensive. I might have ended up thinking about how I could get away. I might in a way lose focus on the lesson, instead focusing on whether or not he might smack me again.

Instead, he made the conflict never happen, and brought us to an understanding.

There is a game we play. Kids play it. He holds his palms up, and I put my palms on them. He then tries to slap the tops of my hands. He purposefully twitches or makes an eye movement to give me a cue and trick me into thinking he's going to slap my hands. But if I just try to focus on that, I lose every time. If I try to look beyond that, to his focus, to his intent, then I can ALMOST get my hands away in time. He's pretty fast, but a funny thing happened the other day... when I closed my eyes and made myself go still and quiet, I actually did a lot better at the game. I weeded out all the extra cues, and just tried to FEEL his intent. In a way, it is teaching me to be more sensitive. A little more like a horse. They are so keyed up to subtle cues that they can read intent from us that we do not even know we are projecting.

I do have to say, though, that sensei can't quite move his hands away from me when I'm doing the slapping, either. I think I have my horsemanship training to thank for THAT, too!

I learned that appearances can be deceiving.

The ground we chose to do our lesson on was covered in lush, soft, green spring grass. A great place to learn falls, right?

Oh but the ground underneath was full of gravel. Ow ow ow ow ow!

And lastly, once again, I learned that what Bo told me when I first came to the ranch was true. Humans are very good at limiting themselves. I can't grow stronger. I can't ride that horse up that hill. I can't get him to listen to me. I can't find a way out of this. I can't I can't I can't. We can easily fall into the trap of defining ourselves by what we believe we can't do. Or we can go ahead and give it a try anyway. If it's relatively sane.

A year ago, I couldn't safely do a dive roll. No way, no how. I kind of got that idea stuck in my head, despite my health changing for the better. I told Bo a month or two ago "I can't do a dive-roll like I could when I was a gymnast. I'd just break an arm!" Bo just smiled, shook his head, and said "well Ev, you're young and you'd be amazed at the things you can do, or will be able to do again someday."

So there I was, kneeling and listening to sensei describe a forward fall. "you roll on your forearm, and transfer the energy of the fall from your forearm to your shoulder and keep rolling on your back, then you can just get right back on your feet from there," he said. "Now stand up and we'll try it."

I stood up, and I found that there was a block there. I was scared. I was sure I was going to break that arm. Sensei said "no, it's okay, really, look," and he did it himself. He then stood next to me and waited patiently.

"I don't know," I replied, still unable to move, "I really don't know if I can do that."

"You can."

He was calm and he was confident. He didn't get frustrated with my fear, and he didn't give in to it. He just gave me enough room to figure it out, but also enough guidance and confidence to feel like maybe it was okay after all. I remembered what Bo had told me, and I decided you know what? I'm going to try.

So I did. I dove at that hard rocky ground, my forearm out, and I rolled over my shoulder and my back, then popped right back up on my feet.

I got so happy and excited, and I turned around and said "I did it! I really did it! I dind't think I could, but I did!"

And sensei smiled and told me I did well. He told me he was proud of me. I remembered then that Bo does the same thing with horses. He calmly guides them through, and if they are afraid, he lets them know that he believes it will be okay, until they believe him enough to at least give it a try. Then, when they try and look to him, he lets them know that they were good and they did well. Success, success, success.

Walking back across the big field, I saw Bo come out of the house. I called out, "Hey Bo, look what I can do!" and then I dove and rolled, popping back up on my feet...

Needles!

2010-04-06T21:04:00.000-07:00

The most recent time I went up to the ranch, I met up with D____, and we went down to the local vet clinic to buy some 4-way and West Nile intra-muscular shots.

I was telling D___ how I swabbed my horse with rubbing alcohol before and after the shot, and the vet came up and said "Ya don't need to do that. There's no way you'll get the site really clean anyway. Just be sure to go straight in, and pull back on the plunger to make sure you haven't hit an artery. It'll be fine. I've only ever seen a horse get an infection once. She had a pretty big lump blow up on the site, but it went down again and she was fine. So no need to worry so much."

Hey, okay. :)

So I'd just been kind of a paranoid horse mom. It happens when you're a new horse mom, ya know?

Anyway, D____ and I went back to the ranch with our shots. We got our horses, and she turned to me and said "uh actually needles make me really nervous and I've never done this, will you go first?"

Well sure! I'd give Sol Ace once before, when I had him trailered up to the ranch. And when I feel like I need to keep someone else calm, it actually helps me stay calm. So while D___ held a feed pan with some goodies in it up for Solomon, I pinched the skin on his neck near the shoulder where that big triangle of muscle is, and, while talking about every step I was taking, I put the needle in, pulled back to make sure there was no blood, and then gave him his first shot. Solomon was an angel and didn't even twitch. He DID twitch on the second shot, but quickly calmed down and took it.

Then it was D____'s turn. She was a bit nervous and I thought about offering to do it, but I realized that if I had, I would be robbing her of the experience. So I held Magic the Arab's pan, and talked about each step D___ was taking. She did great! She did both shots, and then she let herself breathe. I told her she did really well, and that it was over, and talked her through a couple of deep in through the nose, out through the mouth breaths, just like sensei had taught me. And then I said "and you know what? What you just did was a 100% success. That was all you. You did it yourself! Nobody can take that away from you, and you'll carry that with you for the rest of your life."

Oh hey, I was channeling Bo!

Another new thing, another positive experience at the ranch.

After that, I hung out with KizmetRanch, who had come down to visit for the weekend. We sat on the grass and chatted, and we shared an orange. Solomon got some orange too.

I got distracted with peeling the orange, and Solomon decided to mosey on over to DeDe's truck to try to eat something out of the bed. DeDe took exception to this action, and chased him away. I got scolded for not keeping a better eye on my horse, and then A___ chased Solly around on her horse Nick, as though she were cutting a cow. Poor Solomon could not quite believe what was happening, heh!

After that little adventure, I put him away again. That was not the best day to be a Sol-Sol. He got shots, and he got chased around!

He also got lots of nose-kisses though, so I think he'll survive, somehow. :p

KizmetRanch hadn't had the best day, riding-wise. Bo pulled out Missy, a cute young bay, and rode around on her a bit. She's a forward horse. I suggested maybe bringing out Teddy Bear, so we pulled her out and had DeDe evaluate her- that abscess she had was pretty big, and those can take a while for a horse to recover from. Bo found the site of the abscess when he trimmed her feet. DeDe declared her okay for walk-trot. I'd seen Teddy Bear galloping around a few weeks prior, myself. Remember the pictures?

Anyway, we got KizmetRanch on Tedders, who took her for a nice little ride around the front field with the barrels.

After that was done, Bo let me get up on Teddy Bear, and I rode her out in the field, with her "crutching" on Bo. That is to say, Bo walked in front of us, and she followed him. I focused on radiating calm, moving in synch with Teddy Bear, draping my legs while keeping my toes up, and keeping my hands low and soft and quiet. I think I did pretty well, too! We even did a few walk-trot transitions, and I did not come off, or even feel like I would. Hah, go me! That was the first time I'd ridden since I think January. It really felt great to be back in the saddle, and helped my confidence a lot, too. I admit, I get bored with the round pen. I don't get bored with riding. I just, from time to time, think "walking in a straight line and going somewhere might be nice."

Okay once in a while I think "hey cantering looks really fun!"

But I can wait for that.

At the end of the ride, Bo said "okay Ev, it's time to practice your emergency dismount, so anytime you're ready..."

So while Teddy Bear was walking along, I executed a nice neat stirrup-less dismount from a Western saddle. I stuck the landing, bouncing lightly on my feet. Teddy Bear stopped when I vaulted off of her, because she is a good girl.

It was a great day, full of nice people, nice horses, and success!

Hills and colic.

2010-04-06T20:09:00.000-07:00

The next day I went to the ranch was quite intense.

It was only a couple of days away from my one year anniversary there.

When I first arrived, I was at my wit's end. Guesswork and random advice from random people had gotten me only so far, and I'm pretty amazed, really, that I didn't get myself killed at some point. My health was also very poor. I was wheezing with asthma just walking out to the pasture. I was the heaviest I had been in my life. I told Bo that I wasn't really going to lose weight and that I would never be able to climb a hill again in my life without help. I pointed to the ridge and told him I'd never be able to get to the top of it under my own power.

So that day, to celebrate our year on the ranch, Solomon and I walked to the top of the ridge.

I was really regretting having not brought my camera along. The grass was green, the lupines had burst forth from the soil in great abundance, and Solomon looked so lovely against the backdrop of the hillside.

On the other hand, I was glad I hadn't taken my camera along, as Solomon was feeling pretty, uh, energetic.

Going up the ridge was going someplace new. This was exciting. It was not as upsetting as being lead down the road, which he would always plant his feet on, refusing to move every 3 feet or so. It was fun and interesting enough that Solomon was pretty willing to go along. But it was also clear that I hadn't asked him to do anything new and different for a while, and that while he had become really soft with me, he was used to having things done a certain way. There was a heck of a lot of jigging on his part going up that hill. Let me tell you, it's a little exciting to have a horse jigging around you when you're leading him up a steep hill. Circling is a bit scary, because you know if he slips and falls on you, it's going to be really bad news. Thankfully, Solomon was careful around me and did not knock into me at all. Also thankfully, Solomon spent half a year or so at Hossmoor, in a 90 acre pasture full of hills as steep as this one, so he's pretty sure-footed.

I was glad his rear hooves were barefoot though. Shoes are kind of slippery, I think.

Anyway, I would have probably been a lot safer had I been riding him, but that's not an option with Solomon, and I figured I could handle him, which I did. We went all the way up to the top of the ridge where the water tanks are. I was amazed at the gorgeous view, and very happy that we had made it up there. I was so proud! Solomon was really interested in everything, wanting to explore the whole top of the hill, gazing out at the view from all sides.

After we hung out there for a bit, I looked back down that steep, steep hill, and I did a bit of risk assessment. "Well shoot Solly," I said to my horse, who was busy munching on fresh spring greens, "how am I going to get us both down this hill again?"

I decided an executive decision was in order. Solomon had spent months on steep hills. Solomon is fairly predictable. He knows how to keep his balance well on steep surfaces. I knew exactly where he'd go. So I unhooked him.

Horses are very good at memorizing landmarks, and it wasn't a long walk. One could see the familiar parts of the ranch from the top of the hill, and the trail back down was very clear.

Solomon stood by my side, eating and keeping an eye on me. The moment I started to walk down the path, though, he just couldn't contain himself any longer.

He eased past me, and once he was clear of me, he took off at a run. There I stood, jaw gaping, watching my broken down old horse with a ton of nasty scars and a big bump on his back go flying down a steep hillside like he'd sprouted wings. Solomon tends to canter kind of slowly with the herd these days, and I don't think I'd seen him gallop like that since Hossmoor. His floor-length tail flagged behind him as he soared, hooves seeming to only occasionally kiss the ground. His tall white form streaked between the trees until he was just about out of sight.

I wished I could have joined him running down that hill, but I wasn't too keen on a broken hip and a couple of snapped ankles.

Sure enough, when I got down the hill he was grazing under his favorite tree. He gave me this look as if to say "mom, why didn't you run down with me???" I really think he expected me to somehow charge down right along with him. He ducked his head and snorfled me.

Something interesting was happening nearby though, and I went and watched as DeDe administered spring vaccinations to a number of horses. Some got pretty jiggy and upset about getting their shots, and some took them in stride. Each horse got two shots- I think a 4-way and a West Nile.

After Sol got to graze a bit more, and after he got his feed pan and grooming, I put him away in his pasture and went on a little adventure with Bo and D___, who boards Magic the Arab and who helps out at the ranch. She was taking Magic to a vet to get her shots. I hopped in the back of the truck and we headed off to town.

The first thing I noticed upon entering the truck was the squirrel head on a plaque. It was peering up at me from the pouch on the back of the passenger side seat.

"Uh hey Bo, I see you have a mounted squirrel head back here."

"Oh yeah, a friend of mine decided I needed that for my home, what with me being a mighty hunter and all," Bo replied, "plus that way people in the back seat don't feel so lonely."

Never a dull moment, I tell you.

So Magic loaded fine, and we drove to town with her to this vet's establishment. I'm not going to say where it was or what the business was called, but we ended up not being too pleased.

Magic was calm as could be. She's a sweet old mare, and she approached the adventure like the average person would approach a visit to Wal-Mart, or maybe a brunch at Denny's. She was nice and chill. Which was a good thing, since the place, as it turned out, wanted to charge over a hundred bucks for two shots, and then had us standing in this gravel parking lot for 45 minutes after our appointment was supposed to be. With a horse.

There were two parrots out front. I went over to say hi, and they both started dancing for me, bobbing their heads and hanging upside down. One parrot started saying "meow! meow meow meow!" He sounded just like a cat. This got me laughing, and then the other parrot, who was right behind me, started laughing... exactly like me. I mean he got my laugh down perfectly. This set me off even more. So then there was a parrot meowing at me, and a parrot laughing at me with my own voice, and I was sitting on the ground just losing it... then I looked over at Bo, who thought that my being made to laugh so easily by those parrots was hilarious, and that set me off all over again. I ended up having to walk away from the birds, 'cos otherwise I think I would have just stopped breathing.

I sat down on a rock, and a cat came over and started loving all over me. Bo was rolling his eyes a little and chuckling to himself at this point. Heh. I've always been a big animal person. Even when I was a baby I had random animals climbing all over me. Cats. Rabbits. Owls. Deer. Whatever. My man calls me "the druid." I don't know, it's just a thing I guess?

Magic, for her part, took everything in stride. Parrots, random people, cars, motorcycles, cats, a dog, everything. She just picked acorns out of the gravel and munched on them.

So after 45 minutes, we just loaded Magic back up and went home. D____ and I decided to go to the vet clinic the next weekend and buy the shots, to administer ourselves. They were intra-muscular, which I'd done once before with Solomon when I aced him for the trailer ride up to the ranch.

When we pulled the trailer up, however, there was a scary surprise waiting for us.

DeDe, who is a great horsewoman and very observant, was walking Vinnie. "Vinnie's not feeling well," she said.

Turns out she found him down and groaning.

Sometimes a horse will just have a bad reaction to being vaccinated. Horses have delicate systems, and some horses are more delicate than others. Sometimes a batch might be a tiny bit off. In this case, a few of the 17 horses who got shots were lethargic, but Vinnie ended up with colic.

Colic is a scary scary thing, and bad news for a horse. It is, in horses, intestinal distress with blockage. There are many causes of colic, and many kinds of colic. There's sand-colic, which is why it's good to feed any horse that is on dirt or sand some sand-clear (psyllium) one every couple months, there's spasming, parasite overload, other solid obstructions, and one of the more common forms of colic, which is gas-colic. It is painful, it causes a lot of cramping, and it is the leading cause of premature death in horses.

There are a couple of schools of thought on colic. Some folks say it's best to leave it alone. Others say walking it out is the best thing to do. Most people, I think, subscribe to the latter idea. There is also banamine, which is a drug that helps treat colic. DeDe gave Vinnie some banamine, and then asked me if I would be willing to walk him out. I knew someone would do it if I didn't, but I also knew it was a big responsibility, and I was honored that in a way she put Vinnie's life in my hands. And I wanted to help him. I wanted to be useful.

So we started walking. He pooped a tiny bit. But then when we went a bit further, he went down. He fell on his knees and sort of face-planted. I'd never had a horse do that before while I was leading him. He was groaning. It was scary. If they are colicking and they roll, they can twist up their gut, which can kill them. I knew I had to get him back up. I pulled and pleaded and he wouldn't stand. I got behind his back and started spinning the rope, yelling at him to get up. If he still hadn't, I was ready to do whatever it took to get him up. It was just too risky to let him stay down. When I spun the rope and yelled, though, he got up, thank the gods.

I don't know how long we walked. I know my sunblock sweated off and I got sunburn. My ankle started acting up a bit. It had been a while since my tendinosis flared up. I asked D___ to walk him a bit, because I had to run to the loo at one point. When I came back he was down again, but she got him up as I was crossing the field, thankfully.

Then I took him back and walked more, and more, and more. He pooped a little bit four more times. He kept wanting to go down, and I kept moving him. I told him "come on boy, please keep going, you have to keep going." He couldn't understand the words but I think he understood, and he kept trying, even though he was hurting so bad.

Vinnie is the kind of horse who goes through life with his head and tail held high. He runs and bucks when you fill his water trough. That day, his nose was just about dragging on the ground, he was bracing, and groaning. There aren't a lot of things more haunting to me than the sound of a horse groaning in pain. They are such stoic, quiet creatures most of the time. Sometimes they snort, or whinny, or nicker. But that pain-wracked groan, it's a terrible sound.

He kept following me though, putting one white-socked foot in front of the other. They are so strong, horses are. They are masters at enduring.

We had gone around behind the house, mostly because I was sick of going around the track in the field with the barrels, when he let loose a whole bunch of gas. I had never been so happy to hear an epic, thunderous fart before in my life.

We made our way to the big tree by the big pasture that Solomon loves so much, and Bo was there. When we reached him, Vinnie dropped his head to graze. Vinnie had tried to graze a number of times before when I was walking him, but the grass just fell out of his mouth. This time, however, he was relaxed, and eating normally. I was so exhausted. Keeping a careful eye on my charge to make sure he wasn't going down again, I stopped and talked to Bo.

"Hey, he's eating! That's good, that green grass'll blow through him, clear him out," Bo said.

And after that, Vinnie was just fine.

It was scary, but I was glad to be able to help out. Most of all though, I was just glad he was okay.

So much to catch up on!

2010-04-06T17:41:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone,
I'm really sorry I've fallen so far behind! A lot of stuff has happened and I've just not been keeping up. I will try to not let it happen again!

Bo has told me that it is time to take things to the next level. I am going to be working with a wider variety of horses. Solomon still gets his care and loves, of course, but then Bo is going to be sending me off to work with other horses. Grooming, tying, trailer loading, roundpenning, walking, and whatever else he comes up with... or I come up with, within reason. He might tell me "go work with that horse for a bit," and that's what I'll do.

On that first day, I got a ride from my sensei, who is teaching me a form of karate called "Kyokushin." Meanwhile, Bo is giving me a few tips here and there about Aikido. There's a lot of contrast between the two disciplines, but of course there is some overlapping stuff as well, and I'm enjoying the learning process.

It helps me, I think, with my horsemanship.

Learning calm. Learning discipline. Learning more about how to redirect energy. Moving in circles. Sensing what is going on around me. Sensing what those around me are going to do before they do it. Learning, in a way, to be a little less blind. To read things, maybe not as well as a horse, but better than I did before.

Learning that while it is good to be prepared for conflict, the best way to win is to stop the conflict from happening altogether.

On that first day, I worked with Solly a little bit.

After sensei and I groomed him up (Solomon loves my sensei, just adores him.) I let him graze. Lil was loose, and I kept an eye on her, remembering that there was a time when she would sometimes not get on well with other horses. She'd spent a lot of her life in a stall with solitary turn-out, I believe, so she was not so socialized at first. But my gut told me it was okay to let her approach, if I was watchful. Solomon was grazing, and Lil walked up and pressed her nostril to his. They stood like this for a moment, heads down at ground-level, and then both went back to grazing.

She wandered for a bit, and I sat down next to Sol. Lil came back, and I have to tell you, it was a little intense having two horses standing over me like that, especially when I wasn't 100% sure of the situation. I got on my knees so I'd be ready to move fast... though horses can move so much faster than we can. There's a lot of risk assessment you have to do with horses, and there's a lot of feel you have to learn, too.

Solomon and Lil ended up grazing side by side, as if they'd been a pair for years. I was pretty impressed. They clearly enjoyed each other's company, and were quite comfortable. I found out that the day before, Lil had been out with Shin, who is the other grey on the ranch. Some horses can and will get ideas about other horses based on their color. I've seen horses that hate greys, horses that are terrified of them, and horses that are absolutely in love with them.

After a while I put Solomon back.

Then Bo had me walk Breezey back to her pasture. She is the alpha mare of the herd, and she is very good at her job. She is the leader simply by being one. She keeps the horses in line, for hte most part, with a look or a gesture. With the way she turns her body. Sometimes she needs to get a little more insistent, but not often.

Every horse has their own personality. And every relationship has it's own dynamic. The way Breezy interacts with Cali is going to be different from the way she interacts with Magic. Their places on the hierarchy are different, their personalities are different, and how well they get along is also going to be different.

Something we forget, I think, is that not only is each horse different, but the way each horse interacts with each person is also going to be different. They will like some people better than others. They will feel more comfortable with some people than others. They will be more inclined to get along with some people than others.

A mistake we can easily make, as horsepeople, is becoming complacent. Getting so used to the one relationship we have with one horse that we cannot handle other horses. Imagine only ever really talking to one person. You have your in-jokes, you are comfortable with each other's quirks and idiosyncrasies. You can communicate, in time, without even really having to use words. Perhaps, if you get on well, you can even begin to move as one, each person anticipating the actions of the others.

Then imagine getting thrown in a room with an entirely new, completely different person. If you haven't been interacting with anyone but that one person, things are going to get really uncomfortable and awkward for you really fast! And if the other person hasn't interacted with anyone but their own one person, it'll be the same for them.

So I had to keep all of this in mind when I picked up Breezey's lead rope. It wasn't quite so hard for me because she does know me- I always make it a point to be polite and greet her when I enter her pasture and walk through her herd. I feel that you can reach the best understanding with another being if you are willing to meet them halfway at least, and understand that they have their own priorities and their own protocols. When you enter into their home, you are a guest, after all. You mgiht be thinking "but it's just a horse, they should just do what we say!"

Well, you can approach life that way, but I think there are happier, more comfortable ways of getting along... and if you are willing to give a little, you'll be surprised at how much more you get.

So Breezey knows me a bit. I haven't handled her much... the last time I tried, I was holding her for the farrier, and that didn't go entirely well. I couldn't get her to hold still. But I didn't know her quite as well, so she wasn't as sure that I was someone to trust or respect. She's used to being in charge and doing her job, after all.

I think that she's the kind of horse you do well by talking to. They say "discuss with a mare." Well it certainly makes things run more smoothly to discuss with Breeze, and let her understand that the two of you have something of a mutual goal. She gets all worked up when she's separated from her herd. Things can change quickly when the alpha mare is removed, and she is used to guiding and protecting the horses in her pasture. They like her, as a leader, too.

I remember how Kizim was, as a leader... always pushing and chasing and kicking. The whole herd got amped up, and she got very upset when she was removed from them, but they seemed relieved, overall. In contrast, when I began to walk Breezey back towards her herd, they all lined up at the gate, ears perked towards their grand old lady, and several of them called to her. At the start of our little walk, I had to circle her a couple of times, because she was pretty wound up. Once I made it clear that I was taking her home, however, she settled in nicely, and was no trouble at all.

It's easier to put an alpha mare back in a pasture. Even if the other horses are crowding the gate a bit, they will move out of her way. A horse that is more of an outsider is a much bigger challenge to move through a herd. You can step on all kinds of toes doing that. Well, I guess you can step on all kinds of hooves! We'll get back to that in a bit.

I also had to put Lil back. She is staying at the ranch for a little while before she moves to her new home with her momma, BlueSky.

Lil is a great mare. She's a lovely girl, and full of life. She gets to run around outside of her pen a fair amount up at the ranch, and this does wonders for her physical and mental health. I handled her once before, taking her on a walk., but that was quite a long time ago. I think it was last summer. That was when I learned that Lil is a very sensitive girl, who really hates flies in her eyes. I don't blame her. I put a fly mask on her when I took her for that walk, because it made her a lot more comfortable.

That day I had the simple task of interacting with her a bit and putting her back in her pen. She remembered me, as I tend to say hello to all the horses at the ranch at least once in a while, and was calm and happy when I approached. I let her close the last couple feet of distance, and after she sniffed me a bit, she allowed me to touch her. Then I turned around to go get her halter. Sensei was with me, but I made sure he stayed well back. When he and I walked away to get the halter, Lil got excited, whinnied, and went running past us!

She ended up running up to another boarder who was washing her horse. This boarder was a little nervous about Lil, but Lil was a good girl and stayed well back. She just wanted to graze, say hi, and enjoy life, really!

Next, Lil trotted over to a loose hay flake. I asked sensei to stand about 10 or 15 feet away on one side, providing just a tiny bit of pressure with his physical presence so that Lil would be less likely to go haring off in that direction. She wasn't really trying to get away from me, though. She was just excited. I had no problem getting the halter on her and leading her back to her pen at that point.

Next, Bo had me go get Teddy Bear. Tedders had been placed in the main herd. For a time, Bo had been switching out horses in Teddy Bear's pasture. She'd gotten pretty herdbound with Lilah. They love each other and are happy together, but since Lilah is now learning to be something other than a broodmare, it's useful for them to both get used to other horses as well. Bo put Jewel in with Lilah, so the two paints were in together. Funny thing is, I can tell all the bays on the ranch apart after a moment or two, but I had been crutching on picking out the paints by what pasture they were in, and I actually had a bit of a hard time telling which was which when they were in together!

Anyway, Teddy Bear has been doing better overall with other horses. Poco Joe was even in with the mare herd, and she wasn't attacking him- amazing, since for a while she just hated geldings. It takes a while for a horse to integrate into a herd, however, and even though Teddy Bear has shared a couple of fencelines with the main herd for years, she was an outsider when she went into the main herd pasture.

This created a bit of a challenge for me, because the entire herd was between us and the gate. Some of moving a horse out of a herd environment and through a gate is timing. Actually, a lot of it is timing. The best way to win a conflict is to avoid it, like I said earlier, so the best way to move a horse out of a pasture and past a herd is to move the horse when the herd is someplace else.

That's not always practical though, so then you have to look at the entire herd, and figure out how you can get yourself and your horse through safely. Once you hook a horse up, the horse is depending on you to lead her, and part of that leadership is keeping her safe. The other horses are aware that the power of the horse you are leading has been compromised, and some of them will use this as an opportunity to establish themselves, sometimes quite nastily. If you take an outside horse and move them into the space of an established horse, they might see it as a violation of their spot in the hierarchy, or at least as being quite rude. It might be seen as overstepping a line, and the horse may feel the need to remind the horse you are leading just where their place is... or is not, in the case of a newcomer.

So what I did was take a good look at the herd. I marked where the leaders were, and where the lower on the totem pole horses were.

It's a mistake to assume that you will always be safest by leading your horse towards the lowest horse on the totem pole, and believe that said horse will move out of the way safely. If there are higher up horses nearby, that horse might feel unsafe moving towards them, as it could be seen as a challenge. A low-in-the-hierarchy horse might be like Solomon sometimes is- quick to pin ears and squeal and even kick out, trying to keep what safety they have.

So if the lower in line horse has a lot of space to move out without stepping on any toes, it might make sense to move them. If they don't, however, a good solution may be to move the leaders. If you can move them, the entire herd will follow their lead.

Teddy Bear was pretty unsure about getting close to the herd, and I had to coax her a bit and convince her that I was going to take care of things. That meant keeping myself calm, and keeping my energy pretty low. At the same time, however, I had to convince the herd that they should move out of my way. When you are leading an uneasy horse, and you start making noise or spinning a rope, you run the risk of moving your own horse away from you instead of the others. Keeping things relatively calm, keeping myself pointed entirely away from Teddy Bear, and projecting my intent, for lack of a better way of putting it, fully towards the other horses, helped keep her calm. I slowly moved forward, confidently, and spin the rope, softly telling them to get going, and move away from the gate. I was dealing with the entire herd as an entity, in a way, but I focused on Jewel and Breezey. They were nice enough to listen and move, and once they started moving, the rest of the herd was much more comfortable moving for me as well.

It was a relief, I tell you what.

Next I walked Teddy Bear over to the trailer. She isn't really the type to just hop into a trailer every time. It's a bit of a weak spot for her. I decided to see if I could load her. What I kept in mind, however, was that I might not be able to get her all the way in. What mattered to me most was that she would at least meet me part of the way, and give me some try.

She froze up a good 10 feet away from the trailer. I said to her, "okay, but won't you give me one step closer? That's okay isn't it, just one step? Come on girl, you can do that for me." And I slowly coaxed her closer and closer. I managed to get her, in time, to stand right at the base of the ramp. She got a cookie for that. It was challenging for her, and I am not her normal person- that's Bo. But she did meet me halfway.

Next, after I brushed her, sensei combed her mane, and I picked her feet (she really is great about that with me now, still picking up each foot in anticipation,) Bo came over and trimmed her hooves. I explained to sensei about how feet grow, why they need to be at a certain angle so all the bones are lined up right and the joints don't have undue stress, the mechanics of a horse's legs, which are a complicated series of tendons and ligaments with pretty much no muscle on the lower legs, and how it was important to make sure dirt and crud can easily come loose again, to avoid thrush and other infections.

Bo explained more about avoiding conflicts and working around them. He explained that every hoof is a whole different deal, and there are hundreds of factors that we may not be aware of at all. Perhaps she is fine picking up her right front hoof and putting it on the trimming stand, but then that hoof may have a tiny stone bruise, so it's uncomfortable putting more weight on it while she puts her left front hoof on the stand. It could be anything, and the best way to deal with fidgeting and little misunderstandings is to just calmly work through it, be attentive of her needs and sensitive to her moods, and clearly communicate what you want her to do, and that she should do it. Sometimes it really pays to move on and go back to something that has reached a hitch. That can make all the difference in the world. Give them some time to process and think about something else, and maybe when you go back to the other thing, it won't feel so challenging for them.

So then Bo decided we'd work on loading Teddy Bear together. He said "maybe I'll do better than you, maybe I won't get as far as you did. We'll find out."

He had me stand behind her a good 15 feet or so out. I mentioned to sensei that my presence there was a form of light pressure on the horse. Bo had me slowly raise my arms and gently wave them a bit, making a light kissing noise. None of this was violent or scary. It was pressure, but a gentle one, a re-enforcing of the cue. Bo get her up on the ramp. Maybe he got her in, I don't recall.

But then he had me lead Teddy Bear. He picked up a whip and put a little plastic bag on it. I think he said "this is an old trick that some natural horsemanship people just love to do." He just made a bit of noise with it, and Teddy Bear loaded right on in the trailer with me. I petted her and let her know that she did well, then I backed her out. Next, we did it again, but with less pressure from Bo. Soon Teddy Bear was loading in and backing out without needing much more than Bo being back there behind her. Still a bit of pressure, but much, much softer. She just needed a stronger cue to tell her what was wanted, and then she just needed to figure out that everything was okay, that she was doing the right thing, and that it was safe to do so. Once that had been established, we were able to cut the cue in half, and cut it in half again.

That is one of the goals here at the ranch. Go softly. Form a partnership based on understanding and mutual goals, rather than control and coercion. AS much as possible.

Sometimes things take a little longer. But when they take, they take, and everyone is calm and happy. The horses can not only trust us, but we can trust them. After all, if we cannot trust them, how can we expect them to trust us?

I might wear a helmet if...

2010-03-25T13:56:00.000-07:00

I might wear a helmet to ride in if I had one of these to stick on top of it:

http://store.valvesoftware.com/productshowcase/productshowcase_HL2HeadCrabHat!.html

Spring Spring Spring!

2010-03-16T17:50:00.000-07:00

The air smells like flowers and sweet young grass.

DeDe's garden is already gorgeous.

As you can see, the horses all got rearranged while I was gone. Jewel and Lilah are in together.

Teddy Bear is in the main herd. Poco Joe is in there too, but she doesn't seem to want to kill him. Yay!

Remmy is still himself.

Solomon is in with Dewley (or however it is spelled) and the Little Bay Gelding. He had a lot to say to me when I came up the walk. He was happy to get out to graze.

Shin is still amazed by everything in the universe.

Getting Solomon into the roundpen was easy enough. This seems more amazing if you don't note the edge of a feed pan in a couple frames, haha!

Many shots of Sol in the roundpen.

Followed by cool down- me walking around with him following me.

He got all sweaty!

These days I can grab his ear (gently) and he doesn't even care.

I peeked into the big pasture through the fence, and discovered that it was nap-n-roll time for Poco Joe and Magic!

Poco Joe:

Magic:

While Solomon grazes, hope springs eternal for the other horses. Maybe they'll get to come out? Sorry, not today.

Well, Bo and DeDe were not home, so there wasn't much to do beyond filling a couple troughs. Some of them I wasn't sure about whether or not they were being allowed to get drunk down so they could get cleaned out.

Before I left, however, I changed into an outfit for a dinner party. This is actually how I dress a lot of the time. I think it works for me a lot better than jeans and a frumpy stained t-shirt. Bo missed out on getting to raise his eyebrows and roll his eyes though, hah! I set up the self timer.

Oh hi, waist. Nice to see you again!

Why hello there!

2010-03-10T21:05:00.000-08:00

Oh, why hello there everyone!

Yesterday I took my medications, and was feeling pretty dizzy in the morning. I got a ride from my sensei, M___. Oh yeah, I'm starting to learn martial arts. I figure it'll give me some discipline, and a way to channel some of my aggression. Now that I'm getting healthier and stronger, I have a lot more energy than I'm used to. I figured it would be good to learn a discipline that involves controlling one's body and one's energy, as well as learning more about redirecting energy. Plus, M___ is a friend and he's going to teach me for free. Isn't that sweet? Well he has well over 20 years of training and he was an instructor for 7 or 8 years, but is feeling a little out of practice and out of shape himself. I think it'll be good for both of us to do this.

So anyway, he gave me a ride to the ranch, and was kind enough to take pictures. Usually if it's a photo day, I'm lugging the camera around, which can be a bit distracting. This way, I was able to focus a lot more on the horses.

I made the mistake of wearing a white t-shirt, which I immediately splattered hot chili oil all over on the car ride up. So now it's an orange and white t-shirt. If you wonder why I wear all black all the time, that's why. I'm really really good at staining clothing, hah!

Anyway, we didn't get there until about 3:30 or so I think. It would soon be time to feed, so I didn't get to do a whole lot, but I got to see and take care of my boy.

I don't know what I was doing here. It looks like I was meditating, hah!

Magic, Cali's momma, has decided she's taken a shine to me a bit. She always comes over to say hi, along with her baby, Cali. Cali is weaned but she still hangs out with mom a bit. Magic's a great reining horse. Her rollbacks are pretty awesome! She can spin, too. Solly's doing his "have an ear on everything" thing.

Solomon really likes M___. He also really likes being the center of attention. Clearly, here, he feels that he should be the subject of the photograph, not those stinky sorrel horses or boring old mom.

Magic had to decide whether or not my head was tasty. Also, MAN, look how huge Cali is getting already! She isn't even a year old yet, and she's almost as tall as mom. Well, I think maybe her butt already is as high as mom's!

Baby smile! :D

The whole herd decided to come investigate then, so I let Solomon out before it would become too much of a challenge. He let me halter him no problem, but then he got kind of upset about not being allowed to eat grass for a couple hours. This was NOT part of the routine! It was really close to feeding time though, so I dragged him to a pen. This right here? This is the remnants of what was a big behavior problem. Back at Hossmoor it sometimes took me a half hour or more to get him from his pasture to the cross-ties. Now he just braces his feet and his head and refuses to move for a few seconds to lodge a complaint. No more running ahead, no more yanking hard on the rope, no rearing, no screaming, no shoving me and no big fight.

At first I would turn him in circles and stuff to try to get him moving. Sometimes going in a different direction will get him going, sometimes not. But nowadays with him I usually just lean and after a moment or two he kind of goes "oh, okaaaaay" and follows along softly with no more issues.

And you know how this was fixed? Not by smacking him, not by whipping him, not by using a stud chain (I have no idea where that is any more... haven't used once since we moved to D&D Ranch a year ago) and not by trying to cow him. This was fixed with time and patience and compassion. This was fixed by consistent calmness and loosening the lead instead of trying to be tighter and tighter with my control. Solomon is a horse you can't beat and expect to get good results out of. He's not a horse you should ever fight with. It doesn't work, it doesn't help him, and he doesn't need it. He just needs to feel secure, to feel understood, and to feel like he matters. Being a little considerate of him makes him much more considerate of me.

See, the best way to lead and teach is by example. If you're violent, you will probably get violence back. If you are calm and careful and show a little trust, you will probably in time get that back.

Well, it worked for us!

And really, REALLY, I can live with a few seconds of being stubborn. He's just giving his opinion.

Once we put Solomon in jail... I mean put him in a mare motel... though if you were to ask him, he'd call it jail, heh... I picked his feet, M___ curried him, and I brushed him. Solomon soaked it up happily. He cuddled with M___ a bit, too, which was sweet.

I remembered then that I'd bought an apple to give to Solomon over at Trader Joe's. His favorites are Fiji and Gala apples. And I did something... okay I was showing off. And I am sure if a picture had been taken of it, I would have ended up on the front page of Fugly Horse of the Day with "Darwin award contestant" as the title. But I was reasonably sure I'd be fine.

See, Solomon loves it when you hold the apple for him, and he takes tiny delicate little nibbles out of it. So I held the edge of this big apple in my teeth. Hey, I drew my lips back and all that, hah. Of course Solomon took a really careful nibble out of it. M__ said "uh... whoa. You really trust that horse."

Well, yeah. I mean it was a case of risk assessment, and yeah it was not really a necessary risk, but I was pretty confident about it. I dunno, jumping is pretty dangerous and scary too!

After the first bite I held it in my hand, and then let M___ feed him a bit. Finally I gave him the last pieces. He got my hand in his mouth, but was very very careful and did not bite down... just took the last bits with his tongue and sucked on my fingers with his lips, hah. I'm glad he's such a careful, gentle horse. I sure wouldn't feed an apple to any other horse this way!

Then I decided to be a little silly and climb up on the panel to pretend to try to mount Solly. Tempting as it is, I wouldn't do it. I could probably have hopped on if I was quick, but what would that have proved? It would have just upset him, and probably not felt very good. Always fun to see what he looks like from above though. His weight really has improved, but he's so out of shape. I can't wait to be able to come up a lot more. I'll be able to work him in the roundpen and start riding again!

One thing I can say about Hossmoor... for all that he hurt himself a lot out there, Solomon did get a great workout running up and down those huge steep hills. It helped his topline to go up and down them.

Anyway, here I am going "IIIIII'm gonna hop on you!" Solomon says "nooo mom nooooo" He slowly inched forward until he was a bit too far away for me to easily get on. You can see him listening to me and bracing himself here.

Solomon, covering all his auditory bases!

Oh yeah, his belly is way less tucked up. He really did get way too skinny in January. I think it was the cold... 20 degrees is a bit too chilly for him, even with a yak coat. I'll have to get him a blanket next year.

It was so nice to see my boy though.

MWAH! He'll stand still like this forever getting nose-kisses.

Okay, you know what? It's really weird seeing myself in every single picture. I am NOT used to that. I don't think I photograph well a lot of the time. We're our own worst critics, of course. But I guess sometimes it's interesting to see yourself, eh? I think I like just taking pictures of horses better than being in pictures though.

I thought about leaving Solomon in, but I decided that he would be a lot happier spending the night out with the herd after all. He just starts weaving so quickly in a stall.

M___ and I headed out towards the pen Solomon was in. Of course I had to run over and bodyslam M___. Hey, he told me part of the training he underwent involved random attacks. We chased each other around a bit, which fascinated Solly.

Well one of the signs of a mentally healthy horse, adult or no, is their willingness to play. I think it's the same with humans.

Sol and I trotted to the pasture. He is getting good about that. I just start running and he goes right along!

M___ and I ran all the way to the car. And you know what's amazing? It was not only fun, but it didn't hurt, and I wasn't out of breath at all when we got there. I felt like I could have run all across the property! Wheee!

We also got to have a nice long conversation about horsemanship and humanity with Bo and DeDe. Mostly Bo talked, which was fine with me. He is always worth listening to.

I'm hoping to be able to get myself up to the ranch again really soon. I feel so good there, so free. It's a really great environment for horses, and it's a really great environment for me. I feel SAFE there.

I think Solomon really does too.

My first day back alone!

2010-03-08T10:26:00.000-08:00

The other day I skipped my morning medications, and was able to drive myself to the ranch alone!

This beautiful girl who was winging around the pasture represents the feeling pretty well. I think she's a peregrine falcon.

It was a gorgeous spring day, a day of joy for horses.

Even the vultures seemed cheerful.

The first thing I did was muck stalls with Bo. Then I went off to the pasture.

Cali is a very friendly, curious girl. A tiny bit mouthy, really playful, and full of energy. I just adore her. And it was, as always, wonderful to see Solomon.

After this, I started walking to the gate, then took off running. Solomon trotted by my side perfectly in sync with me, as if I were holding a rope and we were doing showmanship. The other horses got really excited by this.

Note Solomon patiently waiting by the gate, watching the shenanigans.

Calibutt!!!

Lena and Teddy Bear got into it too! Lena, pretending to be an Arab:

Teddy Bear Mare!

She's making crazy-eyes!

Spring has truly begun at the ranch!

Solomon did his primary job for a little while.

But then I took his feedpan into the round pen. He followed, trotting over and nickering away. He was happy to go into the working-place when there was clearly food involved. I didn't want to kneel on the sodden, saturated ground to pick his feet, so I decided to just take us into the pen straightaway.

Sol's back is really not looking great these days, but he is still full of try. He was a good boy for me, only NOT slowing down and walking. I will have to work a bit on lowering my energy. What I DID end up doing, and there's a bit of it at the end of this video, is moving mostly to hand and voice cues, dropping the whip on the ground and using my bare hand, body language, and my voice to direct instead.

I did need to pick up the whip to signal a turn to him. We will work on that. He also came in a lot and circled me a lot more tightly... but circle he did, instead of just winging out and spinning to face me. He seemed to feel quite comfortable with it! We'll work on this more... Always I am working on softening my cues. Bo has told me that it's time to take things to a new level. That I am moving beyond obvious, exaggerated cues, and it is time for me to figure out what I can do with less. Not to make kissy noises and wave my hands to top a horse going through a gate, but instead, just hold up my hand and focus. It can work!

When I was just using my hands, after a while, and wanting Sol to ho, I would think "stop" and start to put my palm up in the air, and he would stop before I could even say "ho."

After we finished the roundpenning, I decided I was going to just sit down on the ground in the roundpen with Solly. Some people would say "that is too dangerous!" With some horses that is true. With ANY horse, there is always a risk, of course. But Solomon and I trust each other a lot. When I sat down, he walked right up to me, with his feet almost touching. And he stood there, his neck arcing over my body, his head on the other side of me. He went into protective mode. Cuddling up close for comfort, and keeping an eye on the world around us. Any time anything moved, even a car way out on the road, he raised his head and tracked it.

He did get a little sleepy after a while though.

I wonder how many people spend time looking at their horse from this angle?

Yep, my face was filthy, haha! But I was happy, and so was he.

I love my Solomon. He is the most patient horse ever.

He just stood there, and eventually the had slowly slid down his nose and fell to the ground. He didn't move at all. Just stared at me as if to say "yeah okay mom."

I do wish someone had realized what a special horse he was earlier in life. I wish someone had not let all those bad things happen to him. Maybe he could have been a great rein cow horse. Well he isn't built to be the ultimate champion... but he is such a good boy, I think for the right person he would have really tried his best.

But you know what? He still counts. He still matters. I still love him.

The dance

2010-02-26T11:57:00.000-08:00

On Weds. I finally got up to the ranch again, yahoo!

My friends, K__ and M___, were kind enough to give me a ride again. When we got there I couldn't help but give Bo a hug. I had really missed everyone so much.

Then I got something in my eye (honest) and had to walk it off up to the pasture.

I've been healing really really well, and now mostly it's just the medications that are making me unsteady. By the time we got to the ranch I wasn't having many dizzy spells, and I felt confident about going in to see my boy.

On the way there I noticed a fuzzy little horse lying on the ground. It was Cali! She's almost a year old now. Well, she's roughly 11 months. I approached her very carefully, keeping my energy low and talking to her soothingly. Cali has gotten used to me over the months, and feels just fine with me. She was so comfortable that she did not get up!

I was able to kneel down beside her and give her lots of hugs and loves. There's something so great about snuggling with a horse who is lying down. Make it a baby horse and your heart just might explode from the cute!

After I'd given Cali some attention, I got up and walked away, leaving her with a comfortable, happy experience. She has never had any reason to fear humans. She is going to grow up to be a great horse. I just know it.

Solomon is in with the main mare herd these days. Remmy is in with him as well, but he has plenty to keep him occupied. Sol is pretty low on the pecking order, but he seems happy to be there.

Of course, this being a big herd of mostly mares, proper social protocol had to be observed. First Breezy came up to say hello. She's the alpha mare. Then Jewel, who is the beta. After that, I greeted a number of mares, until I was down to I think Sissy. She didn't want to let me past to Solomon, as she wanted the attention all to herself. Solly was making his "MOM MOM MOM" face, but he knew his place and knew he couldn't dare try to push past her.

I said hello to Sissy, and then maneuvered my way around her, disengaging myself from her little sphere of influence. I am not sure how to explain to you how I did it. It's kind of a dance. It's all about how you move and position your body, changing direction and just disconnecting. It's very much a matter of knowing how horses communicate, and having a feel for them. Now, I am very clumsy when it comes to speaking horse. My vocabulary is limited, I only have two legs, and I don't even have ears that can swivel or a tail. Despite these disabilities, I have learned a bit about how to make myself understood.

So then I was able to say hello to my boy, who was very happy to see me, and very glad that I made the effort to come to him, since he was not permitted to come to me that time.

Bo was feeding some buckets and some hay snacks at the front of the pasture. He whistled and everybody headed over towards the gate. Solomon and I went as well. I was feeling pretty happy, and pretty good, too, so I took off running.

Have you ever gone running with a herd of horses thundering around you? Maybe it's not the safest thing to do, but it's such an amazing feeling. And I was near the back of the herd, with my Solly. I can't run very fast or very far, but still I ran, and Solomon trotted along beside me. He got a bit excited and ended up a little ways ahead, but as soon as he saw that I wasn't going to be able to keep up, he actually stopped and waited for me, letting the rest of the herd go on without him. Then he walked beside me the rest of the way.

I cannot explain to you what a powerful gesture that is, but maybe you know.

At that moment, he chose me over the herd.

Of course when we got close to the gate, we went to work, maneuvering so that he could slip out without anybody else getting through and running either of us up against the fence. Remmy made a break for it but as usual he didn't quite make it in time.

Solomon and I have this down to an art form. Of course I can lead him through the gate by hand with a halter and lead rope, but I am going to do things in the safest, softest way possible. With a big herd that includes some pushy horses that are higher up in the hierarchy than Solomon is, the safest way is the fastest way with the least chance of things getting tangled up, or me getting caught. If I don't have to focus on leading him, I can focus on getting the gate opened and closed a lot faster and more efficiently.

When I put Solomon back, if there's no one by the gate I will lead him through, just as a reminder for both of us on how to do it. If the situation looks too hairy, we'll wait. If it's only a little hairy, I'll let him assess the risk and tell him to go in. If he feels it's safe, he'll usually take the opening and just go on in. Of course, sometimes he doesn't want to deal with herd dynamics just yet, and sometimes he wants to eat more grass, so then I have to close the gate up again, hook him up, and lead him through. I like to give him the option of free will first, to give him the chance to really succeed because he wants to. I like to give him a chance to learn to do things in softer and softer ways. Just a command. Or even a gesture. When we are moving through the herd, sometimes we just coordinate with body position. It's a great feeling.

Solomon got to graze, eat some hay right off the feed truck, and eat a pan of senior feed with probiotics and sand clear. This coming month he will get his teeth floated. He is looking much better than he did in January. Looking at those photos I posted, he looked just a little bit too thin for my tastes. This was something I was aware of, and we've all made an effort to get him up to a better weight. Thank you, Bo and DeDe!

The grass coming in has helped as well as the warmer weather. Next year if it gets so cold I might just blanket him.

Solomon got a major spa treatment. He had THREE people brushing and loving on him while he ate his senior feed. Happy hoss! I managed to get the dreadlocks out of his mane and brush it out a bit. I cleaned his feet, which are looking scary again because the winter frog is shedding out. They're softer and mushier than I'd like, but that's just the nature of the beast in the wet season. There isn't any sign of thrush. We got a ton of caked on mud off him, and while he wasn't exactly white when we finished, he was soft and a lot cleaner. I'm sure it felt great. He's also shedding out, so we pulled off a large tribble worth of winter coat.

After he grazed for about an hour and a half Bo said I should probably take him off that rich spring grass, because it was going to blow right through him. Glad I gave him probiotics!

Solomon was so relaxed and happy that he stuck his nose right in the halter and let me lead him back to the pasture, completely soft. He went through the gate like a pro and immediately spun his butt out of the way so I could safely close it. I let him go and instead of him going to drink water like he normally does, he went off to stand next to Teddy Bear, who lives in the next pasture over. The two of them stood near each other for the rest of the day. I guess she's in heat, because she didn't kick the fence or yell at him at all.

K___ and M___ laid out a little blanket and we all laid down to stare at the clouds and have a little nap. I'm not really the napping type though, and once they started snoring I hopped back up again and went to find DeDe. She was mucking stalls, which I was happy to help with. Then we fed the horses. Someday I'll learn to always check the direction the wind is blowing so that I don't get a bunch of oat hay down my shirt. DeDe has been feeding so long that she automatically knows without thinking about it, I'm pretty sure. I'm always covered in hay and she never is, haha!

I don't know if I help things go much faster. Maybe a bit. But she always lets me help. It feels good to feel useful, you know?

Every once in a while we looked over and my friends were still passed out on the lawn. Hah!

Well maybe I have something in common with Remmy, because after I chatted briefly (too briefly really, I miss our long conversations) with Bo, I saw that K___ had woken up, but not M___. M was still snoring away, and as soon as I put my shoes on I was looking for a nice long foxtail. They're green this time of year, so they're mostly soft and they stay on the stem instead of sticking to you. I found a good one and snuck over to the blanket with it. I was hoping for his ears but he had his hoodie pulled up over them. His nose was vulnerable though!

I entertained myself by tickling his nose with the foxtail, which made him twitch and make little noises in his sleep. Unfortunately I couldn't contain my giggling fits, which woke him up. He tried to pretend to be asleep so he could lunge out and startle me, but thanks to working with horses a lot I've learned to be a little more observant about things like breath rate, and I could tell his had changed. I was ready when he popped his eyes open and said "BOO!"

So then we ended up sparring on the lawn. M has over 20 years of martial arts experience, and I would say the real testament to his skill is not how good he was, but how much he slowed himself down and made sure to not hurt me. He even let me get some shots in. I'm a rank amateur- I don't think 5 or 6 months of karate in Jr. High really counts for anything, haha.

See the thing is, the real contest is not strength. The real contest is will. It isn't how much you can control others, it's how much you can control yourself. When Remmy, say, charges at me and tries to steal the halter I'm holding, I COULD smack him, but that wouldn't prove anything. What I need to prove is that I have a will strong enough to keep him at bay. Remmy isn't really a horse you subdue. Or at least, I can't subdue him. So he's playful and he comes at me, but my job is to redirect his energy so that we are both safe. And that's what M was doing with me.

Heh, of course eventually he pretty effortlessly swung me around and locked my arm behind my back, at which point I tapped out.

Later on in the parking lot I started jumping around (hey I was REALLY happy to have gotten out to the ranch, and feeling good!) and I stepped on M's foot. He just shifted it in a certain way and I was on my back in the road, hahaha!

I said "I am SO AWESOME that I can THROW MYSELF!"

M laughed and shook his head.

It's all a part of the dance.

Weds.

2010-02-22T22:52:00.001-08:00

It looks like I get to see my boy on Weds! Hope for me...

In the meantime, some old photos.

From the early days, back in 2008. Has it really been so long? This was before I owned him. I am so glad that halter dent in his face ended up not being permanent, though for a while I was afraid it would be. Note the broken stall door. Heh.

A month, maybe a month and a half after I started feeding him senior feed every day.

How I didn't get myself killed, I do not know. What I do know is that they put my rather substantial butt on a kid's saddle. Poor Solly. :(

After I bought him, getting his teeth floated. Look at that molar on the right- it doesn't even look like a horse tooth! It's so pointy and horrible.

Sol's pet hen. That chicken loved him. Raised all her chicks in his stall. Hid behind him and scolded anyone who got close.
If you can believe it, that was the cleanest his stall had ever been. Ugh. Those are sodden wood shavings. Should be a very pale golden color.

Solly went from a tiny stall in horse hell to a 90 acre pasture at the awesome Hossmoor. He was pleased.

Unfortunately, things could get pretty rough out there and he was either run through a fence, or he slipped on the muddy hillside and fell though it. His leg was cut to the bone and it was about 5 weeks of stall rest. If that were to happen now somehow, there's no way I'd make him sit in a stall for 5 weeks. He went insane and I think the inactivity did him no favors after a while. The vet did an amazing job and now it's just a little black scar.

He never cared about his jollyball, but a laundry detergent container with rocks in it was fun for a while.

The ticks were so horrible out there. Look at the hives on my poor boy! But he sure did like running in those hills.

I was clueless and getting bad advice left and right. Things came to a scary head when Solomon struck me because I just wasn't listening to him. Bo offered to board and teach us up at D&D Ranch. Best choice I've ever made!
Here we are doing just what would give people at Hossmoor a massive heart attack, haha! I lived. Lying down in the grass while Solly grazes is still one of my favorite things. He watches over me while I nap.

Of course Solomon peed on the flowers.

Second day at the ranch, being evaluated by Bo. This was before we figured out that Solomon shouldn't really be ridden because of physical issues.

One of my last rides on Solly. Despite his back hurting he was SO GOOD to me. He really was showing way more love than I realized. Man I have lost a lot of weight since then, hah!

I caught my shirt on the horn of the saddle. HAHAHA.

Solomon does not play soccer.

Solomon way far away in the pasture, excited to see me.

Solomon grazing loose on the property in January. I think he has put on weight since then. But he is a happy boy.

I think my legs are way thinner than they were, don't you agree? Me on Teddy Bear, bareback and with only a halter.

My shaggy yak at the patience tree!

Hope you enjoyed!

Frustrated

2010-02-19T20:40:00.001-08:00

I miss my boy so much! This not being able to drive thing is the pits. :(

I know Solly is in the best hands possible up at the ranch though. He can run around and be a horse and not worry about where his next meal is coming from. And I know Bo and DeDe will keep a close eye on him.

So tempting to try to drive anyway. But I'll be good.

The 31st!

2010-02-11T12:09:00.000-08:00

I think Teddy Bear had an abscess on the 31st. :( She came up lame!

She really wanted to be back in her pasture anyway.

Instead she went in her pen and got treated. I think she's okay now. I sure hope so, because I do love Teddy Bear, and I hate to think of her being in pain.

So what were we to do for riding? Leo!

Even though he beats up Solomon (well a lot of horses do) I have a soft spot for Leo, and I always have. He is a joker, and he loves to play with water hoses, feed pans, or whatever else he can get away with.

His movement is really interesting. His trot is smooth. His back undulates a heck of a lot when he walks. And he is so much fun.

Bo told me that if I needed to travel across the country on a horse's back as a walk he was reasonably sure I'd make it eventually, so it was time for me to learn more about trotting. I'll be learning both sitting the trot and posting, but that day we worked on sitting.

Bo had me hop on, and he roundpenned Leo. I did some of the steering, but we were mostly focusing on me learning to not fall off. At one point Leo did a turn at the trot and I hadn't expected the sharpness of it. I felt myself going one direction and him going the other. I thought for a moment that maybe I should try to stay on, but I decided that it was kinder for me to just keep going than to yank on that saddle trying to haul myself back up. Landed on my feet, which was good. Bo said the day would come when I would keep myself on the horse instead of bailing out, and that I just needed more confidence and muscle for that. He said the day would come when I was on a horse where I would really HAVE to haul myself back on the saddle instead of coming off. But that the landing was good.

So I got back on! And Bo finally convinced me to grab the horn. Okay, yep. I did, and it helped. And I started to get down the whole trotting thing a lot more. Moving with Leo, tapping my calf on him lightly in time to his gait, rein cow horse style. I realized that when I next trotted on Teddy Bear, I'd have to use a third of the pressure I was using on Leo or less.

Leo and I ended up going around the 60 foot roundpen three times at the trot! This was a big big deal for me, and I was very proud. There was one point where I could feel him wanting to break into a lope. To be honest with you, I was really really tempted myself. Bo could see both of these things, but Leo and I restrained ourselves. I wanted to lope for the joy of it, and to try it because I never had. Leo might have wanted to lope for the heck of it, or possibly out of annoyance because I'm not a good rider yet. He might have wanted to for fun- he canters a lot in the pastures too. Canters and plays. But yes, we restrained ourselves!

Someday, though... :}

One thing? Oh such an important thing. I need to be really careful about what bra I wear. Actually next time I'm able to ride, I'm going to wear two. Heh. That was... not comfortable. Gah!

But still, I didn't care, because I TROTTED! I had the biggest grin. I was so excited. Bo told me I'd had enough, at the end of the lesson, and I wanted to do more. He grinned and said "no, trust me, tomorrow you are going to feel it."

I did, but it wasn't too bad actually. My thigh muscles were a bit sore, and for some reason my upper arms right above the elbow were a bit sore.

I can't wait to do it again!

The 27th!

2010-02-11T11:58:00.000-08:00

On the 27th of February, I rode Teddy Bear completely bareback, with just a halter and lead rope!

Here I am in "neutral," centering myself, listening to Teddy Bear's heartbeat and feeling her breathe.

Riding and focusing on the horse was a lot harder than it was with a saddle to balance on. Not even having a pad to help me stick, I had to focus more of my energy on balance, which I am far from perfect at, which you can see by her tail swish. And my waaay far forward leg, hah!

Here I am preparing, I think, to signal a turn.

I realized that I was not as balanced as I would liked to have though. There were moments, however, when I did not have to think so much about staying centered and balanced. I was able to do more steering than I had before. I was able to keep movement more consistent than before. I am still a novice rider, but I have improved!

And Teddy Bear is a VERY patient girl.

At the end of the riding lesson, I lost my balance and came off her. I landed on my feet and Bo decided that a good dismount, even if it wasn't ENTIRELY voluntary, was a good way to end the lesson for the day. Teddy Bear got to graze a lot.

Solomon spent some time in a stall/pen combo, next to Shin. Sol is the far horse, of course.

Shin is a wonderfully goofy horse. He's the one who will lie down and stare at his own butt in wonder when he farts.

And here is some more Teddy Bear.

Visit yesterday.

2010-02-11T11:38:00.000-08:00

Hey folks, going to work backwards. Yesterday was not extremely eventful, so I'm going to write about it first. Please forgive me if my writing quality is not up to snuff right now- it is a little difficult for me to focus.

Right now I'm on some strong medications that make it unsafe for me to drive because I get dizzy spells. Thankfully a couple of friends were kind enough to give me a ride up to the ranch!

Solomon was his usual friendly self, happily coming to the gate and walking out. I got him out just before Remmy managed to get to us. HAH, Remmy!

Sol was a little stubborn about lifting his head of to be haltered because he really wanted to eat grass. We got it on him though, and after that he was a very good boy. He could tell I was in pain, so he was then on his best behavior. We were walking and I was hurting a lot. He normally, these days, walks behind me, but today he rushed up ahead a bit. It took me a moment to realize that he was purposefully walking so I was beside his wither. Yeah you might think this is a stretch, but this is Solomon. I threw my arm over his wither gratefully and held on. When I hurt a lot, he knows. He helps me walk. He still took direction from me, and we got him to the trailer fine.

My friends helped get his grooming box and feed pan out of the tack room, and I was able to muster the strength to clean and iodine his feet. That took a lot out of me and I had to sit for a while. Solly was very good about it. Then my friends brushed him out a bit.

After some rest time I took Solly to the roundpen, where he was a very good boy for me. He was stiff but he walked, trotted, and cantered for me beautifully. Then he found a hidden gopher hole with his back leg, and went down a bit, but didn't fall. I felt so bad because he was cantering and doing exactly what I was asking him to do, and he ended up twisting his ankle in a hole. I really hope his leg is okay. Sometimes you can't tell until a day or two later.

So after that, I walked around with Solly following me for a bit, and then we got a shovel and broke up that hole, filling it in. I tried to do it myself but my friends intervened and finished up the job. I'm pretty stubborn about doing physical stuff myself, even when I shouldn't. I'm glad my friends were there. I overdid it, but if they hadn't been there I would have really overdone it.

After feeling Solly's legs for heat (there wasn't any) and giving him more cuddles, we took him to a pen. He's been getting beat up in the pasture, so nowadays he comes in for feeding and stays the night.

I got Leo to play with the jollyball briefly.

Oh! And there was a dentist there today. He is coming back next month. This is great, because he is way more affordable than the dentist down south was. Looks like I'll be able to float Sol's teeth this year, which is very important. Next month will be really tight, but doable.

We ended the day with a picnic.

So that was yesterday. Sorry that I don't have any photographs- I wasn't thinking clearly and didn't remember to bring my camera.

I'll get through this.

We'll be back soon!

2010-02-09T07:18:00.000-08:00

Hey folks,

I have two posts to catch up on, and I will be having, hopefully, a new little adventure on Weds. I am currently dealing with a fairly serious health issue, and am on a lot of medications. Very very sorry for taking so long!

A breath and a whisper.

2010-01-26T12:09:00.001-08:00

On Saturday, I had some of the greatest breakthroughs in my riding yet.

It helped, a great deal, that I came to the ranch feeling centered and at peace. To be sure, I've had sorrow this past week. But I have also had closure, and I have had comfort. The evening before had been spent with friends, and my dreams were good. The energy one brings to a situation makes a huge difference.

Solomon has dropped too much weight, in the cold. He is a slow eater, he is pretty low on the totem pole, and he will share with the young horses that he is friends with. He's going to be getting regular senior feed buckets. That ought to help him. Otherwise he is a good and happy horse.

Then I went and got Teddy Bear.

Straight away, things felt good and right. She is a mare that one must carefully ask for the feet of, because she gets paranoid about her chestnuts being picked at. Well, once I got her first foot, she actually volunteered the other three! She picked them up before I even touched her leg, and held them up until I took them to pick them. It seems like such a little thing, but really it is a big deal.

One thing I did differently, besides being calm and happy, which I know she could pick up on, was that I brushed her out BEFORE asking for her feet. Usually I'll pick a horse's feet first, since it is more important than prettying up their coat, but I decided that Teddy Bear was a mare who needed a little more comfort, and she just loves being brushed. I could tell that she appreciated the consideration.

I took her into the round pen, and Bo put the saddle on her back. She was wearing her halter and lead rope, which we did not tie off like reins. Bo told me that we were not going to think about reins at all. That we would use the lead rope as just the barest directional guide, but mostly we would work on being present and centered, keeping my canter of balance at my pelvis, guiding with my body position... but mostly, having the right energy.

Look, a lot of you are going to think "wow, they're off the deep end into new age land!" But let me try to explain this to you. See, there's this thing about horses and their sensitivity.

I know I've mentioned this before. Bo and I have discussed it many times.

Humans are okay with admitting that a dog has a better sense of smell, a hawk has sharper vision, a cheetah can run faster. But we like to think that we, as sentient beings, are the most sensitive. The most able to pick up on the subtlest of cues. The best at reading body language. The best at detecting emotions. We have a hard time admitting that other creatures have emotions at all. Admitting that makes it harder for us to feel okay about doing the brutal things we do to other animals. And, really, we want to feel special.

The thing is, horses are more sensitive than we are in that regard. They have to be. They are prey animals who rely on reaction speed to survive. They rely on each other to survive. They have to be able to pick up on the slightest, slightest cue from their herdmates to get away before the lion can pounce. Before the wolves can circle. And they have to maintain some semblance of order and hierarchy in a large herd. So they will pick up on the slight swivel of an ear. They can also feel a mosquito land on a hair on their hide. They are incredibly sensitive creatures- so sensitive, that when we realize it, it feels like magic.

Even knowing that, it feels like magic. They are so sensitive, so open, so able to perceive things, that words cannot really effectively describe it. We don't have that level of sensitivity, so our language is not equipped to explain it. One starts to use words such as "energy" and "feel." I hope that you will, then, bear with me, and understand that while it might seem a little metaphysical because as human beings we cannot fully comprehend their experience in the world, it WORKS.

So.

I sat in the saddle. Centered, relaxed. Bo told me to close my eyes. He told me to sink into my hips. To feel the mare underneath me. To feel her breathing. To feel her heartbeat. And I did. I felt her breath, and her breath became my breath. We breathed together, standing, just standing. I was focused entirely on her. And I swear to you, I could feel her. Her presence. And I knew that was not even close to what she could feel from me. So we sat, and we breathed, and the entire world fell away from me, until it was just her breath and her heartbeat and her body and mine.

And Bo told me, "now open your eyes... and think about walking forward. Use the least amount of pressure you possibly can, and just relax into moving. Just let your legs drape. Keep your hands still."

And with the barest breath of a whisper, and the lightest relaxation of my body, I told her, "go." So quietly I could barely hear it. So quietly I could barely feel it. But I could feel HER. And she went. It was a great and precious joy. Such a simple, simple thing. But so very very light. And Bo told me to not think much about where we were going yet, though I could look where I wanted to go. I found my body gently giving cues... a little more leg on one side than the other, my head turning to look where I wanted to go, and that is more or less where we went. Then we came back to the center of the circle, and I thought "whoa," I just thought it, I didn't even SAY it. I just sank myself back into the "neutral" headspace... and she stopped.

And it worked every time. Over and over again. I had to work on just how much energy I needed to put out to get her to move, and to get her to keep moving. She never once trotted without me asking her to. She was so very relaxed, her head down, nothing braced, like any great natural Western Pleasure horse.

And then we worked on departures. Going from standing still to making a U-turn and going straight into a trot. We didn't manage every single time, but a lot of the time. And her trot was a gentle, relaxed jog, which was perfect. She went back into a walk when I thought it. And I had another breakthrough.

I never seem to know what to do with myself when a horse is trotting under me. Post, sit it, what? I never know what to do with my body. But today Bo said "just sink into it," and somehow that made a light go off, and I did... and I didn't feel out of control. I didn't feel like I was about to fall off to the side, or get flung over the front of her. It was far, far, far from perfect, but I did it!

And Bo told me, "you know Ev, there are a lot of riders who can't do a departure, like what you're doing now, with stirrups and a bridle and reins. But look, you're doing it with just a halter and lead rope, and a saddle with no stirrups!" And I was very proud. I was even more proud of Teddy Bear, because she was such a good and kind and clever mare, picking up on my confused cues and doing just as I asked without complaint.

After the lesson I slipped her a peppermint, brushed her out, and then ran next to her as she trotted back to her pasture. I think she felt just fine about the lesson, which makes me very happy. I am not sure I can say it was interesting enough for her to be joyful about it, but I don't think it caused her any distress. There was no tail swishing that I can remember, no ear pins, no little bucks, and her head stayed down, her body loose.

In time I think that we will find joy together. I hope so, for she has certainly given me a great deal of joy. Her, and Bo, my great and patient teacher, who maybe has some hope now that I won't just go cantering off at the first opportunity, haha!

Bo says that if you GIVE your horse softness, then you will GET softness. He says that a lot of horses could have that level of softness if only they'd been taught it. If only they'd been shown it.

The thing is, we humans are very impatient. We focus so much on goals, we focus so much on time, on shortcuts. Get it done. Faster faster faster. Results results results! We don't always consider that the longer road may be the better one. And the kinder one. But if we can come at horses with a goal of mutual TRUST and forming mutual GOALS instead of simply gaining CONTROL, then perhaps horses can teach us a little bit of magic. All it really takes is a breath and a whisper.

Another picture spam!

2010-01-19T13:36:00.000-08:00

Hi folks, I'm still hanging in there.

I got some nice photos on the last long day I spent at the ranch, and I'm going to share them with you. Here we have N___ on her gorgeous horse Pooh Bear, who was born and raised here at D&D Ranch. We also have Bo riding Vinnie with a halter and lead rope. Vinnie doesn't like to have his head down, but that will be worked on.

Solomon watches from the Patience Tree.

I really like this one.

Still working on that patience.

DeDe and K___

DeDe on Dually? Dewley? Bo, how do you spell that? Anyway she's doing a reining spin.

And now, my ride on Teddy Bear! Okay, a few things... I didn't think about my shoes. I should have put on my riding boots, heh. I'm so used to it not mattering because I ride bareback. Second of all, Teddy Bear is a saintly horse. Also a LOT more sensitive than Kizim. Whereas I always squeezed Kizim with my thighs to hold on to her back, squeezing Teddy Bear with my thighs tells her to move faster. Soooo we worked on a lot of walk-trot transitions. K___ is the one who noticed that I was making her break into a trot with my thighs. I just had a lead rope hooked to one side, and when things got kind of high energy, with her trotting and all, i tended to raise my arms up high. Something to work on! Also those stirrups, for some reason I was having a hard time keeping my feet in them and under my hip. It felt like they were a million miles forward. I have a lot of muscle to work on. And maybe the stirrups slid forward a bit, or we haven't figured out the right length for my legs yet.
Overall, however, I feel like I learned a lot, and while I was all stormy and in a dark mood before the ride, in the end I was smiling and excited, which helped me so much in these challenging times I cannot even express it. So thank you, Bo and DeDe, and thank you Teddy Bear.

Go forth, noble steed... to the right.

Whuh-oh

Aiyee

I was trying to hard to project calm and get her to walk instead of trot... without realizing that it was my THIGHS.

Okay okay we got this.

A sedate moment.

Aaaand here we go again! Teddy Bear must have been so confused. "she asks me to trot, she asks me to walk, she asks me to trot while saying the word "walk," waaaat?"

K___ took all these shots of me on Teddy Bear, and the one of DeDe doing the reining spin. But this is my favorite, of hte photos she took.

I am stirrup-challenged.

But look, SMILING!

Thank you so much, sweet mare-mare.