Hi, I'm Ev. I'm training to become a horsewoman. These are my adventures and misadventures. I'm green as hell, but so far, so good. I'm now learning from Bo (and sometimes his wife DeDe) at D&D Ranch in Pope Valley. I am extremely lucky to have this opportunity, I feel quite blessed, and I feel that they, and horses, have really turned my life around.
Solomon is my baby- a big old flea bitten grey Appendix gelding who is very kind and way too smart! I love him so very much. He is a rescue and was meant to be co-owned rehabbed, and maybe rehomed to a good home. He turned out to be over 25 years old with injuries that ultimately do not make him riding sound, so he is retired.

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Tongue planted firmly in cheek

So there's this mean old cowboy type on the horse forum that I frequent, and he really enjoys telling all the women that they are dumb and clueless, that they are idiots because they "love" their horse and that they probably named their horse Fluffy. It seems to be what he does when he's home- try to make young girls mad at him. Anyway, he's against anything that isn't cowboy ranch style stuff. I have no problem with well done cowboy ranch style stuff. I just happen to like a lot of other things too.

Anyway, he has this major thing about hobble breaking. To him it seems that hobble breaking is the answer to all problems. To him, all injuries to horse or rider are caused by lack of hobble breaking. Recently he decided to go off on me for asking what caused the latest injury. Of course it was because I didn't hobble break Solomon. Actually it's possible he WAS hobble broke at some point. I just don't know. But that birthed this: (DISCLAIMER: I'm making fun of a certain person's ideas about horsewomen. I'm not ragging on natural horsemanship. Much. I will rag on the people who insist that you must buy their exact version of every single item, marked way way up of course. Beware of anyone who insists that the only way to interact with your horse correctly is to pour thousands of dollars into their wallet.)

I'm here to tell you all about my new training system and product that is SURE to work on ANY HORSE!
Today's lesson is hobble breaking. As we all know, hobble breaking your horse is essential to any training plan... and youd on't need to hire a trainer to do it, or anything! Those silly people with their "experience" are just full of gimmicks, unlike EVERNATURAL!(tm) Just buy my 15 books, come to my clinics (only $5,000 to audit!) and purchase my products, and you'll have a whole new horse without having to waste money on trainers or lessons!
So first of all, you need to make sure your hoss feels comfortable and natural. He needs to feel happy and special. So what makes you feel happy and special? A party!
Here you can see my Special Comfort Head Hugger Party Hat(tm) which is great for the Freudian Regression Horsenality!

You can get it in Pink, Mint, or Purple, but be sure to consult my book, "Auras, Pastels, Glitter, and Horses" to make certain that you are balancing his elemental sign with the right color! Only $139.99. Some restrictions apply.

Once your horse is feeling happy and relaxed, which you can tell he is because he is SMILING, it's time to use my Kind Comfort Leg Embrace Hobbles(tm). ($59.95 plus shipping and handling. Be sure to specify left or right handed.)

Sing "Happy birthday" until your horse poops, and he will be hobble broke!

Be sure to take him back to his stall as soon as you are done, as wide open spaces makes horses uneasy because they cannot hide from eagles.

Here is a sample from my upcoming DvD series, essential for anyone wanting to reach level 13 or beyond!

1 comment:

Holly Burke said...

Holy Smokes Evergrey ! this is killing me I can barely breathe!

*gasp* hahahahahahaha